Porn Flashbacks

Hello,

This is my first (of hopefully many) post(s) on here. I have recently been trying to quit porn (PMO specifically) lately, after going through my most addicted episode in my entire life. I literally made porn my religion for a little over a month, and did nothing but watch porn, and PMO. I'll probably make that story it's own post one day.

Anyways, I have tried quitting a few times over the last month. My most successful streak was 15 days. The first week was a walk in the park (as far as urges go). I was having severe panic attacks whenever at work or in public in general after my month and a week completely absorbing myself in porn. This was the first time I was actually scared to watch porn again.

But then, at the beginning of the second week, they started. Porn flashbacks started flooding my mind. There was actually one specific girl/scene that I just could not get out of my mind. I would successfully distract myself, but later on in the day or the next day, she was still there.

Then I started thinking of how I would never see her, or the many like her again. But I kept distracting myself successfully. Until on day 13, I woke up and it felt like everything changed. I just felt like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna watch porn again. And of course as I usually do at a moment of weakness, I tricked myself into the weekend trap. You know, 'I'll only PMO on the weekend...'

In truth, I kept going back and forth the next few days. And I relapsed on the evening of day 15. I found that scene that I kept having flashbacks of, and it was not what my mind had tricked me into remembering what it was. It was just another one of the countless scenes in porn that zap the life away from you.

It's never as good as what your mind may trick you into believing it is. Do you guys struggle with porn flashbacks? Whenever I even start to have the slightest one now, I just immediately tell myself to stop, and that it's a trick.

 

Yes. I have a photographic memory for porn.

I am not a proper meditator but try to employ some of the techniques I've read about. I allow the thought to come and go without judgement. I take note of the effects it's having in my body but I don't act on them. I simply observe. I focus on my breathing until the thoughts and the sensations dissipate.

The thoughts come from your Monkey Brain. They are separate to you. Whether you believe this or not, it's helpful way to visualise it. In fact if you read about how the brain works during addiction you realise you really don't have control over a lot of the mechanisms producing your thoughts.

 

That is true! I have been trying to teach myself to just accept, and note things rather than fight them. It's better to stop and let yourself float to the top of the quicksand rather than fight it and sink quicker.