Questions for men involved with texting/calling escorts

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by girlfriendofm, May 29, 2019.

  1. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    Hi everyone!

    I am not someone in need of NoFap I actually don’t even watch porn at all but my boyfriend I found out has a bad problem with calling escorts repeatedly (multiple escorts a day) waiting for them to pick up or texting multiple escorts all day long. It started it looked like as cam sessions with girls on skype he paid for personal videos or Skype sessions and then escalated into more. With the escorts...I don’t know what was said to them just could see hundreds of text messages a week that’s been going on for over 4 years. He says he paid for pictures or videos from them and some he paid for pictures or videos to see if they were real and some he said he would text to meet up and then not go (he says for various reasons like they didn’t answer or they were too far away) but I can’t help shake the feeling that for four years someone was just addicted to texting them and calling them every day without seeing them. He did admit to going to a massage parlour which he said he didn’t like then he found a kinky masseuse and started seeing her (but why her out of the hundreds of others he contacted) whom when I saw the messages he said she was someone from work until I emailed her and she told me what she was. we broke up after finding out about all of this and he saw an escort for a blow job in the time we were broken up and only admitted it because I saw proof he lied at first said it was a lap dance, then a blowjob with a condom the whole time then he admitted to taking it off and ... on her. All of this just seems to not add up. Has anyone ever constantly texted or called escorts just to fake set something up? Or pay them for picture and videos? It doesn’t seem right. Help please. Trying to understand this lifestyle. He hasn’t talked to or looked up any of them in three months and no porn now for three months as well.
     
    Tafi likes this.
  2. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

    21
    32
    13
    I have experience in contacting escorts for appointments and Im surprised he was able to text them all day long.. You can ask them several questions but at some point they expect you to commit to a appointment.. and some of them get bombarded with text messages all day long I don't understand how they had the time to engage your boyfriend all day long
     
    General Urko and need4realchg like this.
  3. James02

    James02 Fapstronaut

    116
    98
    28
    I have had struggles with viewing escort pictures online, texting, calling them... but never engaging in any services. The thrill for me was to 'seek' but I was not addicted to the 'find'. It's sorta a brain/dopamine issue because it feeds off the anticipation of a potential encounter, after the anticipation, there isn't a thrill left, so no need to engage.
     
  4. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    Hi briguy, it wouldn’t be a few all day long but like 20 different numbers with texts exchanged for an hour or so and then nothing new numbers pop up or he’d call them on his way home. One or two numbers a night maybe 7/8 times while driving.
     
  5. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

    21
    32
    13
     
  6. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    I forgot to mention that he would also say that he would meet them and ask them where they were located and tell them he was on the way and then basically pull a no show ‍♀️
     
  7. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

    21
    32
    13

    How many escorts did he do this too roughly in total? because with online escort review boards some escorts have there own forums where they share and trade information about men.. I would think it would have got to a point where these escorts would post his number and share his number with each other and brand him as a time waster and someone to be avoided
     
    General Urko and need4realchg like this.
  8. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

    1,200
    1,430
    143
    First of all, this guy has a very serious problem and he already lied to you many times and only confessed when he got caught. I would not believe a single word he said.

    I used to see a lot of escorts in the past. No escort would waste her time replying back and forth for so long.

    I admit i also used to call escorts and fake interest, it sounds weird but in my mind at that point i just wanted the reassurance that some women would want me (even though it made no sense because they wanted my money, not me). So i can sort of understand some calls, not that that's normal. But if it's hundreds of texts/calls, he has a very serious issue.

    Paying for skype sessions is also like seeing an escort, so if he was doing that in a relationship he was cheating on you.

    I think you should really reconsider why you would stay with such a person.
     
    007malone and girlfriendofm like this.
  9. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    I know they have those forums and I’m sure he’s on there. He would call the same one repeatedly And it looked like they didn’t answer they were one minute phone calls a lot of them. But the texts would be maybe 20 exchanged total between each escort and then he would block the number and not text them again.
     
  10. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    There was about 20 texts between them and then nothing. Maybe 6/7 escorts a day. He would call them over and over again and according to the bill they were all one minute phone calls which looks like they didn’t answer and he was trying to get them to. He cashapped a lot of them and he says it was for pictures or videos from them and the amounts he sent them ranged from 25-60 bucks which doesn’t seem like enough to really pay for an appointment. He’d block them as well after. I know everything he was doing was cheating even the Skype sessions. It’s terrifying someone can be so obsessed with that. He’s sick and I know that but I’m working to see if he can really change. I’ve kinda shocked him a bit showing him a picture of one he did see when we weren’t together and the track marks up and down her arms. He is in therapy as well. I feel like I’m in limbo.
     
  11. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    1,861
    1,159
    143
    It is a very very tough addiction to give up. It starts with texting escorts, almost meeting them, then meeting them, then orgies, then bdsm etc.

    I am only just coming out of it now in my 40s. Never underestimate its power.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  12. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    Well I am proud of you for getting out if it no matter what age. He has stopped as far as I know cause I can see the phone bill and his phone is blockers on it... he swears he sees how disgusting it was and said there were tons of reasons he wouldn’t actually go see them. Me, work, where they are located, bad timing, bad feeling etc. he did see a kinky masseuse a few times but never anything more than that he says. He didn’t want it he said but he couldn’t stop. He admits it was a habit. We are working on it together and until I see a relapse or something changing into that lifestyle I’m willing to work with him. Thank you for your input.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  13. Sysyphus

    Sysyphus Fapstronaut

    I'm not proud to admit that I have a lot of experience dealing with escorts, say at the very least 50 of them, and I also agree that they don't waste their time. They will give you the basic information of the service they provide and if you don't book them they will tend to ignore you afterwards. Also I would use a second phone exclusively to call escorts, so if you're not seeing any more calls on the record, maybe he has another phone by now. These girls typically only engage on a more steady communication with you once you become a regular.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    I do understand that but a lot of it he says was asking them or telling them he would send them money for personalized pictures or videos and then if they said no he would block them or if they said yes he would cashapp them or pay them to FaceTime / Skype etc. there wouldn’t be a lot of texting but he would send three or four to them in a row and they would respond once or twice and then he would send a bunch and minimal responses from them then blocked.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  15. jianpip

    jianpip Fapstronaut

    94
    58
    18
    I got to say that I would love to have the kind of support you are giving to him. It seems that you really care. Watch though about the codependency you might develop by trying to help. It is important that you put your boundaries, to avoid that. It might be really painful and not benefical for you or for him. Having say that. I caught myself in the last few months trying to see escorts posts, and sometimes even saving the number to never text... but it is just something that seems like grasping little by little power on me. It is disgusting and I feel sometimes powerless... sometimes I wake up and realize how stupid it is... but it is true that what is behind is just trying to get something in the real life I can't. Fantasize with something that comes "easy " just by the exchange of few bucks, without having the shame of being rejected. It sucks. I am trying to learn more about it .. and thanks to your post I can see how bad it can gets. It is definetely not something I want to keep feeding in my life. I got to learn by the experiences of others how to take my own distance... thank you again, wish you the best.
     
    need4realchg and girlfriendofm like this.
  16. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    It has devastated him as a person. I am being very supportive and careful not to dive back in to anything it be codependent. I am helping him find the root of why and everything else. I think your brave for realizing it is bad. There are some terrible escorts out there. Heroin and crack addiction even when their pictures look clean and innocent. They can blackmail you and harass you and threaten you. It’s a terrible world to get into. Please stay away for your health. They are pretending to want you for a few bucks. Find someone who wants a real connection with you. Someone who likes looking at you. Likes being with you and not for money and a short time. You got this ♥️
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  17. Sysyphus

    Sysyphus Fapstronaut

    @girlfriendofm You are an amazing woman. I made the horrible mistake of ruining a long lasting relationship by booking escorts on countless occasions. I hurt my then girlfriend so bad when she found out, so I think I know how you may feel. To read here about your willingness to help him out just blows my mind. I really hope you can work things out with your boyfriend, because as contradictory as it may sound, this idiotic behavior doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  18. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    This is a fascinating thread.

    You are exemplary miss/ma’am. I agree with the other guy who complimented you for being so helpful. The possibility of his codependency on you is a delicate balance .

    I am not sure where to rate myself in the escort usage , but I have used use them frequently when I travel.

    I have called and hung up, texted and blocked numbers and honestly the girls do too. The reason is actually easy to explain. Escort work is not a full time job for many girls. They work, study, and escort as a side job many times. Often in secret and their information is oftentimes on websites that they forget to remove so an errant phone number when they are not working gets them in trouble. That’s why most often I would call because the text would not generate a response. Then finding out a guy answers. And that’s that lol.

    I was curious as to which country is this setting as it would help me answer Better as the service and range variety does vary according to the legality and circumstances of where its contracted.

    I also ask questions to understand the nature of the situation, so sorry for that:

    1. You said he called then blocked them. What explanation were you given for why he would block them ?

    2. Also, you said it “escalated into more”— what is the “more” you are referring to? Going through and visiting the escorts ?

    3. Lastly you said “it just doesn’t add up”. What part are you finding hard to believe ?
     
  19. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13
    Thank you I appreciate that. He does love me, I do not doubt that. we have been together for over 8 years we’re going to get married and something changed in him the last year. That whole world changed him as a person. I was his first which could contribute to the wanting of someone else etc. but that was not the way to go about it. He used porn a lot, then cam girls, then browsing and it goes on. He has been honest with me as far as I know and has been a completely different man since everything..even willing to go to church! It’s a tough thing to deal with but we are taking it slow. Thank you for your response I appreciate it.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  20. girlfriendofm

    girlfriendofm Fapstronaut

    29
    26
    13

    Hi, thank you very much. We are in the USA. He said he only contacted them while at work which he works in a city area and does not do much during the day once he’s there. He said he would block them because he didn’t want them calling him back or texting him or asking why he didn’t show up or anything like that while he was home or after he decided not to go.

    He said he doesn’t know how to justify why he chose the one particular girl to see but he ended up seeing an erotic Masseuse instead of the escorts. She did not provide full service or anything else besides hand relied. I spoke to her and she was very polite and told me everything. He had only gone to her three maybe four times in a year. But when I had found everything out we broke up and after we broke up a month or two after (we weren’t really talking) he decided to see a real escort for a blow job. He said he hated it and was scared afterwards and that’s why he didn’t want to do it in the first place before we broke up.

    I guess it’s not so hard but I’m finding it hard that someone would spend a lot of money for pictures and videos of someone he could easily pay to actually see. Maybe it was his way of stopping himself? I just don’t understand the excitement I never have. I’m a faithful person and dedicate myself 100% in relationships but the illegal nature of all this scares me.
     
    need4realchg likes this.

Share This Page