My Current Life

One year today, I ended a relationship with a beautiful girl that I really loved.
I was actually engaged to her but things didn't work out because her family hated me and she had severe medical problems. I was devastated because I was also kicked out of a church because I called out the pastor on many things and I had no choice but to leave after the way he handled things. I decided to make a major change in my life, I had just finished my masters in December, so I needed to get out of my current life. I decided to Live in Japan for one year and try to start fresh. The time came when it was possible and all the correct steps proceeded me to be here. The culture shock was very intense, and I missed my family the most. I proceeded to be here even after all the odds. I was learning the language pretty well and I was starting to make friends. Then one day after horsing around with the kids in the school I had been working for as an English teacher, a Japanese teacher screamed in my face and told me to stop doing whatever I was doing. I have never felt more shame and guilt in all my life and this proceeded even worse because the school was upset with my behavior. They did not warn ahead of time because Japanese culture does not like to point out "faults" to keep the harmony. This proceeded to the company that hired me as an English teacher taking a closer look at everything and make sure what can be done to fix this. As it turns out, the schools no longer wanted to work with me so I had no choice but to quit and start preparing to come back to America. Although there where so many aspects I did not like about the Japanese culture, I really wanted to be successful here and make a new life. Maybe I came for the wrong reasons and trying to avoid my problems. Not to mention the weird moments of pornography and masturbation that crept in. Now I am broken because my dream has been shattered and I will have to go back. Although I have 10 times more opportunities in America due to my education and work history, I really wanted to make my life here. I have been sitting dull in Japan for like 2 weeks, but I think this was necessary because I found this community and my beliefs in God and the bible have resurfaced after all my displeasure in the christian religion. I still want to get married I have just been having issues with talking to girls also. Maybe I need to reboot from girls, porn, masturbation altogether. Any help will or constructive criticism is helpful. Thank you