Objectifying women. Breaking free.

I don't think I ever sexualized women before discovering porn. @BrSweat and @Casserole Yet I cannot help but relate to your stories as well. All I know is that I am the type of guy that tries to be tough as nails but loses his edge when it comes to ladies. I never had much luck with girls in middle school or high school so I just used porn instead I felt great the first few times I used it but when I use it now It just doesn't feel good anymore and I feel sick after each relapse. I can't help but feel this is a curse that I deal with, I see a woman I want to talk to yet I am too shy and scared to talk to her. I then have constant thoughts about how nice it would be to be in a loving relationship with a woman but I never seem to have the cajones to build one, eventually I feel so sexually frustrated that I masturbate, I feel sick and the process repeats anew.

 

this is the trap of porn. The first step is to escape porn, you are in the right place

 

But I still need a plan though, what do I do after escaping it or what can motivate me to escape it further?

 

Stop focusing on the problem and the problem situation for a second, and imagine what it would ideally look like if you are in healthy relationships- with not only women but just a whole community. I think that's what's mostly missing and honestly I don't think it'll be built that quickly but it's worth doing. Traditionally even sex addiction groups would have co-ed meetings along with men and womens only ones, but it seems a lot of those have not come back to meeting in person. But my point is there just needs to be a balanced community context. When people go out on a date it's actually still kind of isolated, I mean you're at a restaurant and in public but it's not like anybody else is a part of the conversation. It may sound old fashioned but whether it's recovery meetings or whatever ideally there's just a lot of different kinds of people, whether it's gender, age or whatever and that just gives a more well rounded view based on how people respond to the conversation. If you want to be in a nice relationship it might be helpful to hang out with someone that has been in one for a long time, or at least have learned from it. Even though most everything has opened back up a lot of meetings haven't come back in person so it'll be slower, it was never a quick fix before and now there's less support but as more people show up we'll have more of that.

 

Well becoming short-sighted has helped me with this issue. Also, the noting technique has been helpful. Noting tends to be commonly used in mindful meditation as a way to deal with distracting thoughts. What you do is treat you treat women who you would stare at as a distracting thought in mindful meditation. So you notice her and then bring yourself back to what you were doing before you saw her. Practising mindful meditation regularly might be the first step to mastering this technique. Here's a video that explains noting in a mediation context:

 

Me and you relate a whole lot. Except I didn’t expect so much sex from my girlfriends.

My problem now is just staring and feeling this uneasiness like i’m awkward or not a normal sociable guy. Hence i’m in a relationship so I don’t really talk to many woman at all else wise. I just feel like I’ve lost the mojo. Like the ability to..


One thing I can suggest is meditation and relax and you can sense your objectifying thoughts and throw them out. Another is looking up tips online YT has a ton.


There’s a guy I was watching a while back and he approaches this Woman by the pool just sitting there tanning like it was nothing.

One thing you could try is crystals. They have energies that provide clarity and a well sense of being. Especially with thoughts and emotions. Some go on amazon for around $20. Not too bad, but they have smaller ones that are just as effective for less mula.

 

I have never understood what is problem with objectifying. Both women and men do that all the time. Women see men as success object and men see women as sex object.

I have been constantly objectified by women and at the same time I constantly objectify women. Seems to me as equal exchange. I wouldn't do that it would feel somewhat uneven.

 

I don't think it's just a matter of the moral judgment with objectifying people as a matter of simplistic reductionism. Some people won't have a problem with the particular kind of objectification if they themselves identify with how the other(s) see them because they consider it a compliment, but that is most likely an ego game. Of course that makes sense to the single objective of the one track mind, anything with more detail is probably like speaking Greek. (or some other language if the addict happens to have that as their native tongue)