Wtf am I doing?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, May 1, 2018.

  1. Ok, as you can see I am new here. I have abstained from porn about 2 weeks, but I masturbated almost every day. Despite of fapping, I am feeling some results.

    This is the reason why I started the the nofap challenge last Monday. (2 days without fapping YEH!)

    I have a problem. I am a 27 year old fucking virgin. Never kissed a girl in my ridiculous life.

    The reason is because my adolescence time was a complete shit. Girls and friends mocked/joked with me (calling me ugly, stupid, etc) and I still don't know why. My self esteem got lower (but no depression or anxiety). I was a late grower. I think I just became a man in my 21 years old.

    When I hit 23 years old I got depressed because of not having a gf (or a life) LOL. It was a real shit.
    Lost the interest about everything. Waking up was hard as fuck. First thought (better to be dead than alive). But I started to see that a girl is not everything in life. They don't deserve a guy like me. I am superior to them. Started to lift weights, eat clean, running. My body is other shit now (like 7/10 ffor a 5'8 manlet). New haircuts and we get better with aging. I still feel ugly (maybe because my self esteem is still low), but I see uglier guys than me with smoking hot chicks. I am really good at my job (developer basically). I transformed myself from the lonely depressed guy to the lonely don't give a fuck guy.

    Times goes by, and I am a 27 years old. Yes I am a better version of myself. But I don't have friends because I gave a shit.
    When I say I don't have friends, I am saying that I don't have anyone to hang out. To drink a beer. To go to a disco. To meet girls. Basically, I don't have a life. I just work.

    Now I am starting to go down again. What is the funny of life without friends or girls? Tell me. I have been improving my self for 4 years, not giving a shit about girls and friends. "WTF am I doing"?
    We men, that are not asexual, need sex, need a partner to enjoy the life! Our main goal is to procreate, to socialize, not spend a life alone.

    My goal is to nofap and start to improve my skills with girls (and only girls). I don't need friends atm. TELL ME. How the hell can I meet girls? And please, don't tell me that I need to have friends first.
    I don't want to have a friend just for the sake of having. I just want to improve my skills with girls.
    Creating social network shit is not an option. I value my privacy a lot.


    I don't have any chance right?
     
    HopeFaith, Supra, RobTN and 1 other person like this.
  2. Halustra

    Halustra Fapstronaut

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    You have to get into situations where you have discussions and activities together.
    You said you've been improving yourself, what fields have you been improving on?
    And please dont write things like
    nobody cares..

    The thing is you think you have it bad, that its really hard.
    Look at the world, people work 20 hours for 2 dollars, can't eat , shower or they cant get married since the city they are in is on industry ( some cities in China where men are high percentage)

    So get your perspective on my friend, and get into activites like dance etc i dont know nobody knows you just have to try things and fail dramatically and learn try fail .....

    İf you are not willing to fail you wont do it. Believe me i know how you feel ( i too know how cliche this sounds lol) but you cant debate it , not try it , and never know the answer

    1 > 0 ( or try tinder dude duh)
     
    Martinus and ambidextrous like this.
  3. TenderCrisp

    TenderCrisp Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    I'm not really here to give you the advice you're looking for, but I haven't been on here for a couple weeks, just logged back into my account bc everything is shit again, and the first post I see is yours. And it resonates SO much with me. So maybe I'm just replying to let you know there are people here who know exactly how you feel. And even though I might not have the answers you're looking for, I think it's comforting to know that people share your suffering. I have a somewhat similar history. Ditched all my old loser friends who only got wasted every weekend, lost my girlfriend (who was a part of that group), quit drinking, quit smoking, tried to become a better version of myself. But all this superficial improvement shit is just not enough. It's just a distraction. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been happier if I had never even tried to change myself. My core issue has always been and still is this motherfucking brutal addiction to pmo that feels so much like an innate part of me that I can't even imagine a life without it. On the first or second lonely weekend it usually just gets me, because, like you, I don't have a life, I only work. And then I think to myself, "you know what? fuck it! fuck this shit!! Treat yourself!". I'm actually happy that my four day weekend is over now so I have somewhere to go and to be tomorrow. I didn't even leave the house in those past 4 days and probably pmoed more than a dozen times. I've even spontaneously been writing what seems to become a suicide letter or some shit in the past 2 or 3 days. My life just fucking sucks man. So even though you don't care for making friends, Imma give you a big manly hug because you probably need it just as much as I do.

    As for approaching girls: nofap definitely helps. It sounds like some magical hocus-pocus shit but it's true, when you do nofap for a week or two you will notice girls really look at you and notice you more. Just do nofap long enough for some of those sweet benefits and then try to milk those good-feeling benefits instead of milking your genitals. I wish you the best of luck man. If only I had something to look forward to and strive for. I've basically given up myself and abandoned all hope. But not you! You do have a chance! And I demand a nice optimistic update in 7 days. I'll try to do the same, once again...
     
  4. @Halustra You see that is the thing. I compare my life with the others and that is why I get depressed. I always think about the happier people. I will not compare myself with some poor man in Africa or China. I will compare myself with the lucky people that I knew my whole life and ask why I am not happy with a good life like they have. I seriously believed in god. Why do you think I don't believe him/her/it any more? I enjoy life. I know that life has many things are are meant to be appreciated and loved.
    But girls are like a demanding "thing" that we must have. It is not a pressure that society puts on us but a natural aspect of life.
    If we don't talk, don't have sex, do whatever with girls, it is more than natural to become depressed or a zombie guy.


    @TenderCrisp. I really feel you man and it is nice to know that there are people in the same boat. I just didn't understand why you gave up. I don't think that my life or yours, suck. We just don't have friends or gf's. What is the difference of those "happy" people with us? They have friends and a gf, so their life is more interesting than ours. This is no motive to think about suicide stuff. But to change our life. Which is why I am trying to understant what to do.

    I just think that we have to get of this orbit. Just like a satellite is orbiting the planet for ever, if we give a push it will eventually get out of his orbit. The problem, and that is why I will try the nofap, is how do I get off this repetitive orbit. I have to be the one doing the push. I can't wait for a magic push or something.
     
    Deleted Account and TenderCrisp like this.
  5. Creation_of_life

    Creation_of_life Fapstronaut

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    What do you think you need to do to get what you want in your life? You feel your life is crap, you say you worked on yourself for 4 years, not caring about girls and friends. I do agree humans are a social species though. Do what you think you need to do, to get a happy life. If that is improving your game, then do that, if that is getting deep connections with others, then do that. If it is eating oranges every day, then do that. Only you can answer that. Good luck
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. First of all I want you to understand that I am not a needy guy. I am a 27 years old virgin. The thing is that I feel my nature calling for attitude. My nature is telling me that girls have to be part of my life.
    I can live, phsychologically, without them, but I feel that I am becoming a zombie which doesn't care about anything. This is the main reason why I am starting no fapping. I want to feel the real NEED to have a girl. I want to be a needy, desperate guy! Maybe with nofap I will start to talk more with girls, look them in the eyes, etc.

    The thing is, if I don't have friends, If I don't know how and where to meet girls, if I don't like most of the stuff that grils like (social networks, dancing clubs, parties, ...) how the fuck can girls be part of the equation of my life?

    I want advices! How can a lonely guy, enter in the social world? What are the first steps.
     
    Zatch bell101G likes this.
  7. So basically you aren't looking to make friends and you don't want to get involved in social media, but you want a girl. Brother I've gotta tell you from experience that if you don't expand your social circle, you're gonna have a hell of a time finding a girl! The only thing that you're really left with is the cold approach, which for most, is the toughest way to meet women. You may want to reconsider your options. I'm a private guy as well, but I did manage to start a dating profile, which did land me a few dates. You gotta start somewhere, right?
     
  8. Read the book "The Game" by neal strauss.
     
  9. Yes I know it is difficult. Dude you don't imagine how I hate social network. I hate Facebook and Instagram mentality.
    What is the point of posting photos of your "meaningless" everyday life? And post pics of your body?
    I have a nice body, but I would feel so ridiculous by posting a pic of my body just like most guys do.
    I am not an attention whore.
    I grew up by thinking that dating sites are for losers. Guess what? Losers have girls and I don't have.
    Maybe it is better to be a "loser" after all. I am considering to try tinder or some similar shit.




    Interesting.
     
  10. I don't like posting things on social media either but if somebody does it from time to time, it does not mean they are an attention whore...I do agree with what you say about the meaningless life though, but it is what it is. Sounds like you are angry at society...
     
  11. If you post a pic of your body then you are just showing yourself. Just like a girls does when post a pic of her body.
    It is not attention per se, but it is show off. Attention whores are the guys/girls that are always doing that.
    I don't need attention. But yes, I have to attract the attention of the girls somehow.
     
  12. So you are saying that you are so perfect that you never crave even a little bit of attention from other people ? I know very well what attention-seeking is. I don't like to post pictures of my body cause, yes, it is showing off. But for women it is normal, they are women and they have and always will want attention. The problem occurs when men start behaving like women and crave for too much attention... Anyhow, off to bed, good night to all.
     
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  14. Not perfect, I am just a reserved guy I guess. I don't like attention. I just like attention when I think it is worth it (like a great deed).
    But see, the fact that you commented saying that I think that I am too perfect it is maybe a general thought that people have about me.
    I have to improve that.
     
    Ragnar_Lothbrok likes this.
  15. outplan

    outplan Fapstronaut

    Why don't you tell us what girls want first and maybe we can work backwards from there.
     
  16. Are you talking about personality?
    To be honest, I don't really feel to be in a seriously relationship right now. I just would like to meet every kind of girls. I want to understand them. I want to feel that I can get a gf If I want.

    You know, I see guys that are not handsome or rich and they broke up with a girl and 1 month later they have a new gf. How the hell can they do this? Are they magicians?

    At this moment I think it is impossible for me to get a gf. Which makes me think I will die alone and virgin.

    I know that having a girl cannot be very difficult. But I really don't know how to even start,
     
    Knighthawk likes this.
  17. outplan

    outplan Fapstronaut

    No, I'm talking about what it is that a woman wants from a relationship. You say "don't tell me I need friends first" but if you look at what a woman wants, there's a huge social element to it, they don't often live the isolated lives of men. So to appeal to women, you need to prove you're socially accepted first which means friends. You can ignore that fact if you like but it's still a fact.

    So you need to work backwards from that again to come up with a plan to move forward and my suggestion would be to work on loving yourself first. If you're not happy with yourself all socialisation is hard .

    This is a defense mechanism. You're so afraid of being hurt that you just won't let any one into your life for fear of them hurting you. You've already found you can't keep this up. You need to work on breaking down your barriers and overcoming your fears of rejection.

    Start doing something you enjoy doing, that makes you feel good and do it with other people. Do you play any sports? Do you do art? There are generally clubs for everything and if you go along with the ambition of improving your socialisation, then that's all you need to get back from it.
     
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  18. Loving myself is something that I am working on. I think it is getting better.


    I am afraid this is true.

    I am thinking to do some social things like sport. But I really feel that it is not going to help at all.
    It is like work. I have nice colleagues but not nice enough to be friends.
    The same is going to happen at clubs I guess. But this is something that I will probably try.

    Basically, I have to improve myself and my social circle.
    Regarding social circle is something that does not depend on me. Suppose that I have a negative vibe and people just don't like me. Or I am a nice humble guy but not interesting enough to make friends. That is why I think to ignore the social circle goal and move on to girls.
     
  19. outplan

    outplan Fapstronaut

    Your brain is making excuses to avoid the fear of something not working. That's the battle. Overcome your irrational mind. You can't see the future so there is actually no way to know that this couldn't work for you (unless of course you let your irrrational mind sabotage you too).

    Also focus on small steps. Commit to something. Working out three times a week. Having a coffee out even if by yourself, going to a movie. Get out more, overcome some fears. I think walking is pure magic. Go on some long walks through town and just let yourself be outside, amongst people without any expectations of having to interact or achieve anything. Walking is great for your brain and body.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2018
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  20. wtbootb

    wtbootb Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean? I'm gonna be honest with you here.

    Here's a little story of mine. I had a party of colleagues. We had common interests and it was just really fun when we were together. There was a little problem, they knew each other for about 2 years longer than I did. On top of that, my best friend from that group was a childhood friend with another colleague from that group. That kinda sucks. So I felt a little bit left out and started thinking about whether is it good to be friends with them or just go back to my solo style of life, focusing on my studies and work only.
    I think when I was thinking about quitting that group, I was just overly demanding on who can be my friend. I almost ended up being in that state of life when you are on bad terms with your family, you have no friends, no gf or wife, no social life and no joy in life except PMO.

    Later, I was fed up to the back teeth with this style of life. After certain things happened I changed my view on my life and society in general. I firmly decided on changing my life. A few months after that I found out about nofap and here I am. Finally after one month of nofap (with 3 relapses tho, damn that alcohol) I feel like living again.

    You said you don't want to have friends just for the sake of having friends, but you want a girlfriend just for the sake of having a girlfriend. Becoming more open and outgoing person would definitely help you. The last thing, this is just my personal opinion and may apply only to me, but life without any friends is not a life. Work on that as well. Good luck.
     
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