35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Nash78

    Nash78 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for responding. Yes, I thought that as well too. I was wondering how long these side effects could go on. I already have 90 days nofap under my belt, but it comes back in every cycle. Seriously, I just want to leave everything behind and become a monk. Nothing passionate me much. Earlier, I was wasting my time in doing fapping. Now, I am wasting my time dealing with the side effects of nofap. Is there something which I could do and have a better life? I am very low on confidence as well because my work is some source of confidence in which I can’t concentrate anymore. I am failing in every aspect of my life right now. I hoped things would be better in 2021, but still waiting for life to get on track. It’s just unfortunate.
     
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  2. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Quick check in. I'm getting quite successful in resisting my urges to peek. Right now what I do is that as soon as I feel an urge, I take a minute and have a rational discussion with myself: okay, I could peek now, but where would that peeking take me? And then I try not to see peeking as some inherently evil thing that I must stay away from at all costs - because then it becomes this forbidden thing that is appealing exactly because it's forbidden. Instead I tell myself: sure, I can do that, if I can convince myself with rational arguments that it's a good idea to do that. And then I find I never have a good reason to do it, so I don't do it.

    This works well for me now, but it requires attention and mindfulness and I really have to take time for it. I know that as soon as I fall back to acting from impulse and habit, I'll wanna go back to peeking. So I try to train myself to make all my choices more deliberate.

    I didn't feel the need to M for almost a week now, so I might go back to excluding M entirely again, but right now I wanna keep that as a fallback option for myself. Let's see how it goes.
     
  3. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I've felt this as well. I welcomed it as it made abstinence much easier. Better to feel nothing than to be racked by lust, give in and feel terrible. Feeling nothing is better than fighting urges, eventually giving in and feeling bad.

    My triggers most recently have been stress and despair, both of which i have created in my mind. I must realize often that God is giving me these opportunities that i may grow. How i handle these challenges and prevail is a testament to His strength and a measure of the Grace i have allowed myself to receive.
     
  4. ssmike100

    ssmike100 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you
     
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  5. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Good that you stay clean. I too have found that I go through periods of low motivation, depression, and feelings of despair. It's hard to tell if it is from nofap or the general state of the world - the pandemic. Wait a few days and things will change - it did for me. One time I spent a couple of days out walking in nature and that really helped. I've been tempted to go full PMO but avoid that and I know I feel better without it. Stay strong.
     
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  6. Nash78

    Nash78 Fapstronaut

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  7. Nash78

    Nash78 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks.
     
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  8. Nash78

    Nash78 Fapstronaut

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    Hi friends, I have been a little down and depressed these days. Thank you for encouraging and supporting messages from @artifact, @tonyk1982 and @Jerky. I have been thinking about my situation. I realized that I am not at the good place professionally and in my personal life. I am 42 years old, and nothing seems to work for me. I am also worried about my future because of my age, not able to progress in my career and personal life. I have made some very stupid choices in life and didn’t take some things in life seriously. I have been very ambitious and never thought that I would be at this level at this age. Probably, I just procrastinated all my life and hid my failure and frustration behind fapping. Of course fapping never improved anything. Now, whenever I am away from fapping, those frustrations and reality of my life comes back and bite me in my a**. I think this is not fault of nofap what I am experiencing but fault lies in me. I would continue to improve on myself and would just pray that things will be better for me. Thank you all for your support.
     
  9. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    This is a sad day. @GottaBFree you're a good dude, It's shame you're thinking of leaving mate.

    I hope you'll reconsider this.
     
  10. Yes, we have been hemorrhaging members lately. GottaBFree has been in the group since almost the beginning but I understand his frustrations and wanting to take a break.
     
  11. In the 12-step recovery group I used to go to long ago, they used to say when you remove your DOC (drug of choice) from your life, a side effect of recovery is that you begin to experience all kinds of strong emotions, some of them not pleasant (feeling like a failure, directionless and other things). This is because most addicts used their DOC (M and P in our cases) to escape unpleasant thoughts and emotions. All this means is that we have to figure out how deal with these unpleasant feelings (some of them may be false beliefs rooted in childhood experiences) without destroying ourselves with porn, drugs, etc. I read a book by Dr. Phil called Self Matters that was extremely helpful in this regard.
     
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  12. OK, that's no problem. You are always welcome here, of course.
     
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  13. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    I think it's what @artifact also said: we use our addiction to run away from uncomfortable stuff. Then when we go clean, that uncomfortable stuff is inescapable and it's time to come up with some real solutions. This the hard part, but also the most important one.
     
  14. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Well, everyone who has been saying that not M'ing is essential might be right after all, because I relapsed yesterday after what was supposed to be some stimulation-free M'ing turned into an extended session of reading erotic stories and watching some videos. My goal was to stop watching erotic content, so that's a clear violation. Perhaps I have to go back to rule out M as well. I'm gonna think about it. The key, I think, is fantasy. M always comes with some kind of fantasy, I guess, and in my case the stuff I fantasize about is still very much influenced by my P-history rather than by my own real sexual desires. So that's gonna take a while to untangle still.
     
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  15. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Thanks @JJ_Kino and @artifact

    I had a good day and got back on track. I'll officially ask for a spot back soon, I just want it to mean something and I feel I need to clear my head.

    Silly but it seems like I've got to try something a little new.
     
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  16. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Cravings today but that's ok. I'd rather be salivating mentally then giving in physically. At least the party in my mind wont end in shame and despair with no energy. It just goes on and on and on and on.

    I will use my cravings to fuel the fire of determination. I did this last time and it allowed me to get close to 90. Not sure if this is a good idea but fighting urges always leads to giving in under pressure.
     
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  17. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I see the addiction today. Same as alcohol or other drugs. When those urges creep in, i am given strength to say no to them.

    Why can't the same be done in every area of my life? Just say no.

    It is that simple. If i can say no to one substance, i can say no to all substances. P is just another substance. So is M.

    O is the 'crack' of sin, in my opinion.

    I will not use crack today!

    Amen
     
  18. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    @artifact I've been following the group for a while and if the group needs members I will join.
     
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  19. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    You need that balance, you'll find it. I wish you the best bro, looking forward to seeing you back soon.

    God bless
     
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  20. NICEDUDE

    NICEDUDE Fapstronaut

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    @JJ_Kino
    Hey you are on day 17! Remarkable effort and stay strong!
     

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