THREE REASONS TO QUIT FEMDOM

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by elvagoazul, Jun 4, 2020.

  1. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys.

    I'm a 23 years old man. English is not my first language, sorry if I did mistakes. I was a porn addict for 6 years. Almost all the porn I've watched was femdom. It damaged many aspects of my life. But last year "I saw the light" in Nofap. Now, I want a normal respectful relationship with a woman rather than that awful fetish. One step to get rid of my addiction was aknowledging that femdom is wrong. And understanding how much femdom harms a man helps me a lot in that step. I learned a lot in my journey, and I want to share with you how I think right now. I wrote this according to my experience, I'm convinced of what I said. But I'm not a psychologist or some kind of expert. And I can improve my text in the future, by learning more.

    If you are reading this, you must know what femdom is. Some people out there on the internet tend to say "Everyone has sexual fantasies", "It's just a kink", "It's not harmful", "If it makes you happy, then do it"... I disagree, femdom disrupts your whole life. I'm gonna give 3 reasons why all men should quit femdom forever:

    1. It messes up personality
    Femdom is based on humiliation, and making men feel inferior. When you watch or do those things, you send a bad message to your innerself. The results of absorbing the femdom ideas are low self esteem, lack of confidence, fear, pathetic social habilities, depresion, broken masculinity. And some people can take advantage of those features, they will insult and bully you. Femdom conditions you to be abused at school, at worksplace, at daylife.​

    2. It is imposible to find a girlfriend
    Let's be honest almost all girls are not interested in a submisive man. They love tough men full of confidence and maybe a little dominant. Even strong, leader, or bossy women won't like femdom, because they will never accept you forcing a weird disgusting fetish on their lives. I know there are a lot of women who claim to be dominant or "mostress" on the internet, but actually they don't like that stuff they only want your money. The true dominant woman (if she exists) will never love you because she will not respect you. She can replace you whenever she wants, there are thousands of submisive men and only a few women who want this.​

    3. It escalates to extreme
    Like most of porn genera, no matter in what point you start watching or doing femdom, you always need more extreme stuff over time. And you will end searching for disgusting and disturbing acts. I mean It always become worst. Another side effect is ED (erectile dysfunction) or PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction). You won't be able to "get hard" with a hot girl because you will only get aroused for fetish related stuff. That ED is mostly mental because there is no physical problem, but your brain is not working well.​

    I believe sex is one the most delightful things men can do in their lives but in a normal way. I mean what can be better than kissing, necking, touching, smelling, and of course, the intercourse ... We don't need to be wierd to enjoy sex.

    I want to know what you think about this matter and also if you have questions, or maybe you disagree with me. Please let me know...
     
  2. These are some good points. I'm also into femdom. After watching some of the humiliation stuff I started to believe it about myself. That I'm worthless, ugly no good. But I'm none of those things.

    Maybe you came from the same place as me but I think my love of femdom came from my love of women. And I like strong and powerful women who are in charge. To be honest I don't think that's wrong and I think women would respect that. What they won't respect is a submissive servant boy. And that is what femdom teaches.

    I recognize that when I watch a lot of femdom I start acting different around women. Like I want them to feel like the boss and I'm always doing stuff for them. It never gets sexy (which is a good thing) but honestly it's better for myself not to act this way. Maybe you've noticed the same thing about yourself.
     
  3. Ὀρφεύς

    Ὀρφεύς Fapstronaut

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    Your points, of course, are good, I just wanted to say that I am so incredibly proud of you buddy! The first time when I read your post you had 37 days streak, and right now you are really close to achieving a milestone. But of course, you will go even further and I wish you to stay strong, aware and mindful! Keep going pal!
     
  4. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

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    I hope you never go back to those humiliation videos. They damaged our lives but not anymore. Looking for activities which we are good at, is a great way to appreciate ourselves again. That is important for recovery, valuing what we are, and what we can do.

    Maybe the love for women can degenerate in something awful like femdom. I never thougt in that way, it makes some sense. I had developed my fetishes, long before I started to watch porn. I'm still asking where they came from. But I was always attracted to women's body in multiple ways, and femdom was like the dark side of that attraction. Porn fed the femdom fetish over the years and it grew inside me. If I hadn't watched porn, I would have focused in normal sex instead. I think, being attracted to women (without femdom) is our natural state and going back to it is one of the major goals of my journey.

    If you like women who are in charge then go for them, being a strong man yourself. Probably they like rebels.... I wouldn't say they are exactly the women I like. But it is pretty similar to yours. I like women who are competitive communicative and intelligent but also cute and compasive.

    And I also found myself sometimes doing tasks for some women I met. They took a lot of advantage of that situation. I was pretending to be something that I'm not. And They didn't even want to be my friends, every time they approached was for asking for favors. Yes, you are right, I think my attitude was caused by femdom. Last week I make the decision to stay away from a girl who was trying to do that.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2020
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  5. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot. Comments like yours motivate me to continue... Keep going you too!
     
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  6. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    If you have femdom fetish then you have sexual masochism disorder. Please PM me.
     
  7. I don't want to go back to those ever. Sometimes I get an urge but I fight it off knowing there is something better.

    I also had a mild femdom fetish before watching porn. Also a cross-dressing fetish. I loved women so much I wanted to dress like one. But I think you are right. Porn amplifies these fetishes to an absurd degree to the point that normal sex isn't a turn on. I've even masturbated to videos about how I won't have sex. The irony.

    That's my plan.

    That is good you caught yourself and stayed away. I think most women who see how subservient we are (and there are a lot of subservient men, not just femdom addicts) they will usually do 1 of 2 things. Think it is weird and not engage. Or use you and see you as their servant (subconsciously). My point is it is best for us to cut this mindset out of our heads.

    I see you are close to 90 days. Congrats!

    Explain
     
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  8. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    The op says this is something that he is not happy with so might be able to get a diagnosis.
     
  9. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    “We don’t need to be weird to enjoy sex”

    agree!
     
  10. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

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    That's great. You are already rebooting in a proper way. Porn was such a big problem in our lives. But soon we will forget it, for good. When I think about the things I used to watch, I notice some of them are just disgusting. Probably the same thing is happening to you. Apart from amplifying our fetishes, porn also makes us to think they are normal and the only option we have. We must meet real women, instead of pixels on a screen. Real life is the only way to learn, reinforce what is good for our sex life and forget the fetishes.

    You are right, that subserviant state is a mindset. Staying away from manipulative women, is not enough. We have to change our minds.

    90 days... In my firsts attempts two weeks seemed imposible, but today at 23:59, I will achieve 90 days. You also have an amazing streak. One month is a challenging level, and you have achieved it. Well done!
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2020
  11. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean with PM?
    sexual masochism disorder. is it a disease?
     
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  12. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Ha no it's not a disease. It is classed as a disorder if you get a diagnosis. PM means "private message".
     
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  13. Yea, I do get disguised by some of the stuff I used to watch. And embarrassed. That's why it's important to stop this habit. It is bad enough for most porn addicts dealing with addiction. But as femdom addicts, we have the added bonus of having messed up sexual desires (same applies to other weird fetishes).

    Couldn't agree more. I've been working on asserting myself more. I used to be a yes man. Saying yes to everything and everyone. Especially attractive females. I've been working on saying no more.

    Thank you. And that's amazing! Hope you celebrate well tomorrow :D
     
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  14. Prince6543

    Prince6543 Fapstronaut

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    Not sure about if it's really ED that's not turning me on to anything other than fetish stuff. If that's the case, NoFap should fix it but it isn't fixing it so far. Im 20 days in Monk Mode. which means no pmo, almost no fantasizing, minimal erections and not even morning boner so far
     
  15. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

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    Congrats for the 20 days. You are probably in a flat-line by now, but it'll improve. Be patient, it takes time. In my logest streak wich was of about 90 days, I was able to have normal erections, but I only got the morning one once. And I had sometimes the flat-line during that period, it is normal when you are recovering.
     

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