No friends, no girlfriend, miserable job

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Ji83j, Mar 30, 2019.

  1. Ji83j

    Ji83j Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I’m entering my late 20’s and the title of this thread says it all really.

    I have no friends and that’s no exaggeration, if I want to go to the movies or something or do anything period I’d have to go on my own which I did once and I felt very insecure and uncomfortable, I went into a movies one Friday or Saturday night and bought a popcorn and I saw everyone with someone, I walked into the theatre and I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me, maybe they weren’t though but it felt like it. I never tried that again.

    The issue right now is that I hate my job, I never liked school so I don’t have any university degree or anything, it’s a physically laborious job, I unload containers at big distribution plants and the money can be decent ($200 per day) but the weeks go on for so long and I wish I had something to look forward to on the weekends.

    I’m convinced if I had a girlfriend that it would make everything so much better because seeing her and spending time with her would get me through every week like I’m superman. The weekends are supposed to be a fun time like that song “everybody’s working for the weekend” but for me they’re just painful reminders of how little I have and what I’m missing out on.
     
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  2. >>No friends, no girlfriend, miserable job
    Dude stop copying me
     
    Nick:3, Homo Deus, Capt. U and 2 others like this.
  3. That is the wrong mentality IMO, you need to be happy by yourself first, sounds like a cliche I know but is truth.
     
  4. OnTheEdge

    OnTheEdge Fapstronaut

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    I know how you feel. The only people I would consider close to friends are work colleagues. The reason everyone else is with someone else at the movies is they haven't got the courage to do these things on their own. You should try doing that again - it shows a lot of courage and confidence. I've had to go into a restaurant and eat on my own a few times and I know it's a really, really difficult thing to do because you assume everyone thinks you're weird. In fact, the worst experience I had was I was eating on my own and someone I knew was eating in the same place - only difference was they were with other people! But I know other people have this same fear so it's not unusual. I feel a lot better after I've gone out and done something on my own. You have to start trying to change your mindset so that you don't assume it's not worth doing anything by yourself. Plus, even if you had a girlfriend it's not like you can do everything with her. At the end of it all, the best person you have is yourself. Even if you had a girlfriend and loads of friends yourself is the best person you have.
     
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  5. nef

    nef Fapstronaut

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    At least you have a job
     
  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    So what are you doing to fix this problem?

    Are you just passively waiting around wishing things were different?
     
  7. StraightEdge3616

    StraightEdge3616 Fapstronaut

    Hang in there man, you remind me of myself. You will find someone when the time is right. Message me if you need to talk.
     
  8. Anubis Rises

    Anubis Rises Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    im in same position but the mind is a powerful thing if you focus on the wrong thing it well make it worse or destructive, i work 40 hours a week im tired when i get home so resting takes up most my time, and my guitar playing, i probably have just one friend i hardly see he usually just wants something from me when he gets in contact with me, i always eat at restaurants alone, it use to bother me but it dont no more, i pursued woman in the past but only rejections so i stopped i put my pursuits on personally building of myself and life, ive been single since 2010, my longest nofap streak is 140 days im trying to reach nofap for ever thats my new focus no relapse ever,i take my grandma out on my days off so thats that, were going out this evening to a 5 star resturant to celebrate another raise , ever since nofap my focus on things magnified and all ive been getting is promotions an raises ,becare full were you aim your focus, and i dont really feel loneliness no more
     
  9. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    Learn to enjoy doing things alone that you want to do. Who cares what other people think of you. I've gone to movies and concerts alone, did the feeling suck? Yeah. Did I meet cool people and try to engage in talk/joke when appropriate? Yeah. Did the experience give me something to talk about with future people I may encounter? Yeah.

    Like @OnTheEdge mentioned it gives you courage and confidence to do things you enjoy on your time.

    I used to think that way. Wishing and hoping that an women would feel sorry for me, and expect her to pamper me to make my day better. Thinking she's all mine, and yet behind my back she'd probably be screwing another guy who is more confident in himself and outgoing.

    So, how do you first plan on getting into an relationship like that? What can you tell her about yourself? The interesting experiences you've had, and do to make her want to stay in an relationship while staying at home dwelling all day.

    The weekend? Well what's weirder?

    The guy going out, meeting new people and making friends? Or the guy staying at home alone on an Friday night?
     
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  10. ssha6451

    ssha6451 Fapstronaut

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    Do you speak to anyone at work? Try suggesting that you do something on the weekend together?
     
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  11. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Actually, my first piece of advice for you was to keep putting yourself out there. I understand that going to the movies like that was a weird experience for you, but I promise you it will get easier if you keep doing stuff like that. Just get out and about. It's really the only way to meet people. Do stuff you're interested in (even if it's just going to the movies). If you keep doing it, you are bound to meet people. It's just the way the world works. Don't let one uncomfortable experience prevent you from leaving your house.

    The more people you know, the more job opportunities there will be. I think forming connections with other people (especially family members) is the best way to find new job opportunities. Like I said above. Keep putting yourself out there. Don't give up. Things will get better.

    No, it wouldn't. Think very carefully about what you said.

    First of all, relationships can be very toxic sometimes. I was in a relationship for about three years in my early twenties that was draining for me. It was holding me back from my full potential, she was cheating on me, and we fought all the time. It wasn't healthy, and it was definitely a negative force in my life.

    Besides, even if you weren't in a toxic relationship, that wouldn't magically make everything so much better. Relationships take a lot of work. Sure, they can fill you with energy and motivate you, but they can also use up your energy. Even the healthiest relationships out there take a lot of work from both people to keep things balanced. It's not something that will work out if you aren't already comfortable with who you are. There are ups and downs in every relationship, just as there are ups and downs in life itself. Even in your most ideal relationship, things will not always be rosy.

    According to who? Everyone is different. Personally, I think a lot of the stuff people are holding out for on weekends is pretty lame (mostly because I'm not much of a drinker).

    Besides, there's a deeper issue with the "everybody's working for the weekend" mentality. If you spend the entire week just holding out for the weekend, you're basically just wishing your life away. If you could skip the entire work week and just have nothing but weekends, would you? Think about that very carefully, because I think if you give it enough consideration you'll realize that the work week is full of valuable experiences, and that if your whole life was nothing but weekends then weekends wouldn't feel very special at all.

    Again, my main piece of advice is just to get outside more. Go out and do stuff (both on weekends and during the work week as soon as you get off work), even if it's just by yourself. Go for a walk out in nature, go bowling, go to a bar, go to a coffee shop, go to the movies. It's your life, and there are so many options for you to choose from. You don't need to be leaving your house with other people in order to have a good reason to go out. If you keep doing the things you enjoy and keep putting yourself out there, you will inevitably meet people and form relationships with them (not just women, but men too).

    I understand you're feeling down right now, and I don't want to invalidate that feeling, but I just want to point out that moping about it isn't going to make your situation any better. So stop moping about it and start doing stuff you actually enjoy doing with your life.
     
  12. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    Im similar. Very solitary person, but ive never really had a problem with my own company but thats a chicken egg thing - ie: either I was unable to form friendships so became ok with my own company, or because im ok being alone, I never formed friendships. I do pretty much everything alone. Skiing. Mountainbiking. Running. Going to cafes, restaurants etc...My view has always been, given the choice of NOT doing something, or doing it alone...? Well thats a no brainer. And if im going to be alone, Id much rather be doing something I love (like skiing, mtb'ing) rather than sitting around at home feeling sorry for myself.
    Basically, it comes down to this - either you continue as you are, seeing yourself as a passive victim of circumstances you (wrongly) believe you cant control, or you say "Fuck that", decide that you deserve better, and start taking steps towards the life you want.
    Seems to me like you are longing for a girl to fill the hole in your life and you are trying the wait and hope strategy, well good luck with that. I think this is a long term goal you need to put on the back burner for the moment, because there is stuff closer to home that needs your attention (ie - your mindset and finding ways to enjoy yourself, or "feed your soul" as i like to say).
    Take action. Good luck!
     
  13. delhiboy

    delhiboy Fapstronaut

    Talking of history, people who travelled world or warriors or soldiers, sailors used to stay alone for long periods of time. Normal village people always lived together in community.
    So its normal to live alone, but never take it in negative way. But eventually you need to be someone have kids or family. So look out for those things, work for it. Instead of feeling low about not having friends try to make them.
    All the best
     
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  14. ADGiving

    ADGiving Fapstronaut

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    u can join our discord and talk to us anytime u feel like, we are only 4 members so far looking for more people, but we always have someone to talk to :) https://discord.gg/ZeRNtD
     
  15. ADGiving

    ADGiving Fapstronaut

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    i feel you, i have been through that cycle, i actually do have friends but they always used to reject me when going out, now i stopped asking them and they call me from time to time, but i don't think they are the right people, im still looking for friends and i still feel lonely sometimes, but it means that i need to take action just like u did, visting this forum and trying nofap is the best thing u are doing right now and this is just the beginning!

    i assure you that it's not the right way to go about it, i used to think long for that and a girlfriend came to my life and i did not know how to handle it because we kept fighting and the pain was worse than when i was alone, yes u need a partner but u need to do ur best now to imrpove urself, ur future partner needs u well educated, and ready for a relationship, not a guy who's not happy, so find something u are intersted in, something that can filful you, something that requires a sacrifice, so u dont regret that wasted time in the future :)
     
  16. cdn_96

    cdn_96 New Fapstronaut

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    hey man , ive only been on NoFap for a short time but i can say the last week and half has been super cool . Extreme confidence boost , lack of self doubt and things in general felt much better like i had no barriers . I will say i had 3-4 day withdrawal phase that was rough af before the change.

    For example: i want to go out and meet girls/guys ,information like books/podcasts just made sense and the principals were internalised . i will mention though that i was concerned about how confident i was purely because i didnt want to become egotistical, regardless ask yourself questions about why you want the things you want and write your answers down so you can reference them .
     
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  17. selfimprovement8008

    selfimprovement8008 Fapstronaut

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    a strategy is to try to become better at job, may help in confidence also if not just one day work at retail its the worst but yu learn how to talk to strangers and regular customers are like friends
     
    delhiboy likes this.
  18. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    There are probably a few people here who have said it already but it needs to be stated again: You are beginning in the wrong end as you have to feel happy, confident and content on your own first. Anything that comes out of a mindset dominated by feelings of neediness, lack and scarcity will never work out well and get you far in the long-run. Primarily since you attract exactly what you project/radiate to the outside world, i.e. if you project lack, scarcity, and neediness, you will attract people and circumstances with the same kind of energy.
    This written law of action & reaction is not made-up but works exactly in accordance with the laws of nature and the Universe. How do I know it?
    Because, I was (only a few years ago) one of those people filled with anger, frustration, envy, low energy and neediness which only attracted more misery and stagnation into my own life.
    The day I started to finally gain some self-control, I was able to push these negative thoughts away and today, things seem to go my way on a daily basis because I am filled with positivity and feelings of abundance, wealth, and prosperity.
    I am not the least worried that I will soon find a woman who completely matches my energy levels and mindset!
     
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  19. futuremd

    futuremd Fapstronaut

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    Get out there champ. There are only 2 fears that you're born with:
    1) Fear of falling.
    2) Fear of loud noises.

    The social anxiety (fear of people judging you) that you've harbored for no reason isn't innate. The PMO could possibly be fueling it. Act like you own the moment that you're living in.
     
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  20. Vilkas

    Vilkas Fapstronaut

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    If you don't like your job, quit it. do what you like. I know what you feel cause i have no girlfriend too and just 3 or 4 real friends.
    If you have time go to a club sport, club art or whatever you want. you will met people and maybe someone you like.
    don't loose faith, i know life seems meaningless and days are rough. but pain and sadness are just a part of life, not life itself, you can find love and some friends. don't give up
     
    White Sheep likes this.

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