Recover from porn..

Hi Guys, I am new here. I heard a lot about this group, and decided to join today. Let me introduce myself.

I am a 24 year old guy, fit, smart (even got an A in psychology, but still can't really help myself..). I identify myself as straight. From the beginning with porn (around age 12), I was interested in straight porn. But I have made some gay-experiences with an old buddy. We started to jerk off together on (straight) porn, that lead to jerking off eacht other, sometimes oral, and I've done him anal one time. I have never kissed him, because kissing is something so intim and awesome feeling, I just wanted to share with women. It could also be a ''kink'' of me, because I've had a much bigger dick than him. But anyways, that's about 10-12 years ago.

For some reason, about 2.5 years ago, I've got the sudden thought of might beeing gay. That's when everything went down. I suffered from depression in my childhood/teenage years too, jfyi. Anyways, I got thorugh that quite ok. So, I was always watching a lot of porn, sometimes 3-5x times a day, so jerking off 3-5x a day. As I had that thoughts, I lost it. I thought I was gay for 100%. The stuff I watched (mostly Milf, Stepmom etc.) didnt aroused me anymore. I mean, it aroused me, but I couldnt get hard.. So I started to watch gay-stuff, but didnt got hard there either. Time went by, as I started to watch more and more kinky-pornstuff. Started with foot-fetish, Sissy/Trap/Transwoman, Femdoms, yet I watched even (hard) CBT-stuff. I also went on sites like dirtyroulette, to jerk off on cam, that's where I could get probably the best errection. I also started to do some anal-stuff by myself. I mean, I don't think it's really that for me. For sure not getting it from another dude. I found some Femdoms which ''dominated'' me on cam. So far, I have a GF for 1.5 years now. The first times we attended to have sex, it wasn't working. I've got an errection as we kissed, I licked her, but as soon as I put the condom on, puff, my lil buddy went back. I tried some medicament for about 3-4 months, and it helped. Today I can have sex with her, without any medicaments. The fact that I got aroused and horny by here, sometimes just watching her gettin undressed if my proof, for not being gay.

Anyway, today is my first day of NoFap. Be honest, can I get rid of those ''online-fetishes'', kinky stuff, if I stop watching damn porn? I am exhausted at the moment. I didn't talk my girl about it yet. But as I say, I love her and she arouses me.

Sorry for that long ass text and maybe some bad english skills, haha.. I'm happy about anyone who's experienced same stuff like that. Maybe there's already a thread about it or something else?

It crushed my self-esteem, and I had a big and healthy self-esteem, before everything happend. Really here to get cured about that porn shit, and maybe get some answers/reflections of you guys.

Sorry if that's the wrong room.

Peace and love

 

Thanks dudes.

I am sorry for that! Didn't thought about triggering anyone, if that's the case, I am really sorry!
If still anyone knows a thread or something else, similar about this, I'd be thankfull too.

 

Anyone who went through that stuff was dreaming some gay-stuff? I am on day 4 now, and was dreaming about my old jerk buddy. But in my dream I didn't want to do that and tried to escape this situation. Waked up and felt horrible. Happy for any advices how to get thorugh this first, hard days.