I literally messed up so bad... probably the stupidest thing i ever did, did i just relapse?

You know what ? You decide , but it’s not about time , even though landmarks are nice ! Do I need porn to survive ! Do I absolutely have this time frame , so do I absolutely need to throw it away ! What have I acoomplished since I quit ? What do I want to accomplish right now and future ! Do I at present moment want to be slave free from porn? Guilt free, if u consider it a fall think of today , as one mistake in 4 years and made a lot of benefits for self ! Start with today ! Good luck

 

That's p sub, you searched for it and watched it in order to get turned on.
A relapse is anything that we seek out in order to satisfy our urges, and a relapse sets back our healing process.
Whether you count that as a relapse or not, it was something you sought out, and it will delay your healing progress.

 

In the past on a streak, when I've looked at p sub only, I give myself grace and don't reset my timer. But often when I looked at it again, was when I'd PMO. So letting yourself look at arousing materials will lead to a relapse in the end. Besides this, it doesn't help your healing at all.

I would forgive yourself for this one, but not do it again. I've relapsed many times to similar material.

 

To be honest with you, from where I stand I’d class that as a relapse. If you were to normalise that it would eventually lead to you breaking your nudity definition of relapse so regardless of how you put it, it’s still putting you on the wrong road. The definition itself isn’t important. Just forgive yourself for it, learn from what nearly happened and try and stay away from it in the future.

 

I would say that if you are still watching such a things on YouTube you are still addicted even though you are not watching porn

 

I also finished watching ts shit unfortunately but I absolutely avoid anything related with it. I did not watch anything ts since July, no PMO for good over 100 days. Unfortunately still in flatline with low libido.

 

It's not a relapse as you didn't touch yourself or release but whenever you are stressed or anxious meditate and do breathwork as it can help calm and relax you.

 

Count it as a relapse, make sure not to continue the behavior.
Or don't count it as a relapse, make sure not to continue the behavior.
The label you put on it doesn't matter. The important part is avoiding the behavior.

Do you struggle to make decisions? I used to really struggle.

 

You messed up largely because you didn’t realise what you were doing was leading to. Seriously don’t beat yourself up about this. Just learn from the mistake and keep going. It sounds like you were doing well beforehand so don’t let yourself stop because of one relatively small incident where you didn’t actually even masturbate. Don’t let this bring you down. You can beat it

 

Listen what you did was not good that is obvious but to say that four years of no PMO is wasted because you watched some twerking is simply not true at all. Four years of no PMO equates to a degree my friend. I find it strange at this point with that much experience you are talking like this. Just get back to whatever you have been doing the last four years and forget about it. I say this from a place of support not to give you shit, sometimes we can get into a non logical head space about something.

 

Only you can know if it was a relapse or not as you are the one who sets the rules. Nobody else can do that for you.

When you completely try to abstain from anything sexual, there are many levels of relapse.

You can relapse on thought, which brings you closer to relapse on searching for sexual things online, then you relapse by searching which brings you closer to relapse on watching porn, then you relapse on watching porn and you are closer to relapsing on masturbation, then you masturbate while watching porn and you are closer to relapsing on orgasming while watching porn and masturbating (yes, some can orgasm without masturbating). And then you orgasm and have relapsed through all levels. Game over.

From my point of view, if you want to avoid relapsing on pornography you don't even think about anything sexual. You don't have to be sexually inactive, but fantasizing is the beginning of the end for you.

So, based on this view, you just relapsed at the level of searching for sexual stuff online. You still have a long way to go until you fully relapse. Take this as a warning sign that you need to change something in your life ASAP.

Something isn't working. Why else would you seek relief through watching that stuff? You are repressing your sexual energy, that is for sure. And you need to find healthy ways to express that. However, what only you can answer is what is wrong in your life right now that you would act out in that way.

Stay strong, my friend. This is a trial.