Road to freedom update !

Wow. Yes, I know that. Yes I do and I’m so thankful for what Christ did on the cross. Nope and I’m not. Yes and that’s true. Yes, for sure. Yep. Yes, that’s true. Yes I am. Okay, got it. I know and I’m not and I won’t.

 

Day 3 complete at around 4:30AM: today was nice. No urges to PMO at all. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. I may have had a thought or idea to M this morning and I started edging, but I stopped because I didn’t want to MO. Today, I avoided all sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. The other truth is that Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. Surprisingly, no Os today. Very little if any. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was pretty easy today, except for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now recently, I’ve been praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. So far, it’s definitely been helping and working. Back to what I learned a few nights ago. My resistance is weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s getting better and i want to pray that God will help me make it better. I will request for backup to the Holy Spirit again and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was a little different. This morning I actually didn’t watch much cartoons this morning. I slept in later than I wanted to. But when I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. I read my Bible and prayed today. I will pray before falling asleep. Then I came downstairs and played with my nephew for a while. It was cold and snowing, but I still took my nephew for a drive one time. I also watched some tv. I also did collage a lot of the day. After a that, I went to shower and then I went to the basement and worked out. Then I came upstairs and got ready for bed. I will check nofap before falling asleep. Now I’m writing this and also I’m finishing this message before going to bed.



That’s what happened today.

 

I had a sexualized dream overnight. I’m getting urges to M. I might even O. I’m already edging and I’m starting to M.

 

It’s not. Yes, they are. Okay. I know I’m not and okay. Wow!

okay, I will. Okay and okay, I won’t. Okay, I will. Yes he is, God is faithful.

Wow!

yes and yes, I understand. Dude, thank you so much. Okay, I will. Yes he does. Yes it will and yes, I know I will.

thank you so much and yes, I know you do. Yes and yes I will.

 

Back at 0 days: well, back to no days. I had a sexualized dream overnight and at first, I wasn’t triggered. But very quickly became triggered and had urges. I was edging. Then I started doing it off and on. I texted my best friend. I posted on here. I asked the trinity to help and I requested backup to the Holy Spirit, meaning requested for Gabriel and Michael. But then I had an O. That’s when i full blown M’d. Obviously, i was not happy. I should have gotten up and fought, but i guess either I was too lazy or the enemy controlled me. I will go before God and ask him and the trinity, all the angels, guardian angels, Gabriel and Michael, every individual in heaven and those who love the trinity on earth to forgive me for letting them down. Including you all. I’m sorry.

 

Yes, he does, but I refuse to listen. Yes God does say that. I won’t and I won’t. Yes he has.

okay, I won’t. Yes, I have. Yes and yes and yes, I do those things. Yes, I also do those. Yes I will. Okay, I won’t. Yes, they’re from the enemy, not from God.

 

Over 1/2 half a day, Sep 9th complete: this morning was terrible. I became tempted after a little bit because I had a sexualized dream. When I woke up, I was fine. Then shortly after, I started edging. Then I started doing it off and on for a little while. I did everything I could. I texted my best friend, I posted here on nofap, I asked the trinity to help me, I requested for backup to the Holy Spirit, I also requested for Gabriel and Michael. I wanted to get up and fight, but I guess I was too lazy. Then later, I had an O and I M’d. I was not happy. Any other thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them. The one temptation is what I had from this morning. I did have triggers, but never acted on them, except for the one from overnight last night. Today, I avoided all sexual things or most sexual things, except for what happened this morning. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. The other truth is that Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had an O this morning. Then if I can remember, I may have had more sometime in the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was a little hard today, including the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now recently, I’ve been praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. So far, it’s definitely been helping and working. Back to what I learned a few nights ago. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s slowly getting better and i want to pray that God will help me make it better faster. I will request for backup to the Holy Spirit again and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. Again, I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. Again, I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was also a little different. This morning I actually didn’t watch any cartoons this morning. Instead, I fapped with OM. when I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. I read my Bible and prayed today. Again, I will pray before falling asleep. Then I came downstairs and played with my nephew for a while. It was still cold and snowing, but i did not take nephew for a drive and I didn’t drive today. I also watched some tv. I also did collage a lot of the day. After a that, I went to shower and then I stayed upstairs and worked out. Then I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I was looking up things like, (trigger warning), sexual pleasure and why did God create pleasure and did God create orgasm. I got really turned on. Amazingly, I did not watch any porn videos and did not look at porn graphic images or stories. I started writing this message before falling asleep. I finished this message the next morning.

That’s what happened today.

 

Wow, you gotta be careful. Oh dear. Wow. Wow, glad you realized that. Good, I’m glad. Yeah, that’s never good. Yes, that’s not good.

oh yes it is. Yes and wow. That’s hard to do. Good, not good for the pain, but good that it stopped you. Nope, nothing else. Maybe there’s a reason and wow ! 60+ years ?? When did this start ? The addiction ? I don’t either.

Wow and good. Good for you. Aww, that’s so romantic. Wow, that’s so sweet and adorable. Oh that’s amazing. So you had sex is what you’re saying or not quite or similar ? No matter what, that’s so romantic, sweet and adorable.

 

Wow sir, that’s horrible. My addictions to PMO started with not even playboy. It was just a bikini magazine from a clothing store I found in my bathroom. I’ve been addicted for 10 year or so. God helped me to seek freedom when I admitted to my best friend in March 2018. Now I’m not even close to where I was before, praise God. Okay and I know it’s hard as times, having ED is. Oh that’s so sweet. Yes, That’s so romantic.

 

Confession: this morning was hard. I was on nofap, talking to someone when they said something that I was interested in knowing what it was. I looked up the definition and it started triggering me. I got super turned on. I did see images, but no nudity. I also did not go to sites or see any more images. However I looked up lesbians doing the same thing, again did not go to sites and did not look at images. Then I started edging and Ming and had an O. Then my mind went to porn. I typed in words and pressed enter. My heart was saying, “don’t click on images or sites”. But my mind was everywhere. I told my best friend about all this. He said close the page. I got out of it before he even said to. I made the choice and got out of it. I also stopped edging and got up. Then he told me to write down why I wanted purity. I also called him to make sure I wasn’t tempted in the future. I was literally inches from looking at porn images and videos. But I’m so glad that I listened to my heart and the spirit. All praise and glory to God and the trinity !!


1. I want purity because that’s what God would want.


2. My wife would want me to be pure for her and for our wedding day.


3. Brecken, (my nephew), needs a man who is a good role model for him. A man who’s brave and strong enough to teach him everything he needs to know about God’s design and view of sex and the world’s corrupt design and view of sex and porn. To teach him the way God wants him to go.

 

Back to 0 days: hey everyone. So I lost the second battle. I was reading things on nofap that triggered me. I originally turned it down. But I was really turned on in the shower because of the things I read and also I was thinking about my future wife. I was originally saying that I don't want to be turned on until I'm married with my wife. I was also shutting down every thought, temptation and turn on. But then later I got to my feet and I started Ming. It was off and on. Then when I went again, I couldn't stop. I also had a thought that I was gonna P when I got out of the shower. This is not the first time this has happened. It’s happened before. Sometimes I’m able to control myself after thoughts and sometimes I can’t. Or rather I have thoughts or not, I’m able to control myself in the shower. but this time I failed. I will go before God and confess and repent. I’m sorry.

 

Confession: I won the 3rd battle. The thought I had when I was in the shower that I was gonna P when I got out of the shower almost took me over. At first nothing happened, suddenly that thought started flooding my mind. I typed in words and pressed with 2 different things/searches. First one I said, “I’m not doing this”. The second was harder. My heart and the spirit was saying, “no, don’t do this”. But still was tempted to press on sites and images. Then the spirit opened my ears and I heard my nephew. Then I read the list I had written this morning. The spirt was telling me that I need to be exactly like the list was saying. So I listened and closed the page and got out of it. Then I called my best friend Incase I was still tempted. It’s amazing that I won the first 2 battles, but yet I lost the one battle when I was in the shower. I went before God and asked everyone in heaven to forgive me for the second battle. I’ll go to him again to thank him for helping me with the third battle.

 

9 hours and Sep 10th complete: today was so hard. no sexualized dream last night. I won 2 of 3 battles today.

Here’s the first battle & Confession: this morning was hard. I was on nofap, talking to someone when they said something that I was interested in knowing what it was. I looked up the definition and it started triggering me. I got super turned on. I did see images, but no nudity. I also did not go to sites or see any more images. However I looked up lesbians doing the same thing, again did not go to sites and did not look at images. Then I started edging and Ming and had an O. Then my mind went to porn. I typed in words and pressed enter. My heart was saying, “don’t click on images or sites”. But my mind was everywhere. I told my best friend about all this. He said close the page. I got out of it before he even said to. I made the choice and got out of it. I also stopped edging and got up. Then he told me to write down why I wanted purity. I also called him to make sure I wasn’t tempted in the future. I was literally inches from looking at porn images and videos. But I’m so glad that I listened to my heart and the spirit. All praise and glory to God and the trinity !!

1. I want purity because that’s what God would want.

2. My wife would want me to be pure for her and for our wedding day.

3. Brecken, (my nephew), needs a man who is a good role model for him. A man who’s brave and strong enough to teach him everything he needs to know about God’s design and view of sex and the world’s corrupt design and view of sex and porn. To teach him the way God wants him to go.

Heres the second battle & setback, reset or relapse, ECT: Back to 0 days: hey everyone. So I lost the second battle. I was reading things on nofap that triggered me. I originally turned it down. But I was really turned on in the shower because of the things I read and also I was thinking about my future wife. I was originally saying that I don't want to be turned on until I'm married with my wife. I was also shutting down every thought, temptation and turn on. But then later I got to my feet and I started Ming. It was off and on. Then when I went again, I couldn't stop. I also had a thought that I was gonna P when I got out of the shower. This is not the first time this has happened. It’s happened before. Sometimes I’m able to control myself after thoughts and sometimes I can’t. Or rather I have thoughts or not, I’m able to control myself in the shower. but this time I failed. I will go before God and confess and repent. I’m sorry.

Here’s the third battle & second confession: Confession: I won the 3rd battle. The thought I had when I was in the shower that I was gonna P when I got out of the shower almost took me over. At first nothing happened, suddenly that thought started flooding my mind. I typed in words and pressed with 2 different things/searches. First one I said, “I’m not doing this”. The second was harder. My heart and the spirit was saying, “no, don’t do this”. But still was tempted to press on sites and images. Then the spirit opened my ears and I heard my nephew. Then I read the list I had written this morning. The spirt was telling me that I need to be exactly like the list was saying. So I listened and closed the page and got out of it. Then I called my best friend Incase I was still tempted. It’s amazing that I won the first 2 battles, but yet I lost the one battle when I was in the shower. I went before God and asked everyone in heaven to forgive me for the second battle. I’ll go to him again to thank him for helping me with the third battle.

I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was again unsuccessful at times. The other truth is that Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had an O this morning & afternoon. Then if I can remember, I likely had more at sometimes in the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was extremely hard today, including the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now recently, I’ve been praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. So far, it’s definitely been helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s slowly getting better and i want to pray that God will help me make it better faster. I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. Again, I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. Again, I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was also a little different. This morning I actually didn’t watch any cartoons this morning. This morning is when I won the 1st battle. It was a battle that started from a trigger on nofap that could have caused me to PMO. After all that, I got up and I did the song I usually do in the morning. I read my Bible and prayed today. Again, I will pray before falling asleep. Then I stayed in my room a little bit, then I went to shower. I was in the shower this afternoon when I lost the 2nd battle to M and probably O because of things I read on nofap and I was also thinking about my future wife. Then it was after the shower that I won the 3rd battle. I was in the shower when a thought of Ping when I got out of the shower popped in my mind. When I got out, it almost took me over, but I won after making smart choices, calling my best friend, listening to my heart and the spirit, the spirit opening my ears and hearing my nephew, reading something I wrote down about my nephew earlier this morning and receiving a thought from the spirt about him. it was still cold, no more snowing, but I did not take my nephew for a drive and I didn’t drive today. After my shower, i came downstairs and played with my nephew for a little bit, then i went to workout. Then i came upstairs and prepared for and watched NFL’s Sunday Night Football. I did not do collage today. I also designed something before coming upstairs for bed. Then I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I started writing this message before going to bed. I finished this message at midnight.

That’s what happened today.

 

Day 1, Sep 11th complete: today was much better than yesterday. No urges to PMO at all. I had a much better day in the shower today. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. this morning I rubbed myself once or twice and bumped it once. I did not do that to be sexual. Today, I avoided most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. The other truth is that Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was pretty easy today, except for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now recently, I’ve been praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. So far, it’s definitely been helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s getting better, it was hard during all 3 battles yesterday. But I won 2 out of 3 battles. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make it better. I will request for backup to the Holy Spirit again and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was going to normal some. This morning I actually didn’t watch cartoons this morning. I was on nofap and Fight The New Drug. When I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. I read my Bible and prayed today. Again, I will pray before falling asleep. Then i went to shower. Then I came downstairs and played with my nephew for a while. It was finally warm again today. I took my nephew for a drive. Then we went to take a car to park n ride for someone. Then we came home and I played with my nephew for a while and also put him to sleep. Then I also tried to get some collage done. Later his dad came over after coming home from deployment in Japan. So we talked and hung out with him for a long while. I took my sister and my nephew and his dad for a ride on the ATV. Then later he left and I went and watched movies as me and my nephew played. Then he went to sleep. Then i worked out as I watched some more movies. Then I came upstairs and got ready for bed. I finished my food and got in bed. When I got in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message at around 1 AM.

That’s what happened today.

 

(Trigger warning). I have a question: I saw an HBO ad that had a very very brief, very very quick sexual video. I don't think I was even aroused because it was so quick and I couldn't tell. Both people were naked and looked like they were having sex or something. But luckily they had there backs to the camera so I couldn’t see. Plus it was so quick I couldn’t tell what was happening. I do know they were both naked and had they’re backs to the camera. I know it wasn’t on purpose. It was actually by accident because I didn’t know that it would have that. Does this count as a reset, relapse, setback, ECT ?