Checking in. The hard days seem over, I'm enjoying being myself, not without difficulties, but this time I embrace the, instead of fighting them. I want to grow as a human being, and fears could be extremely helpful in identifying where acceptance and love is needed. Take care everyone.
Thanks everybody okay I'm putting you in my prayers right now Angels on the head of every single person in the nofap just doing the best they can.... Okay. I did one meditation today and I did review my yellow book of 20 years of fuckups which really helps me.... and then I will review the yellow book after work tonight and then I'll go to bed.... Maybe a little meditation, but very little reading it has already been a long day.... Thx
Day 1 - I canceled my internet, and in the next 24hr, the internet will be shut down. This is good, I'm excited because I'll kill the virtual triggers, except for the fact that I'll keep using the internet in the library. Guys I'm VERY ambitious, but to be honest, my biggest dream right now is to be 100% free from porn addiction.
Day 18 in the list!! It was food I was hit by a brain fog was unable to focus on my study but I survived it fighted, and after a long break finally continued my work. I learned that all these urges and bad feelings are just temporary whose whole sole purpose is to make me feel bad and get me relapsed.
In the past 112 days I have: * PMO'd 7 times but not fully relapsed * MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed * Averaging 16 days on strict PMO nofap * 3 days straight nofap streak so far
Today is Day 1 . I’m excited , feeling horny already but I’m just going to allow myself to be experience this feeling without acting on it
Day 19 in the list!! It was good today I completed my work but feeling irritated currently but I will overcome it.
Day 55 #total_new_habits = 8 #days_of_new_habits = 26/40 The hidden voice and my obsession ====================== For few days, I am experiencing an obsession about someone .. she is a close relative of mine .. and it is not morally expected from me to have such obsession towards her at all .. I thought about writing about it or not .. There are two perspectives on that matter .. either you stay silent and resist the temptations until they are gone .. or .. you talk about it and experience the pain that you have such feelings towards someone who sees you as a brother and a role model .. it is just sad to be like that really .. I need to realise sth very important before despair captures me .. the only thing that separates me from owning that feeling is acting on it .. fantasising about it .. letting my brain think about it freely .. or even worse .. acting on it .. I have to remember this .. stopping myself from any of these actions brings me enough honour and dignity inside of me that I can look at her peacefully without having any bad/corrupt emotions towards her .. I am better than this .. and I won't let that sick part take over .. that sick part is dying now and it just fighting over anything .. I have to remind myself .. refraining from addiction or any related behaviours constitute my dignity and the respect I owe to myself .. all this respect dissolves once I act on it .. and then I got filled by despair from my condition .. here is what I can do about this .. no one can make me do sth I do not want .. whether this one is a person or a voice inside of me .. I am free .. and I respect my freedom .. I will not do anything that leads to taking my freedom away from me and be captured in emotional swings and obsessions .. this is a prison .. and I will not enter it willingly never .. over my dead body .. no .. over my soul .. I am not going to do it .. it is done for me .. I am different .. period # Refraining_is_my_dignity "Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair" [/QUOTE]
Killing your internet is so excellent as a control measure... If I had not had free access to high-speed internet for 10 years I would have been so much better