Relapsed again, and I am a total mess, but I think I am ready to re-commit to this challenge. I will follow @RiseToGreatness' tips from page 1 of this thread instead of just half-hearted efforts. It's time to get this done for real! Have a great day, fellowship. I believe in you. And thanks @RiseToGreatness for keeping this thread going. It's the best, and you are really making a difference in all our lives.
day 8, on the edge of relapse. in the past day stopping myself from fishing had become an active straggle. me and my girlfriend are kind of in a fight, and its really about nothing, but it's still stressing me out and that is the time when I always relapse. right now I kind of stormed out of the house, but I'm going to do everything to try and calm myself. I'm sitting in a park listening to birds singing, I'm going to try and meditate a little bit and I've got a book with me. but shit... I feel so shitty right now that all I want to do is just relapse and fail and to just not exist for a couple of minutes.
No not really. What you really want is to get relief from feeling shitty and your brain tries to sell you PMO again as a solution. Try to buy a notebooks and list everything you want/need and write in it for half an hour or so if your still feel shitty then its a miracle!
Day 25! I'm on vacation so no urges here. It's been a while since I saw a lot of people (bars are open here), and I think this is therapeutic. I wish you an awesome weekend!
Day 15 Somebody pass me the Hobbit pipe, it's time for some Old Toby. I feel like I'm making my way back to the land of the living. It's a process. I'm still having some trouble with focus, but not as much. I feel healthier. I'm still trying to figure out my dissertation and I have to grade papers, and these are sources of anxiety. I am keeping it in better perspective, though, and I aim to keep doing that. Things that have helped this streak: prayer, exercise (both lifting weights and regular walks), healthy eating, going to bed at decent times. Basically routine and structure. And also perspective. I've been trying to be more conscious of how good my life actually is. It really is. Even when things go wrong, these are either short-term miseries that will pass away, or opportunities to grow, or else blessings in disguise that I don't recognize. I just want to keep getting better. Time to smoke a bowl (of tobacco), drink a beer, and move towards Mordor- nothing to fear.
Aaah, sorry guys. I've been gone for just under two weeks, but I'm back now. Reasons why I stopped posting (and stopped caring about my streak) are complicated and not solely about me being lazy/not trying hard enough (although that's definitely a factor) but I've renewed my resolve now and I'm ready to take this seriously again. Day 0.
Feel sleepy now and am about to hit the hay. Done some meditation,cycled, half an hour at the gym, read a book and took a cold shower for the 2nd day in the row. Had some urges-temptations whenever had a look at the nice shape in the gym had to pull my look away like a a nosy dog on the leash. Found an old picture in the tablet(whilst looking for posting pic..sorry mixed it up i was looking for my downloaded meditation tracks,picture search was in the morning) and had hand cover the screen while erasing it.
yeah, i know that feeling bro. sometimes we just want an atomic bomb that make all the pain go away. i feel you bro. but notice that, for us, pmo works like heroin. it may give a temporary relief but then it plunges us even deeper into our misery. now you´re feeling 2 stressors: the daily stress of regular living, and the anxiety of the pmo withdrawal period. this is the worst period in any addiction recovery. so hang in there my brother and deal with the stress in proper ways, don´t cover it up, face it. I know it hurts, but the pain is there to teach you something. listen to it. here´s what i do everytime i feel a hard emotion. try it bro. in fact do it often, it works very well
Checking in Fellowship. Still feeling a bit jumpy as i still not settle my adequate take of caffeine, but i will get there . Other than that, very busy day and feeling somewhat happy. Still, the nagging feeling of emptiness from the withdrawal remains. i guess i have to be patient. After dinner i´m gonna practice my handwriting and read an Atlas encyclopedia Tolkien is proud of the fellow companions @FellowCompanion - Uruk-Hai @Onan the Barbarian - Hobbit / Hobbiton (Your journey has started my brother. Here´s some Old Toby . Good luck!!!) @Prophet Moonstruck - Weathertop / Eriador @Thomas3 - Ford of Bruinen / Eriador @12ove - Misty Mountains Checking out brave Companion!!! Have a great weekend full of Joy and Comradeship!