4/21 In the morning I was at school, got back home in the afternoons, watched some news and barber videos (I cut hair on my free time), got some sleep and woke up to study. After studding I listened to summit by convernant eyes (breaking free future summit) which gives stories of 40+ experts and pastors who have gone throughproblems with porn, and more advice and help on how to break through, it's awesome bro I recommend you check it out (registration is free). And my brain is kind of getting clear (am understanding morewhenstuding). immediately after thisI will recite the rosary and go to bed.
P : 15 Days M : 15 Days Sm : 0 Day... Sb : 0 Day... Top Record : P : 15 Day - Fail 7 M : 15 Day - Fail 7 Sm : 2 Day... - Fail 8 Sb : 4 Day... - Fail 11 REWARD at Day 13th : Print you blog epub ---- New ---- Let's Print once you ready! REWARD at Day 15th : Watching Star Wars Tonigh! The Last Jedi! REWARD at Day 22nd : Go to Borobudur! Day 1 in new challenge
It would have been day 17 today, if I had not MO this time. I don't watch Porn but ya movies and other stuff like that excites me or else one can listen to those sounds. I made a mess, shit!! I had this image in front of me while I was busy doing bad habit, but still I went on and Bam!! I fall crashing to the ground and here starts Day 0. I don't understand why I tell myself this is the last time I'm doing and it never ends. I'm 21 year old, soon to be 22, but unable to cope up with this situation. I'm standing nowhere compared to what my girlfriend asks me to be. She believes that one day I would come to her place and propose her. I can't understand why these thoughts come up whenever I screw up like this. Now listing the things which I tried to access while doing the NoFap Challenge: Day 1- Very Vigilant and serious about this habit, read this article- https://www.google.com/url?q=http:/...-guide-everbody-should-read-before-nofap.html Day 5- Started watching few videos on youtube, but nothing vulgar. Day 7- Was very busy studying for exams Day 8- Didn't had time to open my laptop. Day 9- Was searching for some books on German language on torrent and ended up on bad stuff which shows the thumbnail of what lies in that torrent. Edged that night. Mistake!! Day 11- Searched for movies as it was weekend and ended up downloading none, rather again viewing those bad torrents which shows thumbnails of pstars, shit made a mistake!! Day11-14 Busy either because had family with me or had an exam Day 15- Searched for shuffle dance but rather watched bum moves, Another Mistake... Day 16- Got a HDD from friend which had movies, "not P", but some of them were hidden, I don't know why? I took a look to it and saw that it had some form of sexuality. Day 17- All alone with that HDD, my mind quickly searched for that best scene which would give me Dopamine shot. That one best scene from various hidden movies. Got nothing which could satiate me. Ended up watching that bum shaking gal, and fapping. BIG MISTAKE The link of an article which I have posted above states that, whatever comes one should not watch girls ANYWHERE, whether online or offline, but I thought that this is not gonna affect me because I don't watch girls as an object and at later point, I convinced myself that this is not your situation. In the virtual world, while alone, I dream them as an object which are made to move their asses. DAMN IT man, I've become such a BAD person and I am unable to realize it. What if one day my girl friend catches me in this situation, she won't talk to me my entire life. And I've no one except her. I won't be able to survive with this habit and that too alone. Now, that I've written records of what I have been doing, feeling, trying, searching, I know how to deal with it. Maybe it's becoming tough for me, because an year earlier I had a streak of 120 days. And now, 1 or 2 weeks. #I_CHALLENGE_MYSELF_2018
Day 7/21 Done! The last few days where easier compared to the previous ones. It feels good to make progress, and its motivating when you see the number of days of no PMO increasing. Keep it up guys!
Day 15/21 Starting down that last hill to three weeks. Not coasting, but enjoying the ride. Fly Fapstronauts.
Day 10 & 11 /21 Done. I should probably update this in the morning rather then when I go to sleep, as to avoid missing update posts.
