Very confused about my case of pied and how to cure it, please help

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by NeverAgain10, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. NeverAgain10

    NeverAgain10 New Fapstronaut

    Hey guys i’m new to all this and I’m looking for help this post is going to be be a long detailed experience because I’m trying to be as specific as possible to get the help I need due to the nature of my case, I only figured out about pied recently. Here’s my story. I can’t really pin point exactly what age I started watching porn but I think I started somewhere around 7th grade. I watched the casual porn because everyone talked about pmo at school. It was almost as if it was glorified while I was growing up. I was ashamed every time I watched it when I first started because the topic of sex was taboo in my house growing up. I don’t think I was an addict around this time but as I grew up I started to watch porn more but in random spurts, some days/weeks/months I wouldn’t really think about it, and then other days/weeks/months I would watch quite a bit, it was just random. However looking back now I noticed that as time went on I moved to many different categories because the previous category just wasn’t cutting my interest anymore from foot fetish, to extremely rough sex, to bdsm, cartoon, step mom/sister. This is the turning point in my story that sickens me the most when I look back at it. I started watching gay porn, and escalated watching gay porn more until a few months ago. I honestly have nothing against gay people but I never once thought of myself as feminine or gay. I don’t know why or how I initially started watching it, it doesn’t really make sense to me because my whole life I was attracted to girls mentally/physically and I could never see myself in a relationship with another man. My only explanation is the next crazy fantasy in my porn road was gay porn. As I started looking into it more I escalated
    to the point where I started looking into Craigslist posts about man/man hookups. I even went as far as chatting about hookups because it gave the same kick as the porn but never took action on them. To this day I cringe every time I remember just how bad I had gotten. The day I started to figure out about pied was when I tried having sex with my gf, i remember in my teen years just the thought of women made me get rock hard, and I just couldn’t get fully erect. I immediately panicked because I knew something was wrong. The experience didn’t end well at all and I was devastated. I rarely ever go to the doctor but I went to the doctor immediately and they ran some tests and told me I was completely healthy. So I turned to the Internet and I did extensive research, at first I read about performance anxiety and thought that could be it be that but the second time I tried I slowly started to notice thinking about sex wasn’t getting me erect like it used to. Again I was absolutely devastated and just about suicidal at this point. I managed to stumble across the word pied in an article about performance anxiety and when I looked into it, my whole world fell apart. I thought my whole life watching porn would make me more knowledgeable about sex and increase stamina but it did the exact opposite. The day I figured out about pied I vowed to never watch porn again. At this point I am ready to jump off a cliff before watching another porn video in my life. My questions are, can my case be fixed or am I screwed because of the nature of the videos I watched? If it can be fixed will it take longer because of the nature of the videos I watched? Will fantasizing about my girlfriend help me or make me worse off? Should I abstain from kissing, and all regular non intercourse types of affection during my reboot? What are some tips to get clear my mind from
    years of poison from pornography?And finally what are signs or milestones or improvement during the recovery process? Thanks for taking the time to read. All your help is much appreciated and means a lot to me, I just want to be normal again and get my life back. Thanks for taking the time to read.
  2. Daniel stops

    Daniel stops Fapstronaut

    Hello @NeverAgain10. The good news to you is, all described problems of you are completely normal with porn addiction.

    At first the gay thing: it is a thing of your brain. PMO is about a high dopamine level and if you watch the same porn category again and again your brain gets bored. So its completely normal it wants to get more dopamine and watch harder porn. Many people here had these feelings like you. You should read some threads and you will find ppl like you. Don't worry.

    Second thing: Your errectional dysfunction is a problem of your addiction too. You are focused too many on the porn stuff. But its fake, the acter and actresses dont do this because they like it, they do it for money. You have to be clear of this thought. And watching porn gives you a wrong imagination of how sex has to be.

    You always can heal of this addicton. But it takes some time and hard work.

    Please look at the tips of these forums. There are many good ways to start. I would recommend looking for some hobbies like reading, doing sports, yoga or meditation. You have to strengthen your will. It will take some months of NoFap, but you will become normal! Trust me :)
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.

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