Injury causes me to relapse.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Gettinhelpfinally, Oct 27, 2019.

  1. Gettinhelpfinally

    Gettinhelpfinally New Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone, this is my first post.

    I am writing you all while lying on my bedroom floor. This is how I have had to do all my work for school and anything else on my computer. I injured my back about a year ago working. I am 20 and now have sciatica running down my right leg. I am doing everything I can to fix this: chiropractic work, massage, yoga, stretching, and core workouts (weak core was likely the cause). I also have taken up meditation, cold showers, playing the guitar, and sleeping on the floor thanks to the internet's various self improvement communities.
    I have also been struggling in school because I have had to take many absences due to sitting being too painful. I never liked school but now I am barely staying afloat. My social life is also atrophying because going anywhere makes my injury worse. My mind has become plagued with self doubt, procrastination, perversion, and acceptance of mediocrity.
    I was a very active person before, which made me very happy. The various physical activities gave me catharsis, adrenaline, dopamine, and a consistent thing in my life to look forward to. I did things like biking, surfing, skateboarding, working out, and anything else that came up. All these things made the menial tasks in life hold no weight.
    I have also had a porn addiction for a while. I Watched my first porn when I was 9 years old. It is hard to say how long I have been addicted to it. It has become an issue over the past year, when I have had my injury, and when I have tried to stop. I had a beautiful girl in my bed about 9 months ago and couldn't get it up! I was sober and not nervous(at first).
    I can't really do anything I find fun because it will set me back immensely with my injury (those who have had sciatica will know). So I am in this cycle of dealing with life on it's terms and constantly relapsing due to the restlessness I have from my injury. I cant even sit down for a long time. I have been trying Nofap since about June 2019 and have relapsed countless times, with no streak over 6 days. In this time my fetishes have taken darker turns as well, in ways I find shameful.
    I think I am really just writing this to get things off my chest as I am starting to feel weak mentally. I would be unspeakably grateful for advice from the people out there who can relate. Also if any of you have dealt with sciatica that comes and goes, any advice could be my ticket to the promised land. "some times it feels like life is trying to drag you under" - Harley Flanagan.
    Also on a side note; I don't get morning wood at all. I will maybe get it like once every 2 months. has anyone else had this?

  2. Augustine_Hippo

    Augustine_Hippo Fapstronaut

    Hey welcome to the forums. I'm new here as well. I have a joint condition which is very limiting and often get upset at my body for not being able to function properly (I cannot do sports or even go running). It frustrates me and definitely doesn't help porn addiction, as I feel useless and pmo brings momentarily reliefs.

    However, I realize that the benefits are great. My longest streak was 23 days and I honestly felt so good (my mind felt clearer and I felt a lot more confident). One thing I've really done since my joints starting acting up is studying philosophy. I don't know if that would interest you at all but there's many excellent videos and books I could recommend. Seeing as I cannot do sports I decided to boost my brain by reading and studying. Maybe that will help.

    Keep at it and just try your best.
  3. Hello and welcome! :)

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