The Lord of the Rings Challenge

This sounds like fun.

I'M IN!

Even though it's not, I'll call today Day 0.

 

I had a slip earlier today and ended up looking at some prawn.
This wasn't an innocent/automatic slip; I intentionally bypassed my filter and found the prawn.
I looked at some crap for a few minutes then told myself to get a grip and finally tore my eyes away.
That's all i did.
I'd like to say that I didn't get some form of satisfaction even though I didn't M&O, but a part of me experienced some relief from viewing the prawn.
So, technically, I took a hit of the nasty stuff and I'm back to day 0 again. Time to reset my counter.

This is therefore Day "0" for me (Nazgul), tomorrow will be Day 1 once again.

 

Day 90, trod on!

 

Checking in day 83. All good, had a very busy day with sauna followed by a cold shower.

 

Day 5.

The way just started, feeling okay. Anxiety still there, wish it dissapear sometimes.

 

Made it to day 5. Had some urges early in the day but they passed quite quickly. day 6 is usually my hardest day, but I plan to overcome that! Onto day 6

 

I'm in, currently a Nazgûl

Never worth it never ever, don't need it, ever, lies upon lies and excuse.

 

another week has passed. Bought a new book so this weekend should be cool. Trying to limit my internet usage to focus on my goals

 

Day 35

I’ve made it as far as the Hithaeglir - today was a lot easier than the day before, and now I have a weekend at home with my family, PMO stands no chance!

 

Day 14 today, tomorrow the journey begins as a hobbit.

 

Checking in.

Today i had a great study session, this makes me very happy. I was able to perform well in my exercises and maintained myself focused on a single task for a great extension of time. I thank God for the power he gives to me everyday, this power that he grants me makes me able to fight my addiction face to face. NoFap is changing me, and so is God. I'm thankful for today.

I'm always mindful, i don't let my mind wander aimlessly and i think this is a major point in my recovery! Always be mindful!

Every single day of this year i've studied so far. From Monday to Sunday.

I hope yall are having a great time, i hope yall are having a difficult fight, because everything worth striving for does not come easy. And being a free man is worth it!

 

Damn it.. day 0 again.

 

Day 18

 

Day 355

 

11 days

 

@JEBF @Slider8 @Kairose @til_im_free thank you for the congradulations

day 53 complete.

I am having some more fantasies lately and desire for sex is at it’s highest. My wife is always unhappy about something and all she does about that is whine, be sad, shut out from me and then pretend nothing is wrong again. If I am just a little more passive then the relationship starts to suck, I think my wife needs to grow up a little. I may try telling her this, but I don’t think she will accept that. Other than that I am good.

 

Day 5 complete!

I'm reading a book recommended by a priest and written by a psychiatrist called Healing and Feeling Your Emotions. I'm only about a third of the way in, but one of the main points so far is that all emotions we feel are, in and of themselves, good. They are one of the tools just like our physical senses given to us by God to respond to our surroundings. This even applies to things like hate and anger, which alert us to distasteful things or perceived injustices. How we choose to act on those emotions is where questions of good and evil enter the picture.

The book goes on to say that there's nothing wrong with feeling our emotions. However, it is the responsibility of the will to guide those emotions, leading us either to act on them in a positive way or exercise restraint, as we judge the morality of what our will is considering doing. I can see this applying very powerfully to myself in terms of NoFap. It's similar to previous ideas I've encountered regarding mindfulness, reframing, and the like, but seeing it phrased in this way has really brought it home to me. Urges are not to be feared, shamed, or despised. Desire is a natural emotional reaction indicating a potential good for us: a beautiful person, the chance for intimacy, etc. Once this scenario has been duly noted, I can engage my will to inform my emotions that they have the right idea, but this isn't the time or place; acting on those morally neutral emotions in the way I envision would constitute a moral evil, so I won't do that.

Emotions, in this context most likely meaning desire, is a horse and our wills are the reins. If you treat your horse with respect and show it that you care about it, it won't put up too much fuss about takings its cues from the reins.

St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us!

 

Day 2.
Emotions is what I was taught to ignore by my parents. However, thanks to nofap, I realized how wrong I was. You can supress, hide and ignore but sooner or later they find a way out and will lead into having a bad-temper, lashing out on the people you love, or depression and other mental / physical disorders even illnesses.

Reading helps but some authors are fixated on the single perspective. I used to read a book about toxic parents - I touched only this subject. Another book was on self-talk. Third book was "The Power of Now" - it helped me to understand that part of the mind works against me and that thinking excessively is neither productive nor healthy. The author said that we should focus on the present moment by noticing our body reactions and the world around us. But he didn'd deeply touch the subject of the root of the problems. He just said it was a bad habit of thinking too much. (so the book missed the most crucial part). Finally I got my hand on two books on the Inner Child and after reading them I managed to understand the causes of the feelings, thinking too much and PMO.

It's important to read a lot and compare the authors. Some of them may be partially wrong or completely wrong. Others may give you just some of the answers. Trying out the solutions and testing them on yourself is the key, I believe. After all, all humans seem the same but each of them is different. That's why there's no one-size-fits-all solution.

 

Having doubts while watching porn is the first step to recovery. Being frank with yourself and the rest of the world by reseting the counter is an act of self-confidence.

 

Day 13

Teens! I need to just go to bed… Stayed up later than normal.