35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Inkazak

    Inkazak Fapstronaut

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    "I have read the rules and would like to join this group” I am brand new here so i am not sure if I have my stats right. I have not M to the point of O for two days...but i have viewed porn and self stimulated. My partner always says yes to sex, so I have little excuse to do this.
     
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  2. Those are some great observations. I think self-acceptance is one of the main keys to dealing with this problem. For years I hated myself when I relapsed and the feelings of shame drove my addiction. Now I have learned to forgive myself in those situations, and try to be aware of how many others are experiencing the same struggle and this has allowed me to at least make a little bit of progress.

    Love that profile picture, by the way.
     
  3. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    Been tossing and turning in bed for about 90 minutes, so I got up to share that I am struggling. I haven't viewed any porn and refuse to touch myself, but that isn't making getting to sleep any easier.
     
  4. Welcome to the group, @Inkazak . You have been added to the member ranking.
     
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  5. Inkazak

    Inkazak Fapstronaut

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    Thank you ! I think I’m going to do great!
     
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  6. NICEDUDE

    NICEDUDE Fapstronaut

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    Insightful! Our negative surroundings can never dampen our spirit. We will make our own assessment and will not get influenced by the opinion of others.
     
  7. EcoMunchies

    EcoMunchies Fapstronaut

    Well, I’m back from my holiday, and managed to keep myself safe throughout that. But first day back at work, following a major disagreement with my OH, I’ve slipped and fallen. Sorry to say and hard to admit. I had been doing so well (in my view) and made it to 67 days this time.
    But, too long away from medidation, too long away from really using this site, and too much stress today. I know the triggers, I know the solution. I had been drawn into P-Subs and was fighting those, but the issue with my OH today, really pushed me over the edge. I needed to get up and move away, but didn’t.
    Sorry to admit that I didn’t manage to make my target of 90 days this time. I will make it, if not this time, then next!
     
  8. eddy23

    eddy23 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in sober. Day 3.
     
  9. Checking in for today.

    Yesterday was okay but had some urges in the evening. I’ve been letting someone from my past get in my head again. I’ve wanted to reply to her messages and say my piece but doing that has never helped; all it has done is show her she still has access to me. My silence will say more than my words ever could because silence is different. Silence is change.

    I’ve also notice lately an anxiety about work, which is odd. For some reason my job now makes me anxious. I can’t pinpoint the “why” as of right now.

    The other thing on my mind is my weight. Ive been fighting this battle for a while now and I was doing great up until this stall. Lately I just feel drained and hopeless. I have the time to go to the gym but I never do it. I think I rely too much on motivation. I’m starting to see I have a lot of work to do in the discipline department not just for pmo but for health and finance as well.
     
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  10. Circleinthesquare

    Circleinthesquare Fapstronaut

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    Back once again its the renegade master, d for damager power to the people
    checking in after a stupid few days
     
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  11. Inkazak

    Inkazak Fapstronaut

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    Alright - it’s evening ish here and ill be busy at. Work for the rest of the night. If i do not view porn, it will be the first day in along time that i have not. I am definitely hornier - which i like - and my wife will be back tomorrow. My goal is to stop PMO not to stop orgasming. So i am hoping that my romantic time with my wife tomorrow will be great because of the past 4 days without orgasming (i watched porn the first few days and edged a bit - but no orgasm) today i resolved to not watch porn and not edge. I have rubbed my dick against the bed when i was laying down, but stopped within seconds. So this is going great actually! I feel great and more creative and less grumpy :)
     
  12. Oscarito

    Oscarito Fapstronaut

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    Just a quick drop by to check in and grab some inspiration.
     
  13. WOW. This attempt is proving harder than I've ever experienced. The first 2-3-4 weeks I'm super motivated. Thoughts get knocked out of my mind instantly. But this go around........ vivid dreams, triggers coming out of left field that I can't avoid (work, old contacts popping up in my life, just things you wouldn't reasonably expect). Only 2 days down. Going to stay busy tonight with work I brought home for the sole purpose of keeping occupied. I will make it 3 days in the bucket tomorrow.
     
  14. I’m having lots of urges right now, at work, which brings me back to my previous post. Now that I’m back, after a week away, I realized the cause for my anxiety. It’s because they’re trying to pile on the stress of other departments onto my department without, of course, increasing our wages to reflect the new work load and responsibilities; I know, surprise surfuckingprise.

    The triggers I’m noticing right now are anger (over something I can’t control) and the desire to escape what I can’t control. My God, I’m a control freak! Lmao!
     
  15. Inkazak

    Inkazak Fapstronaut

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    Well I made it 24 with no porn - honestly easy af. Not touching my dick? Fail? But not edging to the point of blue balls - just a bit more than adjusting. And in prone position. A little humping (maybe a minute or so) it’s almost like the second I feel any sensation in my penis I feel like I need to respond to it. Wife is back tomorrow - I have sometimes masturbated with in a few hours after sex in order to feel that full release I’m used to with pmo. So goal is to continue to avoid PMO, decrease self stimulation and to enjoy sex with my wife without looking for it to be the same as prone masturbation.

    Oh also I was extraordinarily aroused while struggling to jimmy my door open after the lock mechanism failed. Weird
     
  16. EcoMunchies

    EcoMunchies Fapstronaut

    Yesterday was quite a downer for me. I broke my 67 day streak, with a few minutes of carelessness. Well, in fact that’s probably not completely accurate. I’d been on holiday for the last 3 weeks, back in my home country, and hadn’t been meditating regularly, and had a bit more time on my hands. I had started to look at P-subs after too much rejection from my OH. It started gently and by the time I was back home, back on the treadmill of work, life and stress, and combined with arguments with my OH (about the fact that I’d prefer to live in my home country, and general rejection feelings) I was wanting more. I needed more to escape the reality that I was in.
    It would have been simple to get up and move away. But, I didn’t. I was kicking myself straight away, that I had let the streak and recovery and people here down.
    Thanks to some here that have said that I haven't really lost all the gains on the recovery to date. I hope you’re right. Today, I feel like shit and really want to get back to the 60 day feeling.
    I am worried that my brain will want to head down some destructive sexual paths if the rejection and general state of relations with my OH continue the way they are. These aren’t good for my recovery, or for any chance of really solving issues with my OH. Although, I do feel that the marriage is very weak at present, and not due to P or PMO. Which is a good thing (I’m still looking for silver linings!)
    Now, I don’t want this post to be another of the “oh no, I’ve relapsed again” type posts. I want this to be about what I’ve learnt, and what I will have to do to change, to beat this addiction. So here’s the learnings:
    1. NoFap is awesome, the gains from it are great. I am really glad to have started the journey
    2. Identification of the triggers in my life that lead to P
    3. Ability to question my own brain, it isn’t always doing what is right for me
    4. Identification of the damage and harm that P and the whole P industry does to me and others
    5. Meditation can give me the dopamine fix I’m looking for, and improve other areas of my life.
    What I need to work on:
    1. Recognising the urge, hook, trigger that sends me into a habitual tendency to want P or Sex.
    2. Getting unhooked from this urge, hook, trigger, by recognising the moment of unease and learning to relax in that moment
    3. Avoiding being hooked into P-subs.
    4. Finding other ways to deal with the desire to escape my reality - that is where getting unhooked comes in, meditation and other releases of energy or distraction.
    First steps, meditation is back on a regular schedule of twice a day. Followed by more reading into OSHO and into Buddhist Wisdom for Our Time. The last one there may sound a bit strange, but it came straight out of the Daily Calm for 30 April. Today’s Daily Calm was on Shenpa, the hook. It really was timely and insightful, and straight after the session I googled Shenpa and found the article that inspired the Daily Calm session. It is here: www.lionsroar.com/how-we-get-hooked-shenpa-and-how-we-get-unhooked/. It is an insightful article, and has inspired me to read more from this site, or find suitable podcasts to further my learning.
     
  17. 127 days check in...I am rejoicing because it truly gets better. I have had sex a couple of times and the experience has been truly fulfilling, no fears of not performing, and quiet intimate, no negative emotions, just passion and connection.
     

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