28 Days! One month, here I come, but not in the dirty way (I know the pun joke was stupid, but it helps to look at this problem from the funny side, this way it looks much more manageable)
25.01 - Day 3 My hypothesis about some aspects of my addiction was right: during busy day I had 0 perversive thoughts. Having a day which consisted from lecture in academy, cooking, helping grandmother, liturgy and quite tough gym training literally gave no space for any bad or empty thoughts in my head. There was only thing that bothered me: sometimes I can't take my eyes of one girl in my church during liturgy. Nothing perversive, I just aesthetically enjoyed pure look of christian girl. However, I managed to get over even that. Women disturb me from getting scientific knowledge and divine wisdom. 26.01 - Middle of Day 4 Kept myself busy, there were no cravings yet. Meditations also help to obtain the feeling of clarity and calm.
56 days my brothers. great day today and very challenging at the same time. at lunch i got carried away in the wine and desserts department. immediatly i felt slugish and i notice i was staring more at the womans in television. in this stage usually i would lie to myself and say "well, why not a little peak?" "i would not collapse over that, for sure", but i have fallen many times in the past in this same situation, and i felt that my "extra relaxation" was fueled by alcohol. so without thinking too much i ask my wife to take with her my mobile and the laptop battery, since she was about to leave the house. so with me home alone, i spend my time doing domestic work while listening to disco music eheh. it was a great afternoon , but the sexual thoughts were very alive, and i was very glad to hand the devices away since i knew that if they stayed with me, i was gonna watch sexy content for sure. later, as the effect of the alcohol started to wear off i realize the dangers of peaking and then, when it totally wear off, i saw the stupidity of the all "peaking project". lesson learned and i advice all brothers as well: substances that alter consciousness are very effective to destroy willpower and induce thinking errors. if you predict you´re gonna drink put away all electronic devices as long you´re under the effect of alcohol. this simple act might safe you from a disaster.
Day 1. A little excited. I feel a little bit motivation coming back at me. I think maybe both knowing that being active in this community having continuous sessions is starting to give me a little boost. Also my current work pays better than my last one. Thankfully. And I managed to keep myself being punctual recently. I'll try my best to keep it up. I'll work hard to get back my motivation again, bit by bit. And then take the next step and the next. I already got the tools to deal with the cravings. Now I just need to use them efficiently. BTW, I love you guys and I'm proud of everyone who is in this community and in this journey. I'll keep you updated. Hugs.
