I think many, if not most people on this forum have this subconscious idea back in their heads that they are going for X days but will eventually go back to P again when they feel that they've "accomplished their goal". And I am very aware of that little devil in my own head because I'm slowly choking it to death with facts. This toxic idea is there because you don't realise what you are doing this for. P is killing you, your time, your golden opportunities in your LIFE. It's literally slowly destroying your brain. IF you go back to that old self it will hit you hard and you will feel like shit. No matter the lies your brain tries to tell you. If you go back it will be like 150 mph into a concrete wall. It's the rubber band effect. The further you pull away from P and fall back again, the harder it will hit you. It's just a matter of how much you want to beat your self up before you realise there's no other way to go but forward. Do this again and maybe you're so drained, weakened and beaten down that you can't function anymore. Maybe suicide is the result. But I know something better, how about not doing it and instead fight your obstacles like a tough warrior? You have no one to impress but yourself. It's only about you. This is serious stuff. You can't do this anymore. You are forced to change. You have to walk the path that awaits you. It will be tough from time to time but that's life. If your legs can barely carry you let your spirit guide you forward. It's better to feel bad while going through a massive change of heart than to be completely miserable having let yourself down for an unsustainably short pleasure that ultimately just made you feel shit. This is a choice you've made and you've made it for life. A choice to become the best version of yourself and it can only get better if you walk the path ahead of you.