Terrified of telling my fetish to anyone

I consider myself fairly open when it comes to sharing the specifics of my PMO struggle with others. I've told at least one person at some point about every single one of my fetishes when I've been asked to, including taboo ones (hentai, rule 34, yiff, even loli)... except for one. There's one that I've never told a soul, and I'm even incredibly reluctant to share it here. At least with the other fetishes I've discovered some online porn presence/community surrounding it, so I know I'm not the only one who has it. But this one fetish is something so specific and strange that I've never been able to find any porn on it whatsoever. It's not even illegal or more immoral than any other fetish, it's just really weird, and I've found no evidence that anyone but me has it.

I'm journeying with a personal formator right now and I really have hope that his approach could be what will finally allows me to find freedom. But in order to find that freedom, I think it's important that I'm 100% open with him about my sexual struggles (God can't heal what's left in the dark). I'm confident I can talk to him about my other fetishes, but I'm petrified of sharing this one.

Help me out fellas. What do I do?

 

Ok I wasn't going to share the fetish here initially, but I think it's necessary that I just get it out in the open, even anonymously. Just to "test the waters" and see how weird this actually is before I tell someone in person. Just keep in mind, I already KNOW it's weird and I don't want to be attracted to it, but I am. The fetish is ranch dressing (and by proxy things related to it, like certain vegetables). Though I don't fully understand it, I have a guess as to where it comes from. I grew up with a strong aversion to trying new foods (I've been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, so I'm pretty sure it's related to that). Growing up I felt a lot of shame over it. I hated being the only kid eating different food than everyone else and was often made fun of for it. My parents and teachers tried so many times to get me to try new foods, even though it was probably my greatest fear. One time I even remember my dad forcing me to taste ranch when I wouldn't do it willingly.

Thought that aversion gradually went away and basically no longer exists now, ranch is one of the few foods I'm still afraid to taste. But I remember having strange feelings about it around the time I began puberty (the same feelings I would get when thinking about other sexual things). When my PMO struggle actually started, ranch was one of the first things I "experimented" with (I won't go into further details than that). Ever since then, it's been one of the primary things that turns me on. The smell, the look, the texture, etc.

I know it's the internet and all, but I ask that you please don't share this or make feel any more shame for it than I already do. If you're just too weirded out by this, I totally get it, but in that case I ask that you don't respond. Thank you.

 

That's a good angle to look at it. The process of writing and posting about it has actually helped me see better the motivations behind it, and I think those motivations probably do require some working through, since they're specific to this particular fetish. Thank you for taking the time to comment and helping me realize this, I seriously appreciate it!

 

Thank you so much for giving it a name. That's actually a tremendous help. I think I'm more inclined to open up about it in person if I can put some kind of label on it, rather than needing to say "I get turned on by ___". And yes, shame probably plays some role in it, which makes me think bringing it to my formator would in fact be fruitful. His focus is on how the formative stories of one's childhood are a primary role in one's psychosexual development, and I think this definitely ties into that. Thanks for taking the time to comment and help me out, it means a lot!