Hey Jamie, As I was reading your story, I couldn't help but get in your corner. I may not have had the same issues due to the fact I was always pretty manly in stature, however I still understand that feeling of loneliness and it sucks. I can see how someone can get caught up in one life style where you feel you're the center of the world & not want to return to being lonely. Normally I would never approve of such a lifestyle (not saying my approval means anything) but actually reading your back story. I think you should definitely try to figure out 100% what's best for you, whether it's being Jamie or James. Best of luck to you!! Keep on keeping on!
Jamie, Sounds like you're doing the right thing. Starting college again, breaking up with that BF, therapy etc. It's really great to see how upbeat you are about everything. And that's exactly what I was talking about! Finding joy in those day-to-day activities and responsibilities. That's good to hear about the attention thing as well. The more you can find satisfaction from within (rather than without), the more independent you can be emotionally, I think. And there's nothing wrong with enjoying attention at all. I do open mics and my modest musical ability will sometimes get me a number of compliments, which feels amazing validating. But at the same time, over-attention can warp your sense of pride unnaturally. I think it's safe to say that you learned to crave attention and are now learning to wean yourself off of it, which is awesome. And thanks for the kind words! I'm glad you appreciated my message. Honestly it's a little weird for me because I grew up conservative and always leaned pretty traditional on transgender issues, but hearing your story has really allowed me to empathize with someone in your position. So thank you for being so open to discussion!
Perhaps that is just your perception read from your vantage point, but I assure you it is not. Me is me...my journey thru this process is ongoing. Nothing "suggestive" at all but perhaps I should change if it has the chance of being a trigger. Good suggestion. Not the intention Def came for help, which has been constructively and thoughtfully given by 99% of those who took the time to read fully the posts before judging.
An update, and a "tweak" and realization to my initial original posting: It feels wonderful to BE in CONTROL of me --- not driven by impulse but by rational choice. As far as my "overall view of things": I came here initially saying "I am done being Jamie", thinking it meant I wanted to go back to being boy James, but I think now it really meant --- I do not want to be an easy slutty girl anymore. I am done with being THAT kind of girl --- but I am definitely a girl. Here is what I know now about me: i am absolutely a woman, and i love that i am totally attracted to men, only i am done being an easy woman i am becoming a very self-confidant woman i am definitely not a man, at all. nothing about me says "male, man, guy" I do not need porn at all, nor do i need a daily reinforcement to take comfort in my femininity so it feels wonderful.
Thank you so much for your supportive words --- I genuinely appreciate the positive vibes you are sending. and YES, getting the "attention thing" under control has been empowering---allowing the power of me to come, as you say, from within. I appreciate your willingness to be open and understand my (and someday as you encounter others) journey to where I am. That is powerful and i so appreciate you as a person open to change and new views. You are very cool.
Thank you for your comments, and for reaching out with true empathy ---- it is meaningful to me. I think I am closer to "getting it" in my own way, plus good therapy is really helping me
Hi guys, it is Jamie_K, now with a new account Jamie_K_ (two underscores I left NoFap a while ago but decided I still needed the understanding and support. If my friends are out there I hope we find each other again
Hello Jamie, It is great to hear from you again. It is definitely a tough road to take. I have only logged in a few times in the last month and am back for additional support. Besides, the site has felt a bit stale since you left. Hope that you are doing okay. Are you prepared for Rice U? #underscoregalore
You can be everyone you wan't james/Jamie The point is,you should accept yourself If you don't Like being Jamie then CHANGE You have the Power to do this as a human being And If you wan't to stay this way anyway ok, and you should Just accept you as you are a shiny,amazing human being
You're not new to this so begin your new journal and copy/ paste a link here so we can follow and encourage you.