Free Your Mind

Hello, first of all I apologise for grammar mistakes because English language is secondary language.This is going to be a long one so be prepared. I will not share a background since I don't want you to feel that mine isn't similar to yours and disown it from the beginning.But I am a young scientist beginning of his 20's and someone who wants a legitable future. When it comes to addiction, there is no exception for age,ethnicity,culture and other differences which these diversity is completly normal to have among people.

Let's start with the addiction itself. We and most mammals have similar circutory reward systems which are consisting of search,find, consume, repeat. I don't know if you know or accept the theory of evolution but I will mention some of the new world monkeys which are accepted as our ancestor by science.

When Ape like humans started to walk on their two legs, they had their hands free and begin to use their hands for making tools, primitive weaponary and communication. Since they lived in savannahs, there were too many predatory threats and they developed a new collective mind just like in some insects which they give every individual a job in community and trust others to fill their part and you do yours.And this new order gave them satisfaction for both saving energy with less work to do and enjoyment that comes by having a role in their community. This feeling become so strong that everyone came later felt that urge to SHARE!

We'll come back to that later. So now addiction... We must distinguish the addictions comes from daily life like drinking, smoking or simply sharing good experiences with SO from the destructive, deep addictions such as we have here as porn addiction.
It doesn't matter what kind of porn or fetish we hooked ourselves by our own hands. There is something inside you that waiting to be saved, freed, feel normal that. You can call it survival instinct, God or whatever you believe to be.BUT IT IS THERE!!!
Let's look at what kind of feeling I am talking about and I am gonna try visualize it for you. When you are exhausted of swimming exercise and now you can't even keep your head above the water. But you are stubborn and you will not give up so easily. You try a little more but you are suddenly under the water and it becomes your reality so fast you realize the fact that Death has come for you. Now feel the urge in your lungs to breath just a little bit air. Think about what you would give away just to inhale once, only once. Some seconds later you gave up and embrace the upcoming disaster.The moment YOU LET GO and relax,you begin to realize that you are rising and start floating ABOVE the water.Only thing you had to do was letting go and let yourself float from the beginning.
But no my friend, this is not your story and you can't get away with just letting it go.

Your story is, you are in a swamp which is full of disgusting smells, buggy creatures and never ending dirt. You are middle of that swamp and only thing differentiate you from other addicts is that how deep you are in it. Just like the swamps we see in the movies that sucks people in and only way to free yourself is grabbing a rope or a branch of a tree. Among all these evil, THERE ARE branches that waiting for you.

As you are moving your body, you are likely to be sink deeper. First you need to STOP. STOP saying there is no harm watching porn, touching your penis, run wild in your fantasies. It all means you are MOVING and it is not the virtue you are looking for.
You must be dedicated or willing to embrace nofap lifestyle as you are in this site. Initiate the process of identifying your problems as you start on this journey. Begin to understand your thought patterns and what makes you lost your way. Your inner demons will be always there for you, they are the devils who wants to take control. Accept them as part of you and show yourself that even though you have such demons in your head, YOU CAN PREVAIL. It can seem impossible, irrational to take control and win; but you must remember that in the end those demons are nothing but YOU.

Think of an alcoholic who promised himself to stop drinking in the new year's eve. I will never drink again, never never never not in this new year. Brain starts to think, Oh you just said 1 year but it is actually 365 days, what I am going to do all this time? Boom! Stress hormones released, cravings pops up and you can't even be true to your word for one week. Well my friend you just rang the alarm bell by beating the drums while searching for fugitives, IT HEARS YOU COMING. What must be done is making an announcement without making an announcement to make an announcement. This is too deep in philosophy but you must understand that your subconcious catching these cues in your thoughts and acts upon them.YOU MUST FIGHT NONETHELESS !!

We must focus on surviving the day, hours , minutes and even seconds instead of making plans for longer timelines without having a proper mindset. As you fight, your neural pathways encounters such behavioral pathways that avoids their signals for their need of unending dopamine cycle and your brain starts to send out stressors. These stressors are nothing but to get you out of your new track because as you may know however we want to get the handcuffs off, our brain hates changes in the environment and resists it. So after fighting, you are creating a new neural pathways to help you deal with old and strong ones. Thats the ones you must be feeding. Get out of your comfort zone for the first time in your life and do something even tho it makes you uncomfortable.

Remember what I said about ape like humans? Well as they have much more free time ( I am talking about a process which takes hundreds of thousands of years.) Their brain evolved to such degree that beside hunting,mating,surviving; having a profession, being good at what you are doing, FEELING OF BEING WITH SOMEONE, YOUR SOULMATE AND IN SOMEWHERE started give them pleasure. And they had it simply living their life without an effort( Effort: External stimuli).

They including us destroyed it once we became teenagers and adults. We gave up our innocence to gossip, jealousy, not being good enough, profit of making money, doing drugs, smoking, drinking etc. Some of these or all of them became our reality as we grown up. ''We are not child anymore we can do whatever we please , I am a grown up now I can stand for myself, I have an addiction so what? That doesn't change anything. NO MY FRIEND SADLY YOU CAN'T DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! Because your addiction is not just the illness of the mind. It consumes your sexual energy, important vitamins, proteins and minerals and creates a version of a weak, powerless version of you. You need to find the balance within you to bring balance around. We must stop being the monkey in the jungle who craves for sex, stop being the rat who got addicted to cocaine and prefer it when given food. STOP BEING THE CREEPY BOY THAT GIRLS TALKS ABOUT HIS ED. STOP BEING THE WEIRDO WHO WANKS AWAY HIS TROUBLES.

All you need to do is looking up. There are branches reaching out to you. You can call them your Virtious habits, Significant Ones, Studying, Reading, Exercise plans so on and forth. Even tho you might think " Oh I already have these branches on my hand"; Well my friend, grabbing is not enough, you must pull yourself up and it requires strength. This strength comes from your mind. However your mind may be weak, disoriented and lost. You will need to make them stronger first and to do this you must have see those branches clearly. If PMO has its vicious cycle, we have ours! Longer you try to attain such new good habits much more easily you will see those branches and they become more handy. They will become a part of you, a NEW YOU!!!

I suggest listening Alan Watts who explains pretty interesting things about us and the way we see the world. Read about other addictions, try to understand thinking patterns of an addicted mind. Remember I mentioned apes before? Well those sense of being a part of the society is still in us. As we fed our porn addiction we became numb, irresponsive to our nature. We must reconnect with people, learn to establish new mindset towards women. Most importantly GET OUT OF THE SWAMP AND LIVE YOUR LIFE AGAIN JUST LIKE WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD AND EVERYTHING SEEMED PERFECT.

Thank you for reading and wishing all of you good luck!

 

It feels great to read positive feedbacks, thank you all!!! I will update and edit the story when I finished with my study.