porn and its ways

i find it weird how i got trapped into porn and the paths it has taken me to.
i had started watching porn because of the loneliness i used to feel post my breakup. it used to help me FEEL better(only initially ofc) and i kept on doing the deed of pmo till one fine day i realized that could not last one day without porn.

fast forward to today. i still feel empty inside and try to fill the void with some productive things but every now and then it casues me to search for momentary pleasures.as in quite recently i had staretd joiing a lot of shady groups on telegram and Instagram just to find like minded people and convince myself that its quite normal to do such things(i.e watch porn, masturbate and moreover porn related to a certain category i.e MILF porn and all- yess I had a personal category).

i feel ashamed of myself right now. i have broken my 15 day streak just to jerk off some lame ass gifs from a random lady online who was searching for a something called "sugar baby" idk what that really means.....must be something fucked up.
so i decided to focus on myself for a bit-like 1 year or so and then compare....i have thought of some habit that i want to inculcate-

• learn coding
• start reading more
• work on my project
• work on my communication skills.

i will try to increase the hours i used to dedicate to these activities and jot down how it changes things for the good.