I wish I never ever watched you

C

chrisallen40

Fapstronaut
I'm an 40 yr old, who has been watching porn since I was a teenager. When I first watched a DVD I bought from a sex shop in London, I never knew that it would change my life as an adult forever.

I recently ended an eight-year relationship with the love of my life. I struggled to feel anything, while having intercourse, even without a rubber. I was overstimulated with images and videos, plus I masturbated a lot. Intercourse with my ex, never felt as good as stimulation with my hand, while scrolling from video to video. I started to avoid sex altogether, because I didn't feel pleasure. I started to neglect my ex's feelings. I didn't want to kiss, cuddle or get affectionate in any way, because I knew where it would lead and I never wanted to disappoint them or myself.

I want to quit watching porn. A few months ago I swapped hardcore for softcore, thinking it wouldn't be as bad, but it still arouses me. The brain doesn't know the difference. I stopped watching softcore just three days ago and I never want to watch it again. I'm done. I don't want to have mood swings anymore. Watching porn gives me a massive high, which is hard to replicate in everyday life. However, the lows are horrible.

Three months ago I hired a PT and started going to the gym three times per week. I'm starting to look after myself more, plus I'm eating a lot more healthier than I have in the past. I've lost some fat and gained some muscle. I just want to focus on my mind, body and nutrition.

The plan is that one day, I'll be able to feel "normal" again. One day I'll be able to have a partner and a family of my own.

To anybody reading this, who can relate to anything I've said here today, take this addiction/habit seriously and try your absolute best to stop watching it. Your future self and relationships will thank you for it.
 
Agree totally with you mate. Unfortunately, P has being screwing the life of tons and tons of people (i'm one of those). I would like to had the willpower and consciousness many years ago to stop feeding my brain with trash. I'm 20 yo and finally i got the real intention behind that kind of content and doing my best to not watch it anymore, hope you find a way out from that path of slavery and suffer.

One day we will feel "normaler" (or at least normal-ish) and forget that dirty moment of our lives. I never had a girlfriend/wife and i'm sure i have the chance of get one after i get fully clean.
 
VikingThor said:
I'm 20 yo and finally i got the real intention behind that kind of content and doing my best to not watch it anymore, hope you find a way out from that path of slavery and suffer.
One day we will feel "normaler" (or at least normal-ish) and forget that dirty moment of our lives. I never had a girlfriend/wife and i'm sure i have the chance of get one after i get fully clean.
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Luckily you're very young so you haven't damage your brain in any form, you'll reboot for sure and even in short time. It's a bit early to start thinking to a wife, try to heal completely and then search for a girlfriend. There's always time to marry, don't rush too much.
 
I needed to read this right now. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
 
chrisallen40 said:
To anybody reading this, who can relate to anything I've said here today, take this addiction/habit seriously and try your absolute best to stop watching it. Your future self and relationships will thank you for it.
Click to expand...
It's something that you simply don't understand when you're young and have hormones at their peaks. You get hard erections just thinking to a couple of nice tits and you think this can last forever. You face this only when you start to get older... but it can be too late, unfortunately (and I'm in the same boat, since I'm 42 yo). It's not easy to avoid porn when you're young and performant.
 
chrisallen40 said:
I'm an 40 yr old, who has been watching porn since I was a teenager. When I first watched a DVD I bought from a sex shop in London, I never knew that it would change my life as an adult forever.

I recently ended an eight-year relationship with the love of my life. I struggled to feel anything, while having intercourse, even without a rubber. I was overstimulated with images and videos, plus I masturbated a lot. Intercourse with my ex, never felt as good as stimulation with my hand, while scrolling from video to video. I started to avoid sex altogether, because I didn't feel pleasure. I started to neglect my ex's feelings. I didn't want to kiss, cuddle or get affectionate in any way, because I knew where it would lead and I never wanted to disappoint them or myself.

I want to quit watching porn. A few months ago I swapped hardcore for softcore, thinking it wouldn't be as bad, but it still arouses me. The brain doesn't know the difference. I stopped watching softcore just three days ago and I never want to watch it again. I'm done. I don't want to have mood swings anymore. Watching porn gives me a massive high, which is hard to replicate in everyday life. However, the lows are horrible.

Three months ago I hired a PT and started going to the gym three times per week. I'm starting to look after myself more, plus I'm eating a lot more healthier than I have in the past. I've lost some fat and gained some muscle. I just want to focus on my mind, body and nutrition.

The plan is that one day, I'll be able to feel "normal" again. One day I'll be able to have a partner and a family of my own.

To anybody reading this, who can relate to anything I've said here today, take this addiction/habit seriously and try your absolute best to stop watching it. Your future self and relationships will thank you for it.
Click to expand...
I thought switching to softcore would at least make me feel normal but all it did was give me false hopes of people I would never meet. Still just as damaging.
 
VikingThor said:
Agree totally with you mate. Unfortunately, P has being screwing the life of tons and tons of people (i'm one of those). I would like to had the willpower and consciousness many years ago to stop feeding my brain with trash. I'm 20 yo and finally i got the real intention behind that kind of content and doing my best to not watch it anymore, hope you find a way out from that path of slavery and suffer.

One day we will feel "normaler" (or at least normal-ish) and forget that dirty moment of our lives. I never had a girlfriend/wife and i'm sure i have the chance of get one after i get fully clean.
Click to expand...

It's good that you've identified the problem at a young age. You've got time to change your life around. Your brain is so powerful, yet vulnerable at the same time. Look after it.
 
im_done said:
I thought switching to softcore would at least make me feel normal but all it did was give me false hopes of people I would never meet. Still just as damaging.
Click to expand...

I fell into the same trap. I would even read erotic Japanese comics, thinking that it wasn't as bad as video. Unfortunately, they're all designed to get your dopamine raging!
 
kenshin81 said:
It's something that you simply don't understand when you're young and have hormones at their peaks. You get hard erections just thinking to a couple of nice tits and you think this can last forever. You face this only when you start to get older... but it can be too late, unfortunately (and I'm in the same boat, since I'm 42 yo). It's not easy to avoid porn when you're young and performant.
Click to expand...

Yes when you're young, you think it's harmless. Addiction is bad for you. People are always addicted to things that are unhealthy for us. You've never heard of anybody being addicted to vegetables! A lot of the time it's porn/sex, gambling, food, alcohol etc.
 
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