Day 22 Prayer, cold shower (counted to 65), workout last night. Still need to meditate today. Trying to be vigilant right now, as my libido is back and in force. I'm experiencing cravings for sex, not PMO, but still, I must be extra cautious right now.
Day 3. I took the covid vaccine hehe my arm hurts a little but everything fine. No urges but some stress in some moment of the day about my work but I calmed myself and did what was on my power
Day 5! Just about complete. I'm meeting a girl tomorrow. I'm hoping it goes well. Though I'm not expecting anything sexual to happen I have noticed an increase in arousal. At least I think so. It's hard to distinguish between my regular urges and those from being excited to see this girl. There were a couple of times I had to squash some lies and strong urges today but it was okay. Also noticed that my energy was down. Managed to rally in the evening but the early afternoon was a bit of a wash. To Tomorrow!
Day 2 My girlfriend left the house just this minute and I’m struggling already. The sound of the door being closed is an instant trigger for me. So now I’m sitting here, craving porn and it’s just weird. I’ve started having craving specifically to the NSFW part of 9gag, I used to be really addicted to that thing in particular. And I feel like I understand way. It’s not even a porn search engine, it’s just random content that you can scroll on forever and never be satisfied. So now I’m sitting here. Not masturbating. And it’s already hard. And the book by terry cruse is great (at least the first 50 pages) for anybody who is looking for some good reading. It is part self help specifically about porn and part his own story. I envy your convection brother. Well done.
63 days – With boats given by the Elfs you sail on the river Anduin. The journey continues south to Amon Hên.
Day 192 no PMO. Woke up late this morning. Had to switch my normal routine a bit but I’ll be ok. You guys make it a great day!
When I read your post I come to think that even doing recovery work and surfing on nofap-dotcom could be the wrong thing for us to do, when we're already on the verge of relapsing. Although it can be a way to deal with urges, realize what's going on and create a strong conviction, it also is a thing where we're sit privately on our devices, connected to the online world where we're only a click away from temptation and acting out (unless one has installed blockers). Also reading and talking about porn can trigger us to switch from good intentions and factual, sober thinking about the matter to craving and fantasizing in a blink of an eye ... I believe we must learn to say no (consistently) first. Otherwise we're pretty much screwed. My conviction alone isn't enough. So your girlfriend goes away and you stay alone at home. You need to connect to your responsibility for yourself, for her, for you both. Comeon man, be the man! If you manage to connect to the higher goals, plans and feelings or to something spiritual or devine then you are on the winning side. But we both know, the addiction is strong and while we feel like we're high in the sky we might still suddenly find a door to "hell" and open it. Sometimes doing chores and getting busy works better than confronting, thinking, moralizing. Also we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. When we don't get ourselves to do the hard stuff maybe there's easier stuff, that we can do. The main thing is that we act upon our own well-thought-out decisions and act automatically and according to our momentary feelings, thoughts and habits.
Day 6 Still no overwhelming urges but the stresses and triggers are building. I had a dangerous thought as I was waking up but quickly dismissed it. When those thoughts become more frequent and then obsessive, I’m in dangerous territory.
