Not sure about my sexual fantasies and semen leaving out-Relapse?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by iceQ, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. iceQ

    iceQ New Fapstronaut

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    First of all, I just want to say that I am here from January this year, and I have been reading posts on this forum every week (almost every day). I have never seen so many supportive people that are nobly gathered for the same goal. I have a question about relapse- Does it count as a relapse if my semen has left out the penis, even in smallest form possible, just a spot on my underwear. I had this crazy fantasy last week about a girl that I have saw in my library where I have been studying. So when I got home I was lying on my bed listening to music, and she came to my mind, and than I begun fantasizing. I suppose not watching porn (45 days now) has enabled my mind to visualize better. Also I got horny a lot lately, and I have so many urges to masturbate. I don't know is this just my natural sex drive becoming more intense and better functioning..?

    One more thing. This is my second streak, and I am holding on successfully. On my first streak that I have began on 31st December, last year, I have printed a calendar with a three months in a row, marking my reboot of 90 days, and each days I was crossing a day with a marker. I managed to get 14 days and than I relapsed. I don't know if any of you have experienced something like this, but I cannot but think that that crossing days on calendar has got me stressed, and I became imaptient to get to my 90th day of reboot. I was like subconsciously reminded of the fact that I cannot masturbate and it was getting to my head and feelings. I had a period when I was so depressed and down, sad- I guess that is normal in this process!?. I couldn't concentrate so much on my studies, I mean my work habits stayed, but my working memory didn't function well. Also old memories started to be present in my thoughts, memories of sad experiences, with my exgirlfriend and so on. There were times in those days I have felt like nothing, like everyone was ready to bring me down- this was all on my first streak, before reboot. I have relapsed because I was thinking that noFAp doesn't function, but I told myself that I will stick with not watching porn. I have decided to give noFAP another chance, because I have managed to get some of the benefits-like sharer thinking, and better and more relaxed conversation with people .Now I just occasionally check my day counter on reddit where I have like a badge.. but I will keep focus on my work. So it's a little bit easier. Even though I relapsed on my first attempt it was a MO relapse, no porn. So I am on my 45th day of no watching porn. It has became easier for me to not watch porn, but urges for masturbation are obvious.

    Thanks for reading this, and sorry if I made some typos. Cheers, and luckily we will all become better versions of ourselves.
     
  2. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    Relapsing is measured by how much control you've lost over what's in your mind, not by how much fluid leaked from your wiener. Get the fantasies under control!! Good luck man
     
  3. iceQ

    iceQ New Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I got that. But, does that mean that I have relapsed, becuase for a while I couldn't think of anything else, but having fantasies about that girl. I could control it for a while, and than it would come back. I didn't fap or wathced porn.. Anyway thanks for reply.
     

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