Need help found girl but...

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Aldo_29, May 26, 2023.

  1. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    Need your help guys,i found a girl and i feel that i want her but my brain still dont see gorls like sexual objects..i realy dont want to start something with girl before i will lose ED. Girl seems very horny and i feel she will not understand it..and it seems that i just scare that girl will think that i cant have sex,but i can ,its just my fy**ing brain is broken..what should i do,please help..im guy who start watching porn before sleep with girls i know that i need more time..but im dying ,its almost 2 years in this shit..please help
     
  2. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Make the change today. Stop using porn. Do everything you can right now to take porn from your life.

    I know you’re in a lot of pain and fear right now. The only way to stop that pain and fear is to do everything humanly possible for you to change.
     
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  3. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    Yuor advice is nothing im sorry. I dont wath porn for almost 2 years,and i havent problems whith that..i dont masturbate for 6 month..and have no sex 3 month.. and your advice - Stop using porn is incredible useless, im sorry
     
  4. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    So if I understand what you are saying-you have not looked at porn or porn substitutes, have not masturbated, for 6 months and have not had sex for 3 months? But you still feel no libido? It could be several things, could be flat line, could be you are IA, could be a physical problem ( low T). You said you were having sex with prostitutes, which is essentially an escalation of pmo. That could also be your problem, they are porn in real life on steroids.,
     
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  5. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    Yes first part of your questions is right..
    About My libido is changeble..one day is high one day is low..for example in last Sunday i fell incredibly high libido..than lower and lower..and after 2 days again high..and now 5 days later again high..and again low..something randomly..last Sunday i wanted to go to prostitute because i saw a women and she seems very hot to me..but it was just very strong thought..im stronger..Today was a similar situation..and i know that every time when i dont give myself what i want (prostitutes in my situation) i making myself stronger..about prostitutes, i realized that i dont want sex with them..i just wanted to see them and touched..will it be bad i dont know..im not leting do it to myself..
    What does IA mean?
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Intimacy Anorexia, about 30% of sex addicts have it
     
  7. Warfman

    Warfman Fapstronaut

    I might be reading between the lines but I think you are dealing with a lot of sexual insecurity and anxiety about sex.

    I think maybe you are putting a lot of pressure on your performance. Which then in the moment is contributing up PIED.

    I'm college we used to call it "stage freight" when we would try and pee in a urinal with a long line of guys behind us. The more people would notice the harder it was to actually go. Once someone stepped away and relaxed then they were able to pee. It's a funny feeling but maybe the same thing can happen if you get really anxious about pied.

    I find it interesting if you haven't looked at P for 2 years and haven't masturbated for 6 months that you are struggling with a lure of prostitution. Makes me think that maybe you are using it and possibly other things as P substitutes. Which might affect your actual recovery?
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2023
  8. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I didn’t see in your original post where you said you were without porn for 2 years, not masturbating for 6 months and no sex for 3 months. In that case, seeing a doctor is probably the best solution. This seems to be more of a medical issue.
     
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  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Are you still seeing prostitutes? When was the last time?
     
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  10. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    Y dont need to read between the lines it actually is im not hide it..i was using prostitutes like porn..i mean my brain used it when i trew away porn..but when i get that,that prostitutes is some kind of stuff wich my brain use ,i threw away prostitutes..and now 3 months i havent sex,and prostitutes and i just wrote it that i feel that feelings that my brain cry abiut prostitutes,y dont need to read between the lines because i wrote it in lines..i feel that but im stay straight..
    And the reason that my brain want it not just because its like porn,but because im on my way to become a sexual addict..yes..now im porn adictt person who want sex a lot but can't have it from 17 years till 29..but when i will destroye this shit i now that i will be sex afict person..becouse guys its shhit in my brain and im fighting with it 1,8 years..and i have done a lot of job whith myself...and the only thing what i can do whith my libido its just kill it whith medicaments,but i will not going to do this..im the person,in im always excepted myself everywhere and always..
     
  11. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    Its bot a medical issue..its just i need more time to return my broken brain i start..
     
  12. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    3 months ago
     
  13. Warfman

    Warfman Fapstronaut

    I was specifically "reading between the lines" suggesting you have sexual anxiety and insecurity. I know you are admitting to the prostitutes. I suggested that for something for you to think about that's all.

    EDIT: I could very well be wrong in my suggestions, I just sense there's something there based on what you wrote.

    I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself and sexual performance. I get it, I felt very similar when I was dating. We want to be "the best" our woman has ever had. PIED I would imagine is embarrassing. What I think we do wrong is think that all we have to do is be good at physical sex and neglect all the other parts of a relationship. Get to know your new gf on a deep level, the sex will be better if you start with that focus.

    And obviously as you know prostitution and relationships just aren't something that should be mixed.

    As far as your libido. I wouldn't worry too much about fluctuating amounts of libido.

    I think it's important we learn to control ourselves, learn to sacrifice our deep desires that seem the most important for something more worthwhile. If you do that I think not only will that make you more confident. But also more attractive to women which will in turn improve your confidence more.

    Ultimately even though I haven't actually lived my view here... I believe that we as men are called to love our wives (in your case girlfriend/potential future wife) with a sacrificial love. Part of that is sacrificing our desires for our partner. We make the choice not to give into a base desire of sexual "release" any time we want it to express our love for our partner. When we act out whether it's PMO or any other sexual deviancy we are actively making our desires more important than loving our partners. Which causes our partners to actually not love us back, which puts us in an awkward position of not actually being "the best she ever had" as we weren't a very good partner to begin with.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2023
    ANewFocus likes this.
  14. @Aldo_29 you asked for help, and everyone who's responding is genuinely trying to help you. Instead of being critical of their suggestions, maybe it would be better if you said exactly what you need help with instead of just saying "please help." How is it that we can help you?
     
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  15. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    I understood you..and thank you for suggesting..
    About my anxiety and insecurity..yes i have it.. But i just cant start dating with girl just becouse my preferences what girl i see or what girl i want to dating is changing...like every guy who has reboot has mood changing and other things which is changing, and i had this preferences changing, it can be every day another preferences or for example ,it can be one week i feel i like this girl and another week how i wanted to date whith her she is definitely not my tipe..and its just now every fu#### day..one day i feel i lije girl this one ,late like this one..another day i like girls 35+...its just like my brain is choosing porn on computer..
     
  16. Warfman

    Warfman Fapstronaut

    So I can only give you insight from my experiences. I think there's an element that if you are dealing with this you wouldn't be doing yourself or this girl any favors pursuing a relationship. I remember being younger thinking I could just date and that PMO would just go away when I got married. Unfortunately that's not how it works. For you to work though this you'll have to continue working on your issues. You seem to understand you are still dealing with issues and know that prostitution is bad. The only way to fix this is lots of deep emotional self infprovement. It takes a lot of patience and effort analyzing how you feel.

    From my limited understanding I think you have just resorted to P subs the last 1.5 years and that it hasn't resulted in the results you are wanting. I think you need to search your feelings there and work on that. Otherwise you are really not going to see the change you are wanting. If that makes sense.
     
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  17. Warfman

    Warfman Fapstronaut

    Something I think that would be a great start is if you started thinking about how you felt when you feel the urge to go to prostitution. Do you feel lonely? Is it that anxiety? Stress? A feeling of uncontrollable libido? What do you think? Take some time to process these feelings. It might not be obvious to you right away but I think eventually you'll see some repeated common issues. What do you think currently are reasons you are doing this?

    Once you have an understanding of why I think you can then start to realize the issues that you need to work on. This is the hardest part.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2023
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  18. Aldo_29

    Aldo_29 Fapstronaut

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    Its not lonely thing becouse that problem i have been decided ,and also have been decided my past life and my events there..also have been decided many stuff in my head like stereotips ,i through away many unneeded stuff and habbits..i really really have done a loooot of job with myself...
    Now when was this prostitutes urges..ones was becouse i saw a hot woman..and what i understood why i wanted to go,or why my brain wanted to go to visit prostitute its just habbit..or libido....once i havent bysy maybe i needed to do something but not lounly definitely..often its libido thing..high and down..
     
  19. Warfman

    Warfman Fapstronaut

    Does this up/down libido worry you?

    It sounds like you have done a lot of work. It seems that maybe you have just replaced PMO with other behavior that isn't helping. So I think that's where you start.
     
  20. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    I think a lot of guys feel this way and using porn makes it worse. I think a good rule which I live by is only have sex with someone you would want to have a child with. I'm not saying you should have a child with her but if you were to have a child you would gladly have one with her. The reality is you're going to find other women attractive but you can't have sex with every woman you like. Personally, I like different types of women but the kind of women I would want to have a child with is rather limited. And by the sound of things this girl you like doesn't sound good for you.
     

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