Porn makes me feel really ugly (F)

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by safarihats, Jul 14, 2020.

  1. safarihats

    safarihats Fapstronaut

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    Hey there, Female Fapstronout here. I was going to put this on the women's forum, but I felt like this was something that might be relevant to everyone. Idk, maybe it's just me. I've been on my NoFap journey for a while now, and I wanted to present an observation I have noticed within myself, and see if anyone else shares these similar feelings. If not, I at least want to put these feelings out there to rant. But basically, for a while now I have struggled with body issues and my self image. I always wondered why I had such a negative view of myself, I was never bullied or given a reason to think otherwise. After some thinking, I eventually came to the realization that these feelings of inadequacy started after I got into P. I would compare myself to the girls in the videos I watched, even though I was and still am a big believer in the beauty of variety in body types and facial features. I am by no means putting down the women involved, but I know that P is especially notorious for exaggerating the female body for viewing pleasure, and keeping that exaggerated standard in a specific box for what a "woman should look like." It's basically the same feeling other people might experience when comparing themselves to an Instagram influencer or a model in a magazine I guess. And on top of that, relapsing to this thing that makes you feel so insecure just makes me feel even more like a degenerate. I know that women aren't the only ones who experience this exaggeration, as it happens to the guys in P too. This standard is not something to compare yourself to, and even when I first started watching P I was aware of this. But my god, I still felt like shit.

    Anyways, a few days ago, I relapsed and I'm feeling the insecurities again. I've been feeling way more sensitive especially about my acne and just my face in general, but also really mundane things like how fine-textured my hair is. It's ridiculous, I'm not losing hair or anything, I was just born with a head of hair that's a little bit thinner than others, and I guess that's something my brain decided to be insecure about tonight. Cool then.

    I notice that the farther I move away from my relapse date, the more confident I become in who I am. I know that's the whole point of NoFap, but just curious; does anyone else experience these toxic feelings of inadequacy and resurfacing insecurities after relapsing, based on the standards portrayed by the P Industry??

    Sorry if this was super long-winded or poorly worded, it's very late rn, and I had a bit of a meltdown (I know that sounds really childish and vain. I'm just tired of feeling yucky yk.) earlier because my skin has broken out really badly, as well as some other personal frustrations. Even though it's so late, I can't seem to sleep though because the insecurities have just been building up in my mind, and I needed a place to write them out. I just feel shitty, man. What about you guys?
     
  2. Dontwantporn

    Dontwantporn Fapstronaut

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    Hi safarihats all the time, my pmo addiction / insecurities tend to revolve around each other I would even say they feed of each other. Either I do a big stuff up or something happens that brings up the past were these insecurites fester which make me feel so inadequate make me feel like a failure that all I want to do is escape that unfortunately is not possible so I escape into an alternate/fictional reality ie; PMO I don't know why what is it that keeps me gravitating around it, and it gravitating around me. With all this in mind I'm asking you if you would consider we become each others Accountability Partners. To keep each other in check. Would be of benefit to you.
    Best thoughts to you safarihats.
     
    FinPaja2020 likes this.
  3. I think most of us can relate to it in some way or another. You make great points. Social media, movies etc. can also cause this.
     
    FinPaja2020 likes this.
  4. P industry shows a false picture of sexuality and people's behaviour in general.
    We are the reality. Unless we are narcissists, we tend to downgrade ourselves while we shouldn't.

    I also have similar thoughts about women's general worries. I guess, women have it harder when it comes to appearance. Deep inside they dream of being beautiful, but they like to compare themselves to others more than men (at least, when it comes to looks).
    You're most probably beautiful, but your confidence needs an additional boost.
    Look in the mirror, look at the colour of your eyes, look at the shape of your lips and nose - they're unique. You won't find a copy of yourself. It's statistically impossible to find somebody who looks exactly like you. Your uniqueness is beautiful. And, like you noticed, it will get better and better the more you practise NoFap.
     
    FinPaja2020 likes this.
  5. feeling insecurities has now become a normal trend... nowadays people not only feel insecure for themselves but also for their partner...
    i have read recently that in 70% of the clients who visited to prostitutes, they now go with porn video or pics and they ask the prostitutes to do those stuff from the porn... so clearly nowadays humans are not happy with the choices of their partner and it clearly show how much have porn impact our mind and screwed it...
    we want everything in real that are shown in porn... but in real not only us but also partner would feel gross while doing those scenes... yeah I also feel insecure when I see male having an erection and doing porn video for 30 minutes long shot with same erection while I was hardly having any such erection before i began my nofap in hardmode... you feel insecurity for look and body and i feel insecure for physical stamina while maintaining that erection...
    but at the last of the day the truth is they are having various types of steroids and drugs to maintain their physical stamina while female actresses have to go through drugs, physical & sexual abuse and lots of make up to maintain that look...
    the only conclusion is that is their profession and they need to look better on camera else they won't have any much impact on our mind... our mind is also just something which is attracted to physical appearance... it is been 4 months since i did pmo... but yeah before that i just feel disgusting everytime i relapsed... in February i watch one porn video and that female pornstar was looking good so i google her name... i found out one article which was 2019 January one year old in which it was mentioned that the porn star had died one year ago in 2018 and while it is been one year since her death porn industries still haven't removed her videos... i feel so gross about myself that i relapsed while watching someone who was dead 2 years ago at that time i decided to quit pmo by any means... even though it take one month to start my journey with such determination but yeah for last 4 months my mind is at peace... i don't have regret of relapsing multiple time every single day... you need to get out of your pmo zone until you are stuck there you won't be able to quit such feelings... all above words are from my personal experience... i hope it may answer your question
     
    FinPaja2020 likes this.
  6. Αλέξανδρος

    Αλέξανδρος Fapstronaut

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    When I am on Instagram, when I see those handsome males, those perfect lives, I just feel like shit. I remember many months ago, porn made the same effect. If you see a beautiful man or woman down the street, you won't feel as jealous as you would be on social media. Just uninstall that shit, it only hurts you. I suffered from bullying, yes, but after starting NoFap and deleting social media, starting working out, along with other good habits, my self-esteem increased a lot; I feel powerful, I feel like an alpha male, I feel that no one can stop me, and this is incredible. Good luck with your adventure!
     
    FinPaja2020 likes this.
  7. I don't know. I see these hunks celebrities in media everywhere but I don't feel bad? If I were a woman I would be happy with my male self.
    So I don't know.
    Does that mean something?
     
  8. Yes, to guys these things reflect in a similar way ...we also get insecure about our looks, since usually you'd see very fit tall guys in those videos, not to mention their penis size which makes a lot of addicts insecure about their own. Seeing the acts of guys and women in those videos gives us completely wrong idea what women want and we tend to feel as we can't meet that criteria. Therefore a lot of addicted guys fall into the pit of insecurities and all other negative emotions with it.

    Generally speaking it hurts both, men and women..
     
    Indurian and +TenPercent like this.
  9. Yes. I can't remember the last day I didn't wish to have a larger one.

    That's nonsense. Big breasts and butts are attractive on their own. It's just biology, no brainwashing required. Doesn't mean a girl can't be hot without those, of course.
     
  10. Imagine caring about having a "bigger one" haha :D

    And you are nonsense. Big butt is not something I like, for instance. Quite the contrary, I find it to be really out of proportion. Breasts are another thing, but even then too big is just not good + you can always tell if they are natural or not. If they are not then it doesn't matter how big they are.
     
  11. Unfortunately I don't have to imagine it since I'm bothered by it constantly.

    Of course they can be too big which isn't appealing. But most pornstars, influencers and whatnot are not in that category - at least in my estimation. Judging by the insane popularity that those women won with their bodies I'd say the majority or at least a significant percent of guys share my view.

    Obsession with body parts is nothing new. There are paintings and figurines made thousands of years before Mindgeek was founded.
     
  12. Time to grow up and start caring about things that actually matter, then. ;)

    Which pornstars are you talking about? Most porn stars I ever seen were pretty ugly so maybe I am an anomaly of a man, or maybe not? Maybe it is only weirdos that find them attractive? And the Internet makes it look as if every man drawing breath thought of them as super attractive?
     
  13. 100% agreed. I have been trying to make that change for many years now.

    Okay... I wonder why are you here then. Since you find them ugly I assume you don't have a problem with watching porn.
     
  14. Trying for years with no results? It is time to change the way you do things, then. Maybe the way you look at life?

    Why am I here doesn't matter.
     
  15. Leader of ME

    Leader of ME Fapstronaut

    Unnaturally big . Gigantic . Fake . Made . Why I got to even say it , like you didn't know what it was .

    Much love .
     
    fg4795 likes this.
  16. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    It's not really about what you find 'attractive'. Imagine if every orgasm you ever had - hundreds and thousands of them - were while staring at these women. Do you not think that would have an affect on the kind of woman you find desirable? or the kind of woman that you associate with sexual pleasure, at least.

    Same with the porn dicks. If you are spending more time staring at John Holmes type dicks on a screen than at your own, do you not think that would affect the way you see yourself?

    It's great that you don't suffer from these anxieties, but plenty of people do. People that no doubt don't have a problem with the issues you face as well.
     
    fg4795 likes this.
  17. Don't think I would ever want to have an orgasm while staring at them. It's better to have it without staring at any of them to be honest.

    Bro. Imagine being a guy and watching porn only to stare at dicks :D Hahaha.

    + I happened to see one that was pretty good looking - not big, just nice to look at - although it might have been that it was similar to mine. I am not 100% sure.
    But it was just one. And that actually was a pretty fine video. Don't think there is another one like that.

    I don't suffer from anxieties because there is no point. I am what I am and that's what I work with. Yes it would be nice if I was better in some ways, but I am not and that's that, so I work with what I've got, if that makes sense.
     
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  18. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Complete sense. It's a pity that your attitude towards other people's issues is 'well I don't have them so it's fine'. Sadly, it's an attitude I'm seeing more and more on this forum.

    Who would have thought that a bunch of masturbation addicts would be so self-absorbed? ;)
     
    need4realchg and FellatiousD like this.
  19. Bro. I used to be anxious myself, especially when I was younger.
    The reason I am not anxious anymore is because I don't give a shit anymore.
    Not because I was never insecure to begin with.
     
  20. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    I don't understand your point. Why do you think it's helpful to laugh at or dismiss the fact that porn makes a lot of people feel insecure? Do you know what addiction is?
     
    need4realchg and Musicmad like this.

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