My 90 days Porn free - Nofap journey

Thank you for following my journey!

 

Day 52!

"It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day —that’s the hard part."

 

I'm on hard mode, no PMO. I told myself I won't reset my badge after a relapse, only after a period of binging. (as a matter a fact, I saw later that a single MO not followed by binging is not a relapse). I think the idea of a streak is bad because people think if you break it once and you have to reset it, why not binge and start again after a week. In the beginning, I would try to work on 2 habits: 1.not binge after an MO and 2.stay away from all P. That's all. No streaks, no guilt. Try this for 6 months and try a full "reboot" after you mastered these 2 skills.

I didn't beat myself up, I didn't feel guilty after the MO. I was more careful the next day, but I saw I didn't have the chaser effect. In the healing process, the chaser effect goes away. I think I'm healing, that's why I didn't binge. But I'm still not overconfident, because I know it is in these moments that people make mistakes. PMO just doesn't exist for me anymore and my brain understands this. I don't think of it. I don't get thoughts of it. Maybe I had a faster reboot.

I'll write in a later post about the physical things happening to me - erections, flatlines, etc. But I try to stay away from talking about that for the moment. I check the dopamine receptors with jazz and classical music. If it is kinda boring, I'm still not healed yet. But other times, it sounds like the music of angels. It is pure joy. Maybe this doesn't apply to everyone, but it's a good exercise.

I tried to do this journey for 8 years. I had some big streaks and then relapsed and felt so guilty... it was awful. I want to think in the long run. What would have happened if I didn't think in terms of "streaks and relapses" all those years. I would have been miles ahead.

Also, writing here and talking to you guys helped me a lot. It made me realize I'm not the only one in this journey. The sense of community is powerful. Write your own thoughts, help others. It's the first time when I do this and I can't believe how much is helping me.

 

A funny story to prove my point about streaks and add to my previous post. When I was thinking in times of continuous streaks, I would try all the things to not relapse. Sometimes, I would sit in bed with a pillow in my hands, holding it so tight, trying to not think of a relapse ). And if I gave up for a few seconds and relapsed, I would feel so horrible.

On the other hand, yesterday at night I felt I'm starting to feel some activity down there. I applied the opposite technique. I said to myself "ok, after 10-20 minutes, I'll go and do an MO in the shower" ). And what happened: I didn't feel the need after that time. I showered and didn't feel the need to do it.
I'm not recommending this exact strategy. Do whatever works for you. But it illustrates my point.
If you don't resist it, it just goes away. If you fight it, it attacks again with more strength.

Human nature is so amazing!

 

Day 54 or 55. I'll have to recount them one by one.

 

Day 59!

 

To be honest, not so good. I have some kind of lack of motivation and depression. Maybe it's from the autumn transition. Maybe it's part of the healing. It's hard for me to even write this message.

I'll keep in touch with you on how things work out. Keep strong!

 

Day 64! Feeling better! Feeling normal.

 

Day 66!

 

I'm still here. It's been a while since I posted. I've had some relapses, not in a binging way. I'll think if I reset my counter. But until then, I'll keep going!

 

Doing NNN. Day 9! Keep strong!

 

Day 12 of NNN!

 

Thank you for reading my posts! I feel this "streak" thing is too romanticized. It gives you the idea that at some point, you get superpowers. But it must be perfect. And if you slip, it all goes down to zero. I don't believe in the superpowers. I feel some improvements, big ones. But if you think this noPMO alone will give you those powers, you will feel frustrated. You have to act to get what you want, to improve yourself. Nutrition, sleep, what type of media you consume, you friends circle, your SO. This are all part of the big scheme.

I didn't get those magical powers some guys preach. I have more clarity, discipline. More emotional balance. Stronger emotions. It's true they get away after an MO relapse. But they return quickly after a day or two and everything returns to normal. This wouldn't happen if I binged.

I feel a balanced life is more important. We live in a world where getting sober from everything is the way to success. But a glass of red wine with your friends, a good steak and a night with a beautiful woman make life worth living.

Keep strong! Act and achieve your objectives!

We'll keep in touch because I'm here to stay, not "break the streak" and give up. I'm here to become better in all the aspects of my life.