Day 1 Night time is the most vulnerable time for me. So I will post in the night everyday so that I will get the willpower to go an inch towards my goal. Why do I want this? I will answer this question everyday. Lately I have observed that pmo is not actually a problem for many people in this world. That is because their personality has accepted pmo as a part of their life. They are what they are and they don't find a big deal in pmo which defines their personality. I am not judging good or bad just that they are the other side of coin. Many others are very much spiritual orthodox in their life that they don't even fall into this cycle of pmo. I was brought up in an orthodox family where I had a great guide in my mother and sister. They were the two women who taught me that women needed to be treated with respect. So even if I had the attraction to opposite sex it was always temporary and it was more natural and biological. But now I have become so much mechanical and I couldnt resist looking at woman as an object of satisfying my desire. Every stranger that I see my eyes just go down for their assets instead of looking into their eyes. The thing is that I fell into the vicious cycle of pmo and gradually I have developed a second personality which gives more importance to the lust and makes me more sexually deprived. This is the personality that drives me masturbate watch porn and this personality has altogether created a psuedo life for me in which I imagine many ways in which I will have sex with opposite gender. Including my friends (this is where it made me feel most guilty about pmo) my second personality imagines their deeds of love towards my first personality as something lust driven and that drives me once every two to three days to jerk. This is something my first personality cannot accept at all. Eventually after my second personality makes me do things my first personality feels very very bad. I am a guy who thinks women should have equal rights and I am the guy who thinks of my best friend having sex with me. See this clash between my two personalities has taken my character to a ocean deep low. My first personality which was a result of 21 years of my growth is the personality I want to keep with me, I strive to be that person always and I want to embrace my second personality which is a result of just 5 years of my recent growth but I want to get rid of it. So I want to use this platform to let my thoughts out and explain my second personality why he is wrong and why he should merge with first personality That is why i said at the beginning pmo is not a thing to worry about for those people whose personality is lust driven. But for me I should choose between one and I know I love to be the person who understands the problems of his woman and can create a better place for her on this world and also in his mind. Hence day 1 into nofap. Will not stop till I get rid of pmo
Welcome to the challenge, its good to have you on board You made the right decision to work on getting rid of PMO. I hope youll manage to develop more and more into the person you want to be.
Here I am. I think it's over. Today while on youtube I saw a thing called body painting, which isn't family friendly. Models paint their skin and walk naked through the street, while it seems they are dressed. That made me horny, as you can imagine. But I'm abitued to it so everything passed. Well, as you may know I'm waiting from 2 weeks now a nocturnal emission. So, every night I put a tissue in my shorts to protect them from being sewed. But tonight, I already felt horny, and when my penis made contact with my hands putting the tissue, I couldn't resist. I used no porn, nor any hands, just a soft stimulation. I though it was innocent, it was acceptable after 22 days of monk mode. I continued, I got so close to orgasm that I couldn't move. I didn't know what to choose: having an innocent orgasm, without porn, or giving up my tentations and sleep. A wrong move in my bed made me come, literally. I don't know what could have happened if I gave up, probably the edging would have counted as much as a normal relapse, but I know now that I have to restart. It happened 30 minutes ago. The first five minutes, I tried to justify myself; another fifteen, I felt horrible; The last ten I felt the need to write here, to tell everybody about my failure. Because, even though I didn't choose to have an orgasm, I knew what I was doing, and I went so close to it that it still would have been a reset, even without having the orgasm. But now, surprisingly fast, I feel a demonic power into me: something that, if controlled well, could chop down a mountain. I feel it, it hurts to have failed, but I'll accept it and now, nothing can stop me. I swear it on my Lord! Be well, comrades!
No need for discouragement, just restart. It is part of the process of growing up from an addict to a man who takes charge of himself. Nofap is a journey of self discovery. Sometimes you learn what works and what doesn't through trial and error.
You need to clearly define what porn is to you. For me, porn is ANYTHING that we use to deliberately arouse illicit sexual urges or lust. Sexual fantasizing can be included as porn. Reading sex stories and sexting in my opinion will only lead to fantasizing and make the porn addicted brain develop even stronger neutral pathways to deepen the compulsion.
Day 16- the weekend is here. Weekends stopped being a source of dread for me since they used to be the time period when most of my relapses would occur. Now with a better schedule and having more social contact things have greatly improved. I'm really looking forward to the weekend.