35 and older accountability, Group 2

thank you for sharing about your gratitude and peacefulness, it is reminding me to take the time to fill out my journal too, I just bought 0one fo this purpose.

 

feeling a new chang coming to my career, I am feeling called to step up my services and launch a new way to serve. looking forward to see what unfolds.

I feel motivated to become more discipline with my sleep routine and rise earlier and have more silence time. Booked 3 days off for xmas to be quiet and reflective. booking a trip to get away for jan with gf family.

Noticing girls every where (i live in a tropical city most people are in bikinis and shorts and beach town) but no longer the mind has the ability to totally take over and i am now able to use those moments as reminds to pray and remember the Peacefulness in being with my self in stillness and inner peace and seeing them as divine beings and spiritual.

 

[QUOTE="@I-Y-T You’ve got some professionals to talk to about the suicidal thoughts, I hope? [/QUOTE]

I'm good mate, there's no intention behind the thoughts, they just are what they are - but thanks

 

[QUOTE="@I-Y-T I battled suicidal thoughts for over two decades. Life gets a lot better if we commit to improving our life. Since I quit alcohol and have been trying to stop PMO, my life has gotten better. It’s given me the space to explore more intimate platonic friendships, meditation, different spiritual paths, exercise. Keep building the life you want. Keep exploring what you brings you safe and healthy joy. The world is better for you in it.[/QUOTE]
Agreed. I ripped everything up and am starting again, i have every belief that the discomfort I'm in will disipate over time as i rebuild my life in a way that is true to me

 

Keeping it together, feeling strong despite this: Idiot roofers took the tiles off the house on Wednesday, claimed the city inspector cancelled inspection on Friday, then did quarter-assed job of putting tarps on the exposed roof. It rained all last night and this morning. Leaks everywhere, lots of dyrwall will need to be replaced, some floors damaged. Damp and mold smell throughout the house.

 

This is a definite WTF moment, but I’m here to remind you that you will get through this and life will carry on. You don’t need porn to get through this.

 

You are right, thank you!

 

Thanks for all your support and timely tips. I surely enjoy the result of it. Nofap is become more and more natural in these 90 odd days...I wish someday I don't have to think of these numbers anymore ...

 

Checking in. Almost gave in to taking a look at some P-subs last night. I had a couple of beers, telling myself that it was Ok considering the ridiculous amount of stress the screw up by our roofing contractors put us under. I need to get to a place where I don't think about or turn to alcohol and P or P-subs in stressful situations. It wasn't willpower or commitment to staying clean that stopped me from looking last night, my wife walked into the room just as I was about to start. At least I closed the computer after she left.

Urges started last night and continue today. Trying to surf them and/or sit with them. So far so good.

 

I’m two days clean. I wanted to use last night, but the strange thing that happened during my binge on Monday was enough to scare me and I’m able to remind myself of that and that I don’t want to use PMO. I hope the fear of this scary incident can continue to motivate me.

 

Hello with a quick check in...

In December I haven't had PMO so far but I have had P sub MO so it isn't ideal. I'm trying to go this month with no PMO and in future months, also with no P sub MO.

I'm encouraged by the progress I'm seeing from others in the group.

I can never give up at this.

 

Urges scale: 2.5 (1-6, 6 being most intense)

Doing Ok despite all the holes in our walls and ceilings and industrial fans going 24/7. Trying to moderate my anger, especially when talking with my wife. She has nothing to do with the contractor situation, although we've always had difficulty communicating around home repairs, projects, etc.

I have to remember that giving in to urges is never as good as I think it's going be. The way I feel afterwards is always way worse than I think it's going feel. And that even a peek at P-subs almost always leads to P and relapse.

 

My quick check-in. The news is in: the biopsy for my wife was negative—all is well. Thanks for the support and prayers. Mentally, I’ve been in a cloud the last few days. Being sick always throws me off. I’m riding it out and staying vigilant, though, and for that I’m grateful.

@RightEffort Living in bikini town would be a unique challenge to overcome. Just being around all the normally clothed moms in my parenting circles is difficult enough. I’m going to try this technique of using these moment to go back to thinking about the what’s important.

@I-Y-T Hope like this has been critical for me with my mental issues with not letting go of old hurts.

@flyswat I’m truly sorry about the roof. Stuff happening in and around my home drives me batshit, especially when others are at fault. Tests the very foundation of any recovery I might have going. That strength you feel “despite” it is inspiring, and like @ANewFocus said, you got, this brother.

@LotusPbraun Way to go with 90 days!!

@nonfap Yes to “never give up.

Thanks for all your examples this morning. I’ll keep the prayers going, and I’ll see you next week!

 

Thank you brother! I always look forward to your encouraging posts to the community.

 

So happy to hear about your wife's results, that is huge!

 

Have had first urges in a while this week. Might be to do with hitting 90 days, a little mental tick that my challenge is complete so there's a bit of me thinking what's the harm... i'm going to stay centered and not act on those thoughts. I am stronger than them. The feeling that i'm not stronger than them will pass.

What's not helping is the weather, it snowed and has been below freezing all week. Everything take longer to do. Trying to take my frustrations in my stride instead of letting them get to me. Acceptance is my focus going into the new year, I don't want to be a man baby when small things set me back anymore.

Also, sick with a nasty cough and sore throat. Quality sleep, healthly diet and routine out the window as a result. Interestingly, in the past I think I would have sought female sympathy for being ill but am feeling content retreating by myself til i feel better on this occasion. Retaining is really helping me man up.

Been very aware of two women at the gym this week. trying not to objectify them, and looking forward to getting to know them a little more in the coming weeks if i have the chance

 

likewise

 

I'm having my first strong urges for a while and am going to remember this, thank you