Day 1: Today was quite easy. It's not over until I win!! I'll hit the goal of 7 days without losing my current strike!! And If I lose, so be it, I'll try again.
Day 0 Had 3 good (albeit busy) days. Today, not so good. I'm struggling with waves of nihilism ("is this worth it?", "does any of it matter") which compel me to relapse. I know in a lot of ways it's just my mind trying to justify PMO, but it's a tough feeling to fight. Particularly tough after having a long streak and breaking the streak. How do you guys bounce back after a broken streak? Need some motivation =/
Day 26! Sunday was tough, but I think what kept me from PMing was that I was prepared and knew what my brain was trying to do. Still, I found myself trying to find a movie or something to watch but was uncounciously looking for nudity (nothing explicit though, but it made me have urges). When I realized it was already in front of my eyes and of course I reacted... and just turned everything off and walked away. Im glad nothing happened, but it was a scary moment. What I learned from this is that for the time being I can't trust myself to watch some movies if i am alone. But it's best to avoid it altogether than try it and end up doing something bad. Next time I'm bored on a Sunday guess I'll read a book or go outside idk
Day 2 - Today was amazing, I overcome all my cravings. The battle was awesome. I'll hit my goal of 7 days without losing my current progress! And if I lose, so be it, I'll try again baby.
You can try this: Basically, I read a book called Can't hurt me. And one thing that I learned that can help with porn addiction is: 1)Take a dairy and write your heart-wrenching failure (In my case I relapsed after 23 days) 2)Write: what went well? 3)Write: what went wrong? 4)Write: How I handled my failure? 5)Make a list of things to fix (what when wrong) and put post-it notes in your mirror to make yourself accountable. And after you just repeat what went well.
Day 2 - This has to be it, time to grow up and accept responsibility as a man. PMO'ing isn't what a man does.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply, Higor! I actually read that book last year and remembering feeling very inspired. I never actualized any of the ideas but I will give this a try! Day 1. Let's get it, guys.
Clean today. Guys, willpower doesn’t work. Please stop trying to do this just on WP. Even I have made this mistake in the past, and trust me you’ll save a lot of time learning from my mistake. I know you must’ve heard this annoying line: “Willpower doesn’t work”. But what the fuck does it mean? It simply means that you cannot expect to beat an urge every single time you encounter it. Sure, you might go 10, 20 or even 90 days with willpower. But if you’re addicted you will always, always end up relapsing if you use willpower. So what now? What the hell are we supposed to do? What I have learnt in my three-year journey now, is that you have to establish systems (as the coach JK Emezi calls it, check out his podcast, you’ll love it). But What are Systems? I’ll give you a personal example: For too long (almost 1.5 years) my most compelling trigger was being unable to sleep. So, I MOed or PMOed to fall asleep. Now, the willpower method would be just to go in and experience the urge every time and try to beat it to fall asleep. Guess what? It failed 80% of the time. I would either end up staying awake from 11 pm to 7 am (not kidding) just fighting urges. Eventually, due to the sheer exhaustion, I would fall asleep. Later on, I would wake up feeling accomplished “Fuck yeah, I beat this urge” But since I had exhausted my willpower during the night, I would end up lapsing in the day, usually in the evenings. So down goes the nighttime battle in the toilet. Then, I learned about systems. Systems are like God’s weapon for me against the urges. I learned about how to fall asleep better, what activities were preventing me from falling asleep etc. And, I created a system, based on my knowledge. It consists of this: No tech devices after 9:30 pm, hot shower before bed, journaling before bed and dimming the lights from the penultimate hour, no tech in bedroom. I went straight from relapsing every night to relapsing every once a week and that too because I broke my boundaries. It was exhilarating for me. I no longer felt the need for masturbating every night just to fall asleep. This is what a single system can do. Imagine if you created a system around every genre of triggers. You’ll be well on your way to sobriety. This is what you can do if you just let go of using willpower. Use your brain. Save your life. PS. I do not pretend to be an expert in this, nor am I one. I just learn from the experts and implement. I shared this because it will help you too if you implement it. For those who really want to dive deep: 1. Read Willpower doesn't work by Benjamin Hardy. 2. Podcast: The Porn Reboot - JK Emezi.
Systems are a function of will. Will consists of much more than single-minded determination or it can. You can waste a gallon of gas lighting a fire or put it in your car and drive 20 miles and then pick up some more fuel at a gas station. The Will Project is worth a look if the topic interests you. Day 9 checking in. I'm making it through okay got some stronger urges during break at work, manageable and not gamechanging. Mentally preparing for the weekend, find something to do to get me out of the house for a bit.
