THE INTERSTELLAR CHALLENGE !

day 15
astronaut

 

I still have not escaped day 0. I did some stream of conscience journaling around my fantasies and recovery, and I realized I am really messed up. A lot of trauma from childhood, and parts of how I see myself. However, digging up this crap led to a PMO binge, and I feel like I have finally hit rock bottom. I don't know how much further I can fall if I am not rock bottom, but hopefully I am rock bottom, because if I am, then there is only room to go up. I am now 15 hours clean, and I may take some time off from the forums until I can reach 4 days and then 7 days. After that, I think I will post everyday once I reach those streaks.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

It cold here up in space.
But oh the freedom feels good!
Day 15 covered athe days required to be signed of as a fully trained astronaut.
Let's keep flying clear of this brothers.

 

Day 1.
yesterday was really really tough, i kept thinking about pmo and i feel like i would die without it. instead of acting on that impulse, i prayed to God and the urge just went away. im really grateful and now im gonna watch nba XD go bucks!

 

Hello @hoping_cannon

I wish to begin even though im already reaching endurance

Thanks m8

 

day 16

 

Day 16.

 

day 17

 

Day 2.5 no P
Hour 18.5 no MO

I made the stupid decision to fish on Facebook. Saw some attractive women in bikinis, though that did not last too long. I for the briefest of moments decided to search for P, as the P-subs were not doing enough, and then I though about my accountability partner and this deal I made with him to try to win at this challenge on ManDon'tFap, and so I stopped myself and went no further. Then, without taking my devices with me, I went into the restroom and MO'd. It did not feel as good as I would have liked, especially since I was 5 hours short of Day 2, but I feel good enough that I MO'd instead of MOing with P. That is far worse (though MO is not good for me anyway, so I am trying to avoid that too). I am now considering fishing/peeking or edging without O to be a reset (along with MO of course), so even if I had not MO'd, I would have had to reset. I may have shorter streaks in the mean time with stricter standards, but if I can stop myself from PMO/MO, it will be a drastic improvement. I know when I went 28 days hard mode, that I did not fish, peek, or edge at all. And that was just a month ago since that streak ended, so now I am determined to get back there and beyond because I know I can do it, it will just take a little willpower and a lot of rejuvenating exercise and meditation to get clean. I have not been meeting my goals like I promised myself I would. And on the said ManDon'tFap app, I have a list of all of my goals laid out to engage in a healthy lifestyle. I said I have to complete at least 60% to not reset, but when I have a bad (non-PMO/MO) day, I do not want to have to reset just because I was down. So my goal is to check off 4-5 things on my list a day, and to reward myself when I do all of them.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

day 18

 

niceee

Day 4.
finally started doing my hw, im having a one week holiday and the past 5 days were spent on gaming mostly ;-;

 

Haven't posted much, but I finally beat the binge after 1 about a week, I am now 1.5 days clean and ready to fight again. I have been running and hiding for days, but now I am out. I intentionally skipped my sleeping pill last night so that I could face my thoughts in my insomnia. I put my phone away and my laptop was in the kitchen, so I was not tempted to PMO, and I just faced the things I was running from. I also played Nintendo Switch and 3DS last night to pass the time, and then I faced the darkness. While not sleeping can be very bad for recovery, it is also the time that my darkest fears present themselves, and I needed to face them, instead of running. Needless to say, I got up with about 4-5 hours of restless sleep feeling clearer than I have in days. I was able to have a candid conversation with my mom about some things I threw at her about my identity a couple weeks ago, and we got to talk. (I recently came out as gender fluid, and my mom was confused because I would tell her everything, but this is one thing I never disclosed despite dealing with it for years. I guess it had a lot to do with the fact that I was still sorting through my life and did not know if what I was feeling was my schizo-affective delusions or if it was my gender identity. She could understand that though, and in the end, we went for a walk with my dad.)

I am drinking Starbucks to keep my mind going, but I feel like today will be a productive day.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

day 19

 

day 20- reaching endurance

 

Day 20.
Reaching endurance.