While true that having more sex is not an outrageous request or anything - sex is not the same as taking out the trash or throwing in some laundry. It's not a chore and probably isn't best used as a reward. I know from experience that the "it's been a while, so we should do it" sex is some of the least sexy times that can be had while doing it. If he wants more sex, they need to talk about it, what he can do different, what she can do different, their expectations and other issues. It is not something that she should just know through telekinesis, and not something he can just pull his dick out and expect her to jump on it.
Just making sure I understand your point of view correctly. He's horny and has sexual energy, and it's part of a partner's responsibility to release that energy for him, even if she doesn't want to and even if he's betrayed her via porn, etc. The issue I see with that viewpoint is that it's not a wife' job to be a sexual release valve. Sex is a thing two people do with each other, not something two people do TO each other to release pent up sexual energy. As I've said before, if he wants to have more sex, it's not an unreasonable request. But the first step to get there is to talk with his wife about how they got here, what they both want out of sex, and how they can help each other get here. It's a wife's job to listen and care, just like it's a husband's job to listen and care. That doesn't mean a husband (or wife) can just say "i've got too many boners and not enough of them are being solved by your holes". Plenty of apps (we've used one called lasting" that can help you work through things that can help lead to more sex. But walking in and say "I'm expecting X amount of sex and you need to figure out how to get yourself there" is never going to work well.
How long has this been going on? Has she always been busy? Was there a time when sex was more frequent? I found this interesting because you say you masturbate every single day because your wife is always busy, but then you say this... So the reason for why you masturbate was because your wife is too busy to give you sex, but now the reason is that you want to last long during sex? I find this to be an interesting statement because in this statement you seem to insinutate that your problem with masturbation is that you have not been focusing on your wife, which is an odd statement when you say the problem is because she's not focusing on you. Have you asked her why she is rejecting you? Why do you think she's rejecting you? I'm willing to bet you have a part to play in whether she is in the mood or not. What part do you think you play in her not being in the mood?
my friend ..read my posts carefully..Im not talking about who's right or who's wrong ..or that people should demand anything ...nor am I saying what I think is right ethically ..otheriwse we'd all be arguing on here all day , ....all im saying is - and if your a man you know very well what I mean - ...sex twice a month is not easy for most men by any stretch ..not blaming anyone .. and even if he quits pmo ....hell have to reboot and become like a monk , or go on a sexual fast..now if he can do that then cool , whatever ..but im not sure he does want that. Either you have misunderstood me or maybe I haven't expressed myself properly. Let me try again , ..if the guy had more sex with his wife it would probably, most likely benefit and aid him more in his quest to give up porn ..does that make sense?
But it actually won’t help him with his porn addiction. That is the fallacy that so many of you buy into. In fact more sex can have the opposite effect. Sex with his wife is a separate issue that has nothing to do with his pornography addiction. Many men have sex with their partner and an hour later are jerking it off to porn. He needs to address his addiction, without convoluting the issue by believing how much or how little sex he gets drives or stops his compulsive behaviors. Why in the world do you think leading experts in sex addiction promote total abstinence from all sexual activity? This includes seeing your partner naked for 90 days when you first start recovery??
Personally I joined because I was addicted to watching porn and masterbating to porn ... I joined this community, a few of us made a telegram group, addressed a few main triggers that I had and im thankful to say I'm doing well, I'm not watching porn or masturbating and my relationship with my wife has improved outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom. She's been so supportive and understanding ...so what's your story ....since we have opposing views im interested to know why you joined and where you are in your life right now .. if you prefer not to say I would totally understand
Interesting...I'm pondering over your words ....what are your views on a person being horny ...im horny alot , is that a good thing ( in your opinion ) or a bad thing ?
You never read my post properly, it seems like you've focused on the words that have rilled you and commented on them so ill say it one May I ask you something...are you addicted to pmo?
No, my husband is. 40+ years of addiction. 3.5 years in recovery. Thousands of hours in counseling , intensives, emdr, biofeedback. It’s not that your words rile me, it’s that you’re believing the lie that more sex will help. Many people in long term recovery are completely abstinent. Many people who are not addicts do not resort to compulsive pmo even if they do not have a partner. Giving an alcoholic a sip of whisky won’t help him in recovery. The issue with sex is they share similar neuropathways as pmo. You are trying to rewire your brain away from pmo neuropathways. Pmo is the superhighway while sex is the frontage road if that makes sense? They run parallel but are two different roads. Similar but not the same. You have major brain changes from your addiction, that’s the issue.
It’s not a good or a bad thing. It just is. It shouldn’t rule you. Do you not think woman have high libidos? Many do especially during child bearing years. Omg, I thought I’d have sex every day once I got married. Twice a day if my husband was-up for it! That did not happen, but I didn’t turn to pmo.
I don't know if you've read Esther Perel but you might find her helpful. She wrote a book called Mating in Captivity.
While That is different tan my original interpretation, I can tell you it's BS. All addictions are an escape from something - porn is no different. If he tries replacing porn with sex, it doesn't solve any of the base problems. Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder, not a lack of sex disorder.
Having sex helped me, its not a lie, it helped me and thats a matter of fact. It continues to help. Thats not to say it will help everyone. But it helped me and I believe it will help this man. If you disagree you disagree. Am I right in understanding your man is free from pmo for the last 3 years ?
