Need Help!! Don't know where I'm going...

Get yourself out of the house and into nature, everyday. Even if it’s just a local park.
Think to yourself, how can I help others?
Spend a few minutes each day in silence, without moving your body and eyes.
You have so much free time now. Why not use it wisely?

 

I don't want to be mean but I don't want to waste your time so here's the real kung fu.

Don't get caught up in semantics, erotic stimulation is erotic stimulation, whether it's porn or sexting or a handie at the massage parlor, or even a high dollar escort delivering "the girlfriend experience." Real sex is pair bonding with a single individual over long term, anything else is fooling your neurons and endocrine system, and frying your circuits.

There's more about anxiety, a contradiction about self-confidence, and I can see by your counter you've been here before but gave up on it, and you're coming in from the cold.
The trigger pattern of "I do it when I'm bored or distressed," the ambivalence of "I don't want to but I can't stop," and the cycle of "M, feel miserable for M so M some more" are all a perfect textbook description of a maladaptive coping mechanism. You M because you feel miserable, and it's gotten to the point where you feel miserable because you M. Welcome to a small version of Hell. The good news is, this is a common problem and people have proven it can be defeated. The bad news is, it sucks. And more bad news while I'm at it, I'm relatively confident excessive ejaculation leads to bad, thin, brittle hair, and also thin, brittle fingernails, but I believe hair loss is genetic. I know from personal experience how much that sucks, but you can get over it. Keep your hair short, nobody else cares. I mean, maybe some super high maintenance, shallow THOTS here and there, nobody who actually matters cares. Your sexting habit is by far the relevant problem, in terms of mental health, in terms of developing a real relationship, eventually. It's like, you have leukemia and eczema, what are you worried about more?

Your life will not get better if you keep up your habits, not just sexting, erotic stimulation. Some guys do lateral moves, switch from porn to sexting or sexting to porn, or start seeing escorts because aT LeaSt iT'S rEaL, and then whine about how they didn't get better. Lateral moves are a desperate bid to tell yourself you're improving without making any personal sacrifice or learning anything. That's not how life works. You have to stop using erotic stimulation to escape distressing situations. You have to learn how to resolve distressing situations instead of ignore them.

Stop sexting. Update your counter. Start a daily journal so you can 1. identify triggers, 2. learn how to mitigate or avoid them, 3. come up with ideas on how to resolve distressing situations instead of capitulating, 4. document your overall progress so you have something to look back on with perspective. Next, find ways to replace the lost dopamine. You need dopamine. Everyone does. It's part of how humans survive and exist, it's an adaptation. Right now you get too much for cheap, you have a hack, so your brain does not produce much in any other context. That's why you aren't interested in anything else. When you stop erotic stimulation, your brain is going to go absolutely nuts, it's going to go bonkers, it's going to constantly cue you to MO, and there's nothing you can do to help that except push through it. I promise you, it does get better if you push through it BUT you have to push through it and you have to replace the dopamine source. Do worthwhile things. Clean your apartment. Apply for jobs. Get out of your pajamas, take a shower, go outside, and work out. Working out might be the most important piece. A lot of guys lift. I run and take jujitsu classes, but mostly run. And do pushups sometimes. It's not about building a body or becoming more athletic, though if you value those things, take advantage of that extra dopamine hit. It's mostly that exercise on its own provides dopamine, and other hormones in a mix that is good for your mental health. It's going to help with depression and anxiety, and it's going to help turn your brain's request to MO down from an unrelenting scream to a dull, tolerable roar.
You're also going to have to get used to the fact that you're going to screw up. You're going to get it wrong a few times before you get it right. That's how life works. You practice and get better at something. So, don't let your discouragement overwhelm you when you reset. Hang onto recovery, like a dog on a bone, and your streaks will get longer, you'll make breakthroughs, you'll see patches of light and you'll come out of this ok. You're 21, you haven't destroyed yourself. Yet. But if you keep abusing erotic stimulation, you're only going to make it harder and worse for yourself in the future.

If you're ever interested in the challenges, I recommend Liftoff because it encourages more positive behaviors that will help you stop, and you don't lose everything if you reset. Mostly though, just quit MO, and best of luck to you.