my life is like in PAUSE

hi again i couldnt stop my life is like in PAUSE since 2017 when i divorced. im trying still i delete all the shitty calls ive made with girls then i recover them and i start again i need to stop this shit but i dont want to go outside because i live in a shitty ass country wish is africa. Algeria. i want soon to go to France but i want to go with a clear mind without this addiction to dopamine. i need help i will just freakout if i keep doing this once i get there i wont be able to do anything and i will ruin my chance to have a normal life again
i made a youtube channel doing biking videos. i got almost 500 subs. it tooks me so much efforts then i gave up and started again fapping. lying to girls to give them money on dating apps to get them to do video calls with me then fap. ive been doing that since a long time.
i need to stop. i ruined my life i lost my wife. my job. then now im living with my mom. shes religious she says that its god faith that he got for me. but she doesnt know what im doing she doesnt know that her son is addicted to virtual sex.
i deleted all the shit videos ive made over this years over a Terabyte of shit then i recovered it using a software and started again...

i want soon to move to France but i have anxiety i will freakout once there or just in the airplane. i thought this plan will help me stop it and keep me occupied but i doubt it will be that easy i will freakout from needing that dopamine. living outside there in a tent. it wont be easy.

help me please i want to stop now before January comes

 

i think when we have social anxiety. and we avoid being outside the comfort space. wish is my room or to talk with people. it is even harder to stay away from doing shits like that.. because im most of the time alone. and its very tricky i stop a few days. then the urge is so hard. because i always end up going back to my habits once i see a lady on a video i find myself on dating apps again trying to fish for a girl .. i want to stop this shit forever and see how my life will be i never had a life without fapping since i was 13

 

ok you said something very right its my only dopamine source. i live in a very shitty situation. and i saw friends finding refuge in alchool and drugs. and i always told myself ok atleast me its just fapping but i was wrong its also a drug. its an escape from reality. you wake up to this sad reality you need something to cope with it and once you get that dopamine rush in your blood. you feel like you can handle this crappy situation.

i decided today again like ive tried before. to delete all the crappy things ive made throughout all this years with girls i deleted the dating app. i deleted anything that might trigger my bad addiction. i will try to find refuge in gaming because i dont enjoy going outside. i will stick to games. perhaps ill have that dopamine and sometimes ill make videos for my youtube channel on my bike when i have the mood to go outside.

wish me a good luck i just think that for people like me with social anxiety. its even harder to deal with this. because i am often on my own nobody around not even brothers or sisters or family my mom is the only one i talk with.

but remember you are the only one who can decide to whether you change your life or keep it the same way it is. i want to believe that i can change my life. i do not want to be older and still living in the same situation since my divorce.

i will soon go to France. and live illegally there i will need my full brain capacity there. i will be needing a strong connection to reality because i will be on my own. perhaps so i can help my mom and send her money working. and not just stay in her place and eat her food and use her money. atleast she will have a better life and i will be participating in it. and i will perhaps have a better situation.

i forgot how to put that counter for how many days i stayed away from this shit that is controling and ruining our lifes.