Porn induced HOCD

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Matty007, May 9, 2017.

  1. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    So basically I am very new to this site found out about it like 2 weeks ago and thought it was a very good site but anyway. So about 1 month ago he random thought of am I gay popped into my head and I totally freaked out and thought and thought I was gay but after a while I finally calmed down and told myself that I am not gay because of all the experiences I've had in my life. I know deep down I am not gay because I have had a very strong attractive to girls since I can remember I even remember chasing around a girl when I was about 5 with a boner the list is endless about how many straight experiences I've had. But not to go on abit of background information I'm 14 nearly 15 year old and have had about 7 gfs in my life kissed and hugged them all and got erections from them all but I won't go on about my straight experiences. But yh anyway about a month ago I had this thought that was I gay that weirdly just popped into my head and the only thing that was giving these thoughts alot of oxygen was what I had masturbated to in the past. So yes I admit it in the past I have masturbated to shemale, bi and gay but he gay porn has only been about once or twice I feel ashamed even typing it of what I've masturbated to in the past but I think because of all the porn I've watched since about 10 for 4 years staright porn kinda twisted what I naturally liked so at the beginning it was staright then it got into lesbian and then like milf and granny , fetishes, gangbang and even rape. I know this is bad for my age but it was the endless days of watching porn. I would usually watch lesbian porn for about 2 hours each day and masturbate about 2-3 times over it and that's when the bi and shemale came in. I started to get bored of lesbian and staright porn and looked for something new something out of the box, weird and naughty and thats when I found bi porn with 2 guys and a girl. When I watched this I would tend to watch the girl alot and even when watching gay/bi/shemale porn deep down I felt ashamed, guilty and thought that it wasn't me especially after I climaxed I would get very depressed and guilty and think what have I just done I'm not gay or bi and then would tell myself I'm not looking at this again but ended up going back after about a month of solid lesbian and staright porn watching. I've started he nofap journey about a week ago got to 6 days and all these thoughts about being gay and checking for erections with bi imagery in my head had gone and even when and image came into my head I didn't get any erections and I even felt sick just thinking about it. I have got an amazing gf who I really love I know I'm only 14 but I do but I feel like if these thoughts stay it's going to effect the relationship. So I really appreciate the time for someone who has read this I know I'm not gay or bi it's more or less how porn twisted and made me look at stuff I would never of deep down. Thanks for reading p.s this is really something to get off my chest because I have been thinking about it none stop for about an entire month. And oh yh I'm on day 1 of my nofap journey today hopefully it can be a lifetime.
     
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  2. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    Also just to add I have never found a man attractive in my life and honestly I feel sick of the idea of being with one and doing something sexual with one and I am not homophobic in anyway I don't have anything against homosexuals or people of any sexual orientation and also have always been certain on my sexuality in being straight the thoughts of being gay only occured about 1 month ago just wish they will go away hope rebooting and rewiring will help and make me become myself again
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
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  3. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Matty007 let go of porn and you will return back to your normal tastes. Seems like your porn addiction made you escalate. Start your reboot today and just accept those thoughts even though its not true. Trust me it will go away and you are not gay or bi. Even if you had a homosexual expierence it does not make you gay or bi.
     
  4. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    @BoBo129 thanks for the response I am starting my reboot today this is day 1 and I'm gonna try to not relapse again and I hear what your saying thanks for your time to read it and answer, really appreciate it
     
  5. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Your welcome. Message me if you have any questions.
     
  6. ICDI

    ICDI Fapstronaut

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    matty stop right now ! dont make it worse trust me you dont want to end up like me and most of us ! you still have the time to free yourself from this fucking cancer !
     
  7. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Livingnightmare is correct. This is nothing to fuck with. It'll be more easier for you to break free since you're only 14. Do not search for reassurance. Just stay strong and focus.
     
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  8. Mr.No

    Mr.No Fapstronaut

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    You are not gay 100% not gay. Stop with porn and you will heal. You are 15 you have plenty of time to find a new hobby.
     
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  9. Mr.No

    Mr.No Fapstronaut

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    Trust us as a 15 year old it is easier dont make yourself problems. And you will enjoy life.
     
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  10. diddykong

    diddykong Fapstronaut

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    This is all pretty textbook porn escalation. The regular stuff doesn't cut it anymore and you start looking for increasingly extreme forms of porn. One day you strayed into gay porn and you may have got a little turned on because of the novelty and the anxiety (which heightens sexual responses).

    What came into your head is an intrusive thought. We get hundreds of these every day. The vast majority we shrug off. Evolutionary it's thought that they may have had a survival advantage ("Is there a woolly mammoth behind me?") Having had an experience of gay porn with some associated anxiety may have made you much more anxious about that intrusive thought but the intrusive thought meant nothing - it was just an intrusive thought. If it's allowed to build though it becomes OCD and it will take over your life.

    Stop watching porn. Start relabelling that thought that you may be gay as OCD every time it arises - tell yourself "This is OCD". It's really hard to relabel at first and you will be seemingly doing it hundreds of times an hour but with time it gets easier and the thoughts will reduce.

    Good luck with it.
     
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  11. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    I will I'm on day 3 now and I can honestly say that it has got better even after 2 days I felt a big difference thanks for the response
     
  12. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the response I am on day 3 now and I'm starting to see the difference
     
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  13. Matty007

    Matty007 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for the response I've stopped now I'm on day 3 and I can say. That these intrusive thoughts have not been popping up as much now I can already start to see a difference even when I was looking at my girlfriend the other day we made eye contact and I got an erection, sorry for the cringe but I see a difference but thanks agian for the response really appreciate it
     
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  14. Deleted Account likes this.
  15. read around on that site (and here) a little more... there are no guarantees, but I don't know of anyone who has done reboots or quits and not had great benefits.
     
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  16. LivinginRecovery

    LivinginRecovery Fapstronaut

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    Yes this is absolutely true. I have spoken with people who have got off looking at the most disgusting things imaginable and by the time they have reached Day 90 they are back to what they used to be turned on by. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but yes novelty and anxiety DOES heighten sexual response and so it can create havoc internally because it makes us think that what we've been looking at and fapping to is who we are when that's not necessarily the case at all especially when we have needed more and more sensational things to release to to jack up the reward circuit in the brain. I suffer with HOCD too yet outside of porn I have never looked at another guy in 'that way' nor have I wanted to act out on it and I have had offers. Porn is fantasy. Hold onto that. Stay strong @Matty007. You're doing great.
     
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  17. I agree that there are plenty of positive aspects to stopping masturbation. But that writing was not encouraging me with the talk of NoFap's side effects.
     
  18. understood. That may be personal experience of that user -for example some people experience flatline differently than others. I was 'scared' of flatline and now i kind of like it...
     
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