I don’t know a title for this one

[Rosh720]

idek what day it is anymore I don’t think I even changed the counter this time. But I’ve come to a seriously problem, my mind has basically convinced me I’m gay and the only way to be straight is to release. I know this isn’t true but can anyone relate. I have had hocd ever since a highthought one day in August and have been addicted to porn and even went to gay abuse porn (never intimate) after transwoman porn after exausting every straight genre and after my first streak of about 6 days on the third day I almost couldn’t be next to a woman, didn’t think about hocd at all and everything was fine then I relapsed went on a few days binge... relapsed again after a two day streak then a few more 2-3 day streak then hocd went crazy now here I am somewhere between 7-9 days I think. Suddenly finding myself crazing to watch a guy or transwoman get smashed hard like r**ed basically. These thoughts disgusted me only a week ago but I know I’m scared they may be my true desires. Please help

 

[Awakening123]

During my initial days in reboot, I use to often relapse and binge on extreme porn that I never watched when I was consuming porn on daily basis. This came to me as a surprise since it felt like rebooting is making me go into extreme genres that I was never interested in before but this is common because our brain is porn-starved and now it wants to gobble up as much porn as it can. Guilt and shame are never your friends. They work together to keep addiction alive. I heard one therapist saying that if one can simply avoid guilt and shame after a relapse, one can easily get out of any addiction.

It is important to understand the nature of this addiction rather than just "trying to beat it" or "never ever doing it again". Write down your triggers; write down your goals of the day everyday about what you are going to accomplish today etc. Take one day at a time. Take walks in nature. Avoid using internet during times when you are most likely to get triggered. There are millions of other things you can do than to watch porn such as working out, meditation, running outside, reading a book etc. Every relapse is an opportunity to grow towards sobriety. All the best!

 

[Deleted Account]

I've noticed this about myself too... I was into sissy hypnosis shit. Dude, porn warps your perceptions of sex and can change you. If you get some time under your belt then you will come to see this. Healing can occur.