Need Help!! Don't know where I'm going...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Want2Stop, Aug 9, 2023.

  1. Want2Stop

    Want2Stop Fapstronaut

    I just want it to get out of my chest. I'm so much stuck in MO. I almost masturbate twice a day, and sometimes even more, and that's a daily routine. I know it's too much but I'm just stuck.
    I'm not especially addicted by Porn, because I have people to do sexting with. Sometimes I don't even want to, but boredom leads me to do so.
    I live at home. Jobless. So I have too much of time, and hence such an excessive habit of MO. I usually don't have enough energy to get through the day. I'm so lethargic whole day, and I think it's mostly because of excessive masturbation. I wanna upskill, learn and wanna be something good, but trust me I feel so frustrated and angry everyday.
    Right Now, I wanna study, but I feel frustrated when I'm unable to solve one question, and instead of looking into solution, out of frustration I start having urges.
    I don't know how to cope up with this.

    I don't face issue in talking with girls, or self confidence issues. But I'm getting obese day by day, with dark circles. And I have lost decent amount of Hairs (I'm 21) maybe that's genetic, maybe not so much. But I struggle with self confidence when I see my hairs, and imagine my future, bald. It's very scary.
    I don't have any gf, never had any. Because I never actually felt love for anyone, or even crush, Idk why.
    Also due to this excessive sexting and phone sex. I'm loosing interest in sex. Sometimes as I said I don't wanna do that, but out of boredom I do. Sometimes doing phone sex, I just give up, because I don't want to, but there are always plenty of people out there who wants to do with me, because I'm pretty good at that. And whenever I get even one text, my whole moods get change, and no matter how much I try to distract, I always feel, let's just do one final time.

    I'm concerned about love life and body image as well. I was always a cute guy with charming personality and smile, but I feel like I'm loosing that. I'm loosing the charm when I need it most, 20s, also I'm very young, only 21, and there's whole life out there, I don't want to be a bald obese dark circled guy. I might be too concerned about physical appearance because I love my body, I should not because that's temporary and I know that, I just want to take care of my body, my mind, soul.

    Oh gosh, Mind, damn. I'm getting so spoiled. Whenever I look at any beautiful girl, even at TV, it's just hard for me to resist. It's soo bad and gross.

    I'm also concerned about having sex in real life. I never had sex. I feel like what I become Numb for sex, just like phone sex. What if I develop premature ejaculation, ED, etc. What if I am unable to satisfy my love?

    God help me. or better give me power to help myself.
    Thanks for reading so much, appreciate your time.
  2. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

    Get yourself out of the house and into nature, everyday. Even if it’s just a local park.
    Think to yourself, how can I help others?
    Spend a few minutes each day in silence, without moving your body and eyes.
    You have so much free time now. Why not use it wisely?
  3. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

    I don't want to be mean but I don't want to waste your time so here's the real kung fu.
    Don't get caught up in semantics, erotic stimulation is erotic stimulation, whether it's porn or sexting or a handie at the massage parlor, or even a high dollar escort delivering "the girlfriend experience." Real sex is pair bonding with a single individual over long term, anything else is fooling your neurons and endocrine system, and frying your circuits.
    There's more about anxiety, a contradiction about self-confidence, and I can see by your counter you've been here before but gave up on it, and you're coming in from the cold.
    The trigger pattern of "I do it when I'm bored or distressed," the ambivalence of "I don't want to but I can't stop," and the cycle of "M, feel miserable for M so M some more" are all a perfect textbook description of a maladaptive coping mechanism. You M because you feel miserable, and it's gotten to the point where you feel miserable because you M. Welcome to a small version of Hell. The good news is, this is a common problem and people have proven it can be defeated. The bad news is, it sucks. And more bad news while I'm at it, I'm relatively confident excessive ejaculation leads to bad, thin, brittle hair, and also thin, brittle fingernails, but I believe hair loss is genetic. I know from personal experience how much that sucks, but you can get over it. Keep your hair short, nobody else cares. I mean, maybe some super high maintenance, shallow THOTS here and there, nobody who actually matters cares. Your sexting habit is by far the relevant problem, in terms of mental health, in terms of developing a real relationship, eventually. It's like, you have leukemia and eczema, what are you worried about more?

    Your life will not get better if you keep up your habits, not just sexting, erotic stimulation. Some guys do lateral moves, switch from porn to sexting or sexting to porn, or start seeing escorts because aT LeaSt iT'S rEaL, and then whine about how they didn't get better. Lateral moves are a desperate bid to tell yourself you're improving without making any personal sacrifice or learning anything. That's not how life works. You have to stop using erotic stimulation to escape distressing situations. You have to learn how to resolve distressing situations instead of ignore them.

    Stop sexting. Update your counter. Start a daily journal so you can 1. identify triggers, 2. learn how to mitigate or avoid them, 3. come up with ideas on how to resolve distressing situations instead of capitulating, 4. document your overall progress so you have something to look back on with perspective. Next, find ways to replace the lost dopamine. You need dopamine. Everyone does. It's part of how humans survive and exist, it's an adaptation. Right now you get too much for cheap, you have a hack, so your brain does not produce much in any other context. That's why you aren't interested in anything else. When you stop erotic stimulation, your brain is going to go absolutely nuts, it's going to go bonkers, it's going to constantly cue you to MO, and there's nothing you can do to help that except push through it. I promise you, it does get better if you push through it BUT you have to push through it and you have to replace the dopamine source. Do worthwhile things. Clean your apartment. Apply for jobs. Get out of your pajamas, take a shower, go outside, and work out. Working out might be the most important piece. A lot of guys lift. I run and take jujitsu classes, but mostly run. And do pushups sometimes. It's not about building a body or becoming more athletic, though if you value those things, take advantage of that extra dopamine hit. It's mostly that exercise on its own provides dopamine, and other hormones in a mix that is good for your mental health. It's going to help with depression and anxiety, and it's going to help turn your brain's request to MO down from an unrelenting scream to a dull, tolerable roar.
    You're also going to have to get used to the fact that you're going to screw up. You're going to get it wrong a few times before you get it right. That's how life works. You practice and get better at something. So, don't let your discouragement overwhelm you when you reset. Hang onto recovery, like a dog on a bone, and your streaks will get longer, you'll make breakthroughs, you'll see patches of light and you'll come out of this ok. You're 21, you haven't destroyed yourself. Yet. But if you keep abusing erotic stimulation, you're only going to make it harder and worse for yourself in the future.

    If you're ever interested in the challenges, I recommend Liftoff because it encourages more positive behaviors that will help you stop, and you don't lose everything if you reset. Mostly though, just quit MO, and best of luck to you.
    Yoshixi and Anonymous86 like this.

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