THE INTERSTELLAR CHALLENGE !

Day 26
Some days require more grace.
Some days the mountains are steeper.
But everyday God is willing to give more grace and strength.
No matter how dark the night may be.
Keep trusting
Keep praying
Keep walking

 

day 27

 

Day 9

I was supposed to move to my new apartment today, but due to a mistake U-Haul made about our appointment for picking up the rental truck, I will not be moving until tomorrow morning. With that said, I am marking August 1st as my day 0 (but I will wait until August 21st, because that will be the new day 20 and therefore I will not change statuses for any of my challenges. (I will go from day 29 to day 20, and though it would be one more day to a new status for three of the four challenges I am in, I feel like resetting today would drop my to one level lower for all of my challenges (except one) and then I would feel demoralized looking at the 0 on my counter. But going from day 29 to day 20 would be a lot less demoralizing. With that said, I have to make it to day 21, but I feel fully confident that if I live my life to my fullest, avoiding triggers, and developing healthy coping skills for when triggers arise, I can easily make August my first month clean.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 26.

 

Onwards and upwards now friend. Appreciate the honesty and you haven't lost much progress. Keep walking and fighting the good fight.

 

day 28

 

Day 0 -farmer @hoping_cannon

I suppose I got over confident, or maybe stress got to me. But yesterday was a real mess. I was supposed to move to my new apartment, but then everything went to hell and after posting yesterday, my day went well until I was watching the olympics, and I went to look up whether one of the gymnasts had medaled and I saw a p-sub. Anyway, I could have stopped there, but I did not. I looked at more of the photos (as the p-subs were of a former gymnast in a bikini) and then I found nudes. At that point I knew I had to reset, and a part of me thought, "well, if you already reset to porn, why not have a full PMO session?" So I did. Anyway, now I am on day 0 until midnight tonight, and then onward and upward.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

day 29

 

Day 1 - I am fully moved into my new place and I got my smart TV set up and I had my dad put a pin on the web browser so that I could not view. I honestly got really triggered when I saw that there was a browser on there and I thought for a moment to view once my parents had left. But instead I waited for my dad to be available, and he put a password on. Now I have cable and streaming services, but no web so I am more likely to be successful.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

day 30 - Diving into Wormhole
A great tentation appears , always at night.

 

day 31

 

Good to be back... Well, not good to be back lol, but you get what I mean. Got clean, beat pied. Had the craziest/ fun period of my life. But just recently got back to old habits. Starting again today.

 

Day 1/5 - Farmer


I MO'd two nights ago after trying desperately to find P on my various devices. It was a reset. Then yesterday, a little over 24 hours ago, I found P and had a full 10 minute PMO session. Not my proudest moment, and I used the excuse that I started with a recovery coach and week 1 is "Goodbye Porn" with the rules that if you look at porn, no worries, if you don't great, just don't binge. Anyway, I have been trying to abstain for a year now, and I should not have used the excuse of the new program to PMO, but I did. No regrets though. At least in terms of where shame is involved. I made the decision to PMO (taking the lock off my smart tv, which I did because this new coach discussed how his program worked and I thought, "how do I know if I am recovering if I have no choice in whether I PMO or not?"). As it is, we shall see how my decision plays out in the coming weeks, but I made it 24 hours, so that is great. With that said, I woke up with strong urges, so I stepped into the shower, turned on the cold water and showered for 10 minutes without heat. Was it pleasant? No, but it did kill the urges. Unfortunately, due to constraints on water, I allow myself no more than one shower a day, so when I got home half an hour ago from a long walk, I had strong urges, but I had to find some other way to combat them. Luckily I did, and in half an hour, I will write for two hours before dinner, then I have a meeting at 7PM for NoFap, and then I will go to bed at 8/8:30PM and while my goal has been to get up at 4am, I have been waking up earlier, telling myself "I will get up with my alarm" and then I do not. So as long as I wake up between 2am and 4am before my alarm, I will get up for the day and start writing/doing math homework. I should then have my "mid-morning" crash at 6am, and if I lay down for an hour, so be it, but the goal is to maintain consciousness for the day. So tomorrow, I will set out my clothes, get up when I wake up, and start my day. As it is, I have accomplished my morning and early afternoon goals already, so now I just have my late afternoon and evening goals to accomplish.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 30.
Best decision I ever made was choosing to say no to pmo.
Once you've got a little time under your belt you realize how stupid an excuse it is.
And I'm thinking now about staying pure. Casual hookups are a waste of time. I only desire to stay clean until marriage. Then obviously clean but just one man one woman is what we should all be striving for.
God meant for us to have one life partner. Not many many flings, the past is in the past. Grateful for that.

 

day 32

 

Day 0/5 - Farmer

I messed up yesterday, going about 50 hours clean and then relapsing. In fact, I had been having urges all afternoon yesterday, so I went into my bedroom and watched a documentary about the end of the Bronze Age, and then when I was done, I laid there for another 30 minutes. I came back into the living room (I am now in my own apartment by myself which has pluses and minuses). Anyway, not sure what happened next as yesterday was a bit of a fog, but I then searched for porn, orgasming before I found any. Then last night, I started to search again as it was thunder storming outside and that makes me nervous, so I used porn to relax (it was not a good reason at all, though there are seldom, if any, good reasons to PMO). Anyway, my mom called just then, and I talked to her for about 10 minutes, and then I hung up and PMO'd, though it felt disgusting. I just thought "well I already PMO'd once today, what is one more time?" So this morning I reset my counter to midnight last night, as it makes it feel more fresh having the counter turn over while I am asleep than when I am awake. I got up at 10AM today, and I took a freezing cold shower. I just turn on the cold water, and start the shower, and it is miserable, but I feel refreshed afterward. It is now just before noon and my family is coming over and I am a bit anxious and irritated, but that may be because I have had nothing to eat today.

Thursday was spectacular. I got everything I wanted to get done, done, and I was clean for over 24 hours at that point. But then Friday started off poorly and just got worse, and now it is Saturday and I am just tired and angry.

Best,
Mathman1994