Day 7. Relationship trouble getting me down and I've had some urges today but I'm getting pretty good at the self-talk thing, I like to think, so I feel alright.
This is it ... I'm going to start the 90 day challenge ... I just relapsed ... But after a month ... I hope I get through this..... I'm so angry at myself
92 days my brothers Here´s a very important excerpt from "rebooting as the best remedy". have a nice day my brothers. love you all "Many people ask the question of whether asceticism is harmful. Rookies especially would ask this question. My answer is the asceticism is harmless, if it is harmful then wouldn’t that mean all monks are unhealthy? The reality is that many monks live up to 100 years and beyond. Master Hsu Yun lived 120 years, Master Benhuan reached the age of 106 years, in the Buddhist school, there are many cases of longevity. Therefore, the notion that asceticism is harmful to the body is sheer nonsense. There is only one scenario that would make asceticism harmful, and that is when the cultivation of heart/mind is inadequate and sexual fantasizing occurs daily with the urge to masturbate but one does not dare to act upon it, the continuous restrainment in this manner would possibly give rise to problems. If the cultivation is adequate then self-restraint is harmless. I would like to add a point and that is the harmfulness of sexual fantasizing. Many rookies would ask: if fantasizing without masturbation count as breaking the reboot and whether or not it’s harmful? Actually, sexual fantasizing seriously depletes the body, even more serious than masturbation itself. This is clearly treated in Tradicional Chinese Medicine. Many brothers discover that their spirit/manner is depressed after looking themselves in the mirror following sexual fantasies. In TCM this is called: essence leaves when the mind wanders. As long as we engage in sexual fantasization, essence will automatically leave us. Masturbation is the visible form of depletion while sexual fantasization is the invisible form, the invisible being the more serious form. Hopefully all brothers would deeply recognize what has been said and increase their rebooting studies, intensify the heart/mind cultivation and cut out all sexual fantasies; cut out the thought once it has arisen, an arisen thought should not be followed, the mind being immediately aware of new thoughts and the ceasing of the thought once the mind is aware of it."
Day 1. I feel some kind of chaser effect or chasing thoughts after I relapsed yesterday. However I understand them. And I know that right now it is easier to relapse than when having left behind a certain number of clean days or when simply being fadigued. I know that the thoughts about relapsing again are stronger than usual thoughts because they are sexually charged and on top of that I am single. So basically in some cases the longing for PMO is to "fill" that gap. I can tell, because when I tell myself, I want to quit this once and for all and become a better person and actually build a real healthy life and relationship, the sexual thoughts become ugly and sad. And I am not willing to continue in this place. I want to get out of this addiction and this rut as soon as possible. Everytime I do PMO I disgrace my own body, my dignity, my pride and the people around me. And I want to respect and love myself,my goals and dreams. Here we go again. I will keep writing here, as it helps me organize my thoughts. Usually my thoughts get a little weaker after a relapse, so I just repeat the process and apply the changes. Much blessings.
Day 21/90 No PM (ends May 10) Day 402 attempting this challenge Day 137 weight training (M, W, F) Lifestyle: reduced caffeine, desserts and alcohol - missed yesterday.
4/90 -tempted, able to nip it in the bud right at the fraction of the second before it grew fast and exponentially; hoping & praying for the same resolve next time it hits.
day 1, back on the track. I felt bad, not for relapsing on day 21 but for relapsing after telling you the challenges of my life connected to porn watching. It should have motivated me...