The Most Important New Years Resolution I've Ever Made

My 23rd Day

Got rejected from another school yesterday which really sucked, but I've refocused my efforts to do the best I can for my interview coming up. I've been thinking a lot about my past sexual relationships, fantasizing a bit, but excusing it by saying it's not porn, since I'm recalling something that actually happened. I usually do it before I go to sleep, but as of now I'm making a commitment to stop doing that.

As soon as my interview is over, my job with start again and I am giving myself that week to develop all the routines and habits that I have not started yet. The big one is my "morning routine" which I want to include meditation, writing 3 things I am thankful for, and ankle exercises. The other big one is my workout routine. I've been exercising daily, but I'm sort of doing whatever I want, but I want to make a final schedule and stick to it. Lastly, I have not been doing anything daily regarding NoFap (except logging on) and I need to have a routine before the 40 day mark hits. I've been preaching to everyone the power of routine, yet I have procrastinated developing a routine for myself. Scratch that, I've already determined it (in my 6-part) post, but I haven't put it into practice yet. On the flip side, there are several things I am already doing routinely that I am happy with. I am logging onto NoFap.com routinely. I am exercising routinely. I am not PMOing ;-) and I'm reading at least half an hour a day (I love myself for this as I realize I love to read).

So, this upcoming week is a week to be excited for. I get to start working again (I enjoy what I do), I have my interview, and I get to put in motion the routine I crave.

 

I really appreciate your encouragement. I know I have friends and family rooting for me, but it means so much when someone from this community is rooting for you as well. Thank you.

 

My 25th Day

25 has a nice ring to it. Quarter of a century already. Well I had my interview this morning and it went fairly well. Lots of positives, very few negatives, and I could see myself going there. Time will tell. I'm finally back home. Can't wait to workout tomorrow to make up for this weekend with so much travelling. Tomorrow is going to be so productive, I can't wait to wake up.

On a separate note, I intend to install CovenantEyes for my phone this week since that has been the source of my last two relapses. The gentle reminder, or gentle obstacle, will help in times my guard is low. It is important to remember that porn blockers are just reminders and absolute obstacles. Any porn blocker can, in some way, be overcome!

 

My 27th Day

Had a great night last. Lots of friends, a great social experience, and quality time with friends. Today has been really productive.

I worked on my workout schedule - decided to only write it one week at a time so I can keep adjusting it to fit my schedule and fit my training needs.

I had a great swimming session (as usual - I've had 3 or 4 great swim workouts in a row, which leads me to believe I'm over the hump). It was just a few months ago I could barely swim from one side of the pool to the other. Now I'm at 11 laps and will continue to add a lap everyday until I hit ~50.

Did my laundry. Worked on my finances. I decided on a morning routine (10 minutes of meditation, 10 minutes of ankle exercises, read from recovery nation, read my 6 part post, and write 3 things I'm thankful for). I also have a small rock in my pocket - every time I touch it, I will remind myself what those 3 things for the day are. I made an important purchase online (that I had been procrastinating with because of the research necessary to make the purchase). I organized my music on my computer. I'm going to go running soon and do some reading, but that'll be a great finish to a great day.

Wasn't expecting this to be a long post. It's surprisingly rewarding to discuss my accomplishments after I've done them. It helps not taking this productive day for granted and allows me to absorb the good feeling of being productive. The most fulfilling happiness comes from stuff we work hard for (opposed to the happiness porn provides for doing absolutely no hard work). For anyone watching, this is a great video describing that more.

I also like that yet again, I didn't even mention porn until the very end. Like an afterthought. Like a fucking afterthought! That's what it is right now. But that must not be confused with lowering my guard. I have been subtly cheating today. I stalked my attractive friends on facebook a bit today. Facebook does me no good. Hmm. From this point forward, I'm going to remove "Zombie Facebooking" from my life. What is that? It involves boredom and endless scrolling. I'll check facebook for notifications and that's it. Beautiful. It's decided.

Until next time... And as always, Life is awesome. I'm pumped ;-D

 

My 28th Day

Feeling pretty shitty today. I swam, cleaned up, made some important purchases, but my motivation's been really low all day. On the bright side, I at least have formed good enough habits to be productive (in some areas) even with low motivation. I guess that's a plus.

Separately, I got another rejection which didn't sting too much but still is annoying. Bleh.. whatever

 

Thanks guys!

I had a really intense dream. I was really horny, contemplating PMOing. And I just said FUCK IT and decided to break my streak. I decided to watch porn. And then as I admitted that to myself, I said, well if I'm going to ruin my streak, let my just MO and avoid the porn (since MO is way less damaging that porn). But then I said, "Well if I'm not going to get to watch porn, then I don't want to fucking MO."

So in the end I did nothing. Then I posted (in the dream, mind you) on NoFap what just happened. Even though I did nothing, I felt shitty since I had made a choice to do the wrong thing (even though I changed my mind).

And then, in the same dream, I woke up (but I was actually still dreaming). And then I realized everything that had just happened was only a dream even though that realization was within the same dream. Bizarre...

When I actually woke up, I thought I this had happened. I thought I had decided to ruin my streak, before realizing that (wait for it...) it was all a dream.

That's the last time I'm sleeping naked...

 

I kid you not, I knew you, Gaston, were going to say that lol

 

My 32nd Day

How about that. Day 32? More days than one month can hold. Sexy.

Had a pretty good weekend - good socializing, saw an old friend and had two great nights out. Had a few good swim sessions, and running sessions. I've started keeping up with my morning routine (ankle exercises, meditation, journal writing, and thankful list) which makes me really happy.

Today was my first day back to work (had a huge 2 month break lol), which was exciting. Also was exciting because it was the first day I got to work with the girl I've been crushing on. Wasn't nervous. Lots of conversation, very friendly, some positive vibes. I invited her out to do something with me and a few friends, so that's something to really look forward to.

I also put together that 6 part post that I had been meaning to for a while. I'm really happy about that.

 

My 33rd Day

Bleh, I'm getting a bit sick. I feel I might be exercising too much, so I'm going to tone it down a bit the next few days. This funk, in the past, would lead me to a relapse. But it's so not worth it. I can just visualize myself PMOing and I can visualize how little that would contribute to my life. More importantly, it would simply displace my current state of being and emotion, which is not productive.

Don't have much to say... gonna watch a movie now

 

My 34th Day

Bleh more shittiness. With work starting, and having a cold, I'm not doing so hot. I had another dream where I was watching a famous (hot) celebrity and trying to see her nude. At the last second, I saw a nipple, and I felt this overjoy and excitement... Oy... What's odd, is that it felt very satisfying and complete. Usually when PMOing, there's a never-ending feeling of wanting more. But it's just a dream...

Also, realized I may have fucked up a little with my medical school process. I should have been staying in touch with my advisor, but I hadn't (I think this was laziness and lack of having my shit together). I sent her an e-mail and she said in an ominous tone, "We need to talk." I feel kind of stupid for not having stayed in touch with her because now I don't feel like I have done everything in this process that I could have. I wasn't proactive. There's a twinge of regret, which is not something I feel often at all. But I'm meeting her Friday, so we'll see how it goes...

Still feel really shitty, but don't worry: PMO is not an option. If all fails, at least I still am not watching porn.

 

lol thanks guys. I feel much better now than this morning. Not so sick, I feel much more positive about the medical school process after talking to a friend going through a similar thing.