When I Am Going to be Healed

I wish I never discovered p.

 

I'm in chock today after I relapsed to porn last night due to insomnia and boredom. 6 weeks of no mo and 3 weeks of no p down the drain. SMH....

 

Yeah I'm familiar of unable to use p for a long time. I hit rock bottom in 2018 where I've done 16mo harmode. I broke it off in January 2020. Still it felt really bad as my brain couldn't handle any torture no more.

 

Huh...
I don't understand

 

Repetitive Flashbacks of bad memories that happened 10 to 15 years are bothering me. Flashbacks on some things that I couldn't stand up for myself, failed to assert myself with women or crushed in my teens who betrayed me. I know it's caused by the reboot but they annoying....

 

I just let things cool off. In the back of my mind, I know it's caused by the reboot.
Personally, I've been obsessed about the longevity of my life. 1 day I think of life being too short. Other I'm like there's plenty of time.
Also a lot of weird dreams and nightmares such as sexual and violent.

 

Feeling so lonely and disconnected from the outside world.

 

I relapsed this morning after a week free of pmo. The relapse came shortly after a sex dream from p. As soon as I done the deed, I felt pain and tingling sensation in my prostate vein.
Now I gotta watch out for the chaser effect....

 

Why days going so slow???

I kinda lost confidence in myself.
I let myself down too much concerning this pmo thing.

 

Just wake up having a wet dream from a porn dream. Look like prostate fluid leaking out...
I can't stop having these kind of dreams these days whether I relapsed or not.

 

I had some recurrent of sleep disturbing last night due to heart palpitations. I was legit panicked and thoughts of dieing.
Nun much with my reboot. Just body pain, Tinnitus, head and nerves sensation, lower back pain, worrying, excessive farts, some burpees...

Any body check Dr Trish Leigh about pmo???
She's good and well informed.

 

Not a good day so far. Drank some coffee this morning...
Still have brain Fog, confusion, Second guessing myself, Negative thoughts, Emotions up n down like a rollercoaster. Feeling like the world is ending right now and I'm running out of time. Cognitive Impairment issue, feeling like I'm not my thoughts.... It's like someone else thinking for me. Ouuuuufff!!!

 

Thinking about the past especially my early 20's. If I knew about the danger of pmo, I would advise my 20 year old to not indulge in such activities.

 

Heavy chest pressure and in the back. It made me laugh and painful at the same time. I found a rebooter on Reddit who gone 24 months and he experienced the same symptoms.