Why id my ex guy contact me this time? we have been on and off several times

when i started getting involved with him i was 23, he was 21. now i am 30 he is 28. we have been on and off several times. we mostly had. s. especially at my house sometimes dates out. i fell for him intensely. sometimes i said to him he was the only one for me. i don't think that from a long time. i just feel the scars he gave me and how innocent and wanting to be loved i was by him. i have been a carpet with him, he lowered my self esteem hugely

he was a f. boy fooling around all the time so it was casual for him and i did not want that. even after he came back before after 3 years claiming he truly missed me we had s. few times and he would block me almost everytime after then coming back, then he is dating someone else then he texts me again. he did not say what he wanted this time

last time we texted was around last august or september. he blocked me on whatsapp and i blocked him back. i was feeling lonely and i got "rejected" by a colleague

i just wanted to talk to him but he said he had a gf, i asked how they met or something like that and he blocked me saying we could not talk. he is incapable of loyalty with any girl

during the day (so he could have not been drunk) recently he sent an email to my work. we blocked each other on facebook and still are
"Hi (my nickname),

Its (this f.boy's name), can you find me on Facebook.

Thank you"

what does he want from me this time? i am not going to even reply to him this time. it is over forever. but he sent this time an email to my work. i just wonder what game is he playing? why contacting me? honestly i thought about him lately if he was thinking about me but that is it

i have not been with any guy since he last used me a couple of years ago so i have been lonely but i just want to be with a nice guy that treats me good and that likes me truly otherwise i do not want any involvement. i wish i never met him, i told him that but he liked hearing that, i could see he liked how much power he had over me. that's disgusting

he is an attractive guy still, likes to brag about having an expensive car so he can get hot girls easily younger than me at this point. i am still hot but if he wants a fresh piece of meat that is not me and i never was a golddigger. i am smart, educated, a proud recovering s. and p. addict on my path to self-love and improvement

 

@onceaking @John Q. Sinner thanks guys i deleted that ridiculous email he sent to my work and blocked that email address. i am sure he is not going to try to get in touch anymore with me once he does not get any reaction from me this time around

i always replied, or met him to talk or took him back. this time i refuse to deal with him in any way, i will not give him the satisfaction to boost his ego or hurt me ever again. his true personality is ugly. he is a monster truly

i cannot believe i got involved with someone that turned out to be so evil and merciless. i am working on getting the respect i deserve in my daily life. but since i last saw him i rejected some f.boys and i am waiting for someone who will love me and respect me

 

main thing is Person A broke me in a devastating way but i had some trust issues from the past. when I self analyzed my s. addition and the whys, when i started my reboot, I realized that even if i always said I wanted a real gf and bf relationship, I wanted that (50%) and I did not want that (the other 50%)

I want commitment but I am afraid of it at the same time, because I am afraid to be abandoned so to me if don't let anyone else get close to me as person A did, he cannot leave me I am "safe" from feeling that hurt again because I do not want to feel that hurt ever again whether it is done by person A or a brand new person

person A never let me in and is a monster. and i am sure he came back several times to me to then leave me over again because I allowed him to treat me poorly but i would still meet him or talk with him. i never shut the door to him until now because of the few good moments that were a lie and because i am tired to not have the right person to build a family with one day

he didn't contact me again because he doesn't want me to leave him but because i used to be his plan b forever. I was someone to use and throw away until he had his ego boosted. he liked knowing how much hurt he caused me because that would show the big influence he had over me. when i finally told him how much he hurt me, he said he would go for a smoke outiside the bar we were at and left me there. i looked for him and he texted me saying i am sorry bla bla but we are not meant to be i refuse to hurt you again and left me there you are never gonna rhear from me again

he never cared that i suffered that is the worst part

but at least after 3 days battling if i should respond and asking why still contacting me i blocked that email address and deleted that ridiculous email

it was not codependency in my case. while i was still an unleashed s. addict I was addicted to him mostly the s we had. when i met him again after my reboot reached more than a year of sobriety i wanted to test if having s. with him would have felt that addictive again and it complety lost appeal

i was not into the s. and i had pain knowing finally the real person i let in my house and in my heart. before he did show me the monster he was sometimes he was even too sweet. he was acting before with me, to make me fall for him

I have been attracted and a bit interested in some guys since I last saw person A but they had all red flags so I did not get involved at all. so now I see red flags and i don't even get involved at all. This is a great achievement for me and a show of great self respect

i do not want to read books about abusive relationships but thanks for the recommendation.i want to focus and attract a relationship based on respect, loyalty and true love. one day i will go to a s. addiction counsellor so i can go profound on why i did what i did

 

that is what he did to me. a new me was born after him. part of me wanted to maybe believe he missed me or remembered how good i was to him and how he treated me feeling finally some remorse thinking what did i do? type of concept
given that i "chose" him for on and off a year and i did not waste that much time on anybody else before or after him

thanks for your words I am working on changing to a job that makes me satisfied. concentrating on self taught studies now to get this job that will make me satisfied, what does your Latin quote come from and what does it mean?

 

i will check what the reviews and read inside the book if preview is available. but for now i keep being sigle so i can't go wrong with that, i am doing many important studies so i have so many books and courses to study. i want to switch to a more satisfying career because my current job is soul-killing and i refuse to live like this for much longer