Uhh.."Do one thing every day that scares you." challenge? :-)

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by I_can_and_I_will, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Do one thing everyday that scares you. -Eleanor Roosevelt

    Hey guys, so I came across this pic and it struck a chord. I tend to overthink and panic and do loads of stupid stuff when I'm afraid of something. Sometimes it's as simple as lifting my head and greeting someone!!!! So I decided to create a 30 day challenge which forces one to do something everyday to overcome fears. This includes anything (which doesn't have a negative impact of course!), maybe parasailing for some, or being honest for some, or something that seems to be natural for the majority of humanity (from which I was excluded :|), like greeting people! So I thought I'd feel more motivated if I posted here, feel free to join in guys, in fact that would encourage a coward like me!
    So 30 days, 30 challenges! This feels like a game show ^^"

    [​IMG]

    Today's task:
    Truth be told, there's this friend of mine that I let down. Friend I say, but more like a mom. I've been avoiding her for the past two months due to fear. She's isn't even the scary kind, very very gentle, but that made me feel more guilty. I've been trying to meet her but freak out at the last moment. Today, I've decided to meet her in a while, in half an hour to be exact, but I feel nauseous and sick and I actually wanna back down from this badlyyyyyy. But I need to do this, it's eating me away. That might even be the impetus for this thread, I needed a reason. Wish me luck!!! :emoji_tired_face:

    Result:
    She's gone on a vacation and my calls aren't connecting. Just my luck. But I'm glad I had the courage to not back down, I was freaking out the entire time I was journeying to her house. Gotta keep trying till I manage to apologize.

    Edit:
    I will be continuing this challenge from my journal because it's more convenient that way but if anyone is interested in taking this challenge, you're always welcome to post about it here : ) Keep fighting the good fight guys!
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2018
  2. Really interesting idea :), I'm gonna do the challenge too!! Not sure which thing I'll do today, but I'll come up with something :)
     
  3. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro! I tend to lose out on many things due to fear, so I wanna use this to learn to control my fears. Let me know which of your fears you wanna conquer today, good luck buddy!
     
  4. Cool bro! Today I'm gonna make a call to someone I haven't spoken for a long time.. have been procastrinating that.
    Thanks dude, and 30 fear conquers is a whole lot, its a high raised standard but lets give it the best we got!! Peace & greetz
     
  5. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Wow, best of luck my friend!
    It may seem like a lot but like @StopTheMusic says, one day at a time ^^

    I feel overwhelmed when I see the entire future too but all we've gotta do is conquer one fear a day so let's do this bro! Have an awesome day!
     
  6. @VeganRights , @vxlccm , @I_can_and_I_will ,

    Thanks for a great thread.

    One day at a time does not mean I'm not concerned about tomorrow; nor doe it mean that I expect my higher power to do everything for me while just live this one day.

    In fact it's the exactly opposite. One day at a time, admitting I'm powerless over pmo makes it even more important that I plan for the future. Please, very important, note I said plan for the future not live in it. I can "future trip" all I want to and the future is not going to just happen, it will be in part the product of what I make it today.

    Now, I'm fully aware that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Nobody knows better than I how the future can have heartbreak in it.

    But, I look at it like this. Today I'm living one day at a time. I buy and pay for health insurance because the future might include a medical issue.

    Today I'm living one day at a time, but I put money aside both in my 401k plan and in a rainy day fund, because roofs leak, air conditioners and heaters break.

    Although I'm living one day at a time, when the electric bill shows up, I pay it today not the day it's due because I find life with electricity far more convenient. (the same with the water bill).

    To make a long long post even longer:

    About 2006 (if not '06 then pretty close to that date) I went to an AA meeting. Now, sometimes AA meetings are seriously gritty, about how people are getting their teeth fixed after years of neglect or how someone left their husband or wife because the spouse didn't like them getting sober.

    Sometime, however, AA meetings are much more ethereal. About whether a comma or a hyphen is used in a sentence (seriously - I wish I were kidding).

    I was having a hell of a time both figuring out how I was going to "turn my will and my life over the care of God as I understood Him" and, yet, at the same keep a job, find a new job, pay my mortgage, etc.

    I went to a meeting that was full of people with years of sobriety (I had 5 or 6 years at the time - so, I was a newbie compared to them). The meeting turn very much into a discussion about the subtle points of AA.

    A friend of mine shared (and I paraphrase and will not reveal cities or people's names) about the reason there are exactly 12 steps in the AA program. She said, 12 is a number that repeats itself in important ways throughout history - 12 in a dozen, 12 members on a jury, 12 disciples of Jesus, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 hours in the morning and evening, 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the Zodiac, 12 inches in a foot, 12 days of Christmas (it's not just a song), etc.

    Remember, I was having trouble finding my higher power or my understanding of God.

    Previous to my friends share about the number 12, a former monk was passing through out town (again only paraphrasing and no names or cities). He shared something very important to me - maybe you think I should have known this in my upper middle thirties (a nice way to say 42 years old), but I'd never heard this before.

    The form monk said that he never prayed to change God. That God was perfect, so it was hubris to ask God to change. Instead this guy in town for only one meeting, shared that he only prayed to change himself to conform to God's will. I had never thought of prayer that way. I thought people prayed to get that job they'd interviewed for or for a loved one to get well and pull through a touch illness - I thought that was all people prayed for. But, here was an entirely different way to look at prayer.

    So, still searching for my higher power, I picked up the AA main book, which is titled "Alcoholics Anonymous" and opened it to page 12. Paraphrasing again (because I'm too lazy to go get my book) it said, why don't you try using your own concept of God.

    Really? There's a message on page 12 of "Alcoholics Anonymous"? (for the record, I'd heard that a billion times for people - I just thought there was only a church's definition of God).

    So, if I were to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him, what would my own concept of God look like?

    It could not be a magic man in the sky that controls the wag of every puppies tail, the color of every flower, the weather and answers prayers to get people new houses. It had to involve personal responsibility.

    I got out a piece of paper and wrote down, on the top a header, If God Never Changes What Does He Want for Me? I wrote down three things:

    1. He wants me to have enough
    2. He wants me to be healthy
    3. He wants me be happy

    There is a great deal of personal responsibility in that concept of a Higher Power (or God if you wish). Nevertheless, I pray only for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out. After all God is perfect, I'm not praying to change Him.

    If I spend too much money, don't work to find a job if I don't have one, then I'm not doing God's will for me. I pray to ask God to give me the fortitude to get my resume together, find job openings, apply for them, get my suit, tie an shirt cleaned and show up for the interview.

    When I do things I know are bad for my health, I'm being willful and not doing God's will. I pay every month for health insurance, go see me doctor's at the scheduled followup appointments. Try to eat right, get some exercise. Do what my doctor advises as best as I can.

    Being happy involves the first two items on the list; but more. For example, I have to reach out to family and friends. I have to stay in touch with fun things to do. I can't just sit by the phone and wait for someone to call me for a day in the park. I can call them or even take a lunch and go to the park my myself.

    I meditate as well. I pray to ask for God's will for me and power to carry it out. I meditate for the answer.

    One last note. My list does not say, He wants me to have the biggest house or the best car, He wants me to never ever to get sick nor that He wants me to be to be SFHICSI (so, ******* Happy I Can't Stan It).

    Just that I have enough - living on the inside, food for dinner and transportation, am healthy - keeping up with my blood work and doctor's appointment, eating an apple instead of a candy bar, am happy - have friends and family that I keep in touch with and entertainment I can afford.

    One day at a time for me - for sure. Hopefully some of the rambling made sense.
     
  7. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Day 1
    Today's task:
    There's a friend of mine who's borrowed some of my stuff and hasn't bothered to return them. This person isn't the most responsible out there but I've gotta do this despite me always avoiding social interactions.

    Result: Success :D I felt so nervous but it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it. Proof that half the stuff we imagine is not real!!
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2017
  8. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Wow that was so deep, thank you for sharing it buddy. There were so many things in your post, it was amazing to read through it. I found the idea of having an own concept of God very unique. I'm gonna reread your post again, I feel like I've stumbled upon a great revelation that will help me get closer to understanding the purpose of life. And that number 12? Wow, I've never noticed that, interesting!
     
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  9. Congratulations. I know the feeling. I don't even like to open mail. Seriously, I have no idea why I fear opening mail. I'm not afraid of anything in the envelope except a piece of paper with information on it.

    To me mail seems like a confrontation. I can't explain it. But, if I'm watching a TV show where they start to argue, I fast forward through the conflict.

    But, like you, I've come to believe that this program and others I'm in are programs of action. It's about living my life in the real world with real people.

    I still hate mail and am glad I can put my bills on autopay and select to get my bill online.

    I've learned to open mail. Mostly because I've learned it's never as bad as I imagine. Exactly what you said.

    I wish I knew the purpose of life. But I do try to live my life in such a way as to make the world a tiny itty bitty bit better. I'm pretty sure I can't cause world peace or cure cancer. But, I can open a door for someone else at a restaurant, I can ask doctors how they are doing (most seemingly are a bit surprised - as they don't get asked very often), and I can try to "do onto others".

    L
     
  10. El fapio

    El fapio Fapstronaut

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    Ok, a little stupid thing for tomorrow. I'll post a song I've been working on in a group on Facebook, so everyone can freely criticize or compliment me.
     
  11. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Hey buddy, thank you for all the guidance and support you've been giving me ever since I started this journey. Really appreciate your help :)

    I've got a similar problem with handling unknown calls. I imagine so much about the person on the other end. Sometimes I even think, what if that person tells me, "Everyone knows you're a porn addict" !!!! (There's more. People might not believe me even if I say that I'm trying to give up and then I'll be looked down upon for the rest of my life and I end up disappointing my loved ones. Ugh, this is such an elaborate fear I have.) It's better now though, I still feel apprehensive but I do pick up most calls. Thing is, we understand the logical stuff but still when it comes to the real event, all logic flies away. But let's keep at it buddy, we can conquer all fears! I've got to tone down my thinking, I tend to nitpick over everything but that's completely unnecessary. Someday perhaps I can look at an unknown call and you can open a mail without a care in the world :D

    This was beautiful. That doctor part, amazing! I totally need to work on this bro.

    I think perhaps that's the purpose of life. Maybe each of us contributing in a small way to make this world a better place :)

    I'm totally going off the tangent here but this single letter seriously requires a special mention :D There's an anime called "Death Note" with an awesome detective who goes by this alias - L. Since I get half my inspiration from fiction, it felt awesome seeing that signature bud, made my day!
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2017
  12. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Awesome :D I know that's a really brave thing to do because I'm always afraid of criticism so I wish you the best buddy! Lemme know how it goes :)
     
  13. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Day 2

    This is one of the most difficult things for me to do because I'm gripped by an unknown fear that paralyzes me whenever I try to take action. I plan and plan and plan but never execute it properly. I'm talking about "beginning something I NEED to do unless it's the do or die kind(basically, when I'm left to my own devices)". Funnily, I didn't have such trouble before but since last year it has taken me over completely.

    Today's task:
    I love reading. A week ago, I decided to learn French to explore the wealth of literature there. But I haven't begun. I tell myself to do this simple thing: just google French grammar and check out the language for a bit, but then I think this isn't the perfect way to begin and I give up after two seconds. Perfectionism. I've been avoiding beginning something (something I'm interested in!!) and procrastinating. I don't know what other factors lead me to behave like this but I can't go on acting dumb. That was a long rant but today, I've decided to dedicate two hours to French. Here I go!

    Result: It was a kind of success, managed to put in an hour and a half of reading even when my mind was screaming over how imperfect it was. To add to that, half my day was ruined due to a social obligation. I wanna be nice to the people in my life but when this is in the way of my goals and I can't let go or hang on or make them understand, what do I do? My mind's in a sort of mess now, I need to think for a while before reaching a decision.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2017
  14. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    I don’t know what scares me. My main fear is losing the supportive people in my life whether it’s mates or family :(

    If I find something else that scares me then I’ll do that though
     
  15. Awesome idea. I'd love to do this, but I don't know what I'll do today.

    Guess I'll find something and do it.
     
  16. I could be mysterious like @2525 and neither confirm nor deny what the L stands for. But, it's just the first letter of my name. I've been asked about the anime reference before. I'll have to look up that character, I'm not really into anime.

    When I first got sober and dinosaurs were still roaming about, I went into therapy for the first time. My therapist was, to say the least, a little unusual in his approach. He wasn't one that sat there at just asked me "and how does that make you feel", "why do you think you did that?". Nope - this man had opinions and shared them freely.

    During one of our early 50 minute hours (explain that to me?), he told me, "you have a need to be perfect and we're going to find out where this is coming from". Seriously "de nile" is not just a river in Egypt. Apparently it was running deep in me, because I didn't even know I had a need to be perfect.

    First, he broke through my denial with multiple examples of where I'd expressed my need for perfectionism. Then, we worked on ways I could improve on it. Like not taking work home that's already been completed just so I could make it even better. Not being so concerned if someone didn't like me. Most people like me, I'm not hard to get along with. Even in business, when I have to tell a customer they aren't going to get something they wanted, they may not like the answer, but they still like me.

    But, once in a while, someone just doesn't like me. Maybe I remind them of their brother in law that they hate, or they just can't stand how wonderfully good looking I am*. It really used to bother me when people didn't like me - I mean I'd stew on it and think about it for days.

    What did I learn for all those $80/hour (told you it was during the age of the dinosaurs today it would be $200 an hour) sessions? Oddly, that it was OK if I didn't like someone else as long as I treated them with respect. See, the reason it bugged the shit out of me (can we say "bugged the shit out of me"?), was that I felt I had to like everyone else, to mold myself, change what I said, be perfect so they would like me and I would like them.

    I don't go out of my way to find people I don't like. But, today if I don't like someone, I treat them with respect, but I don't go out of my way to be rude to them. Additionally, I don't go out of my way to try and make them like me.

    I'm not perfect at it. I still might just avoid topics with certain people if I think it would cause conflict. With other people, I don't even try to avoid the conflict - if I think it's their problem and not mine.

    L
    ---
    * In the interest of honesty, that really isn't the case.
     
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  17. ROFLMAO

    But, I've also noted that 2525 in Roman Numerals is:

    MMDXXV

    And that 2525 in Hexadecimal is:

    0x9DD

    Just saying.

    L
     
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  18. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro, I am a person of irrational fears too so my words might be hypocritical but i think while we don't know what's gonna happen in the future, for now, the people we love are there for us because they believe in us. They love us despite everything and knowing our flaws. So I think the people you care for will be by your side through thick and thin coz you're an awesome person :)

    Sure bud, lemme know about it!
     
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  19. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Thanks buddy! Tell me when you find something, good luck with your journey!
     
  20. I_can_and_I_will

    I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro, you're gonna be questioned by us all until have no option but to spill your secret!!!!

    Haha jk, we respect your choice but that doesn't mean we're not curious :D
     
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