Day 143 Met my girl a bit earlier yesterday so we would have more time. We had a great time, but also spoke through some tough things. After we had the difficult talks we were intimate. Not too long, as we still had to cook Work-out: day 37 Did my scheduled run. Was a bit tough on my knees, but I enjoyed it. Didn't do the dumbbell workout anymore yesterday and haven't done push ups for a while. Not doing the workout was chosen, but not doing push-ups wasn't. Feel like I need to build up my habit of doing push-ups some more. Walk: day 43 Took a small evening stroll with my girl. Screentime: day 43 Spent 17 minutes on Netflix, 20 minutes on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 50 minutes on the Internet (this was part 2 of the Earl Grey Loaf recipe of 2 days ago). Communication: day 40 It's important to not see the other one as an enemy. In the heat of the moment, I can be quite rigid and demanding. The moment I become that is the moment that I think that I need to stop being a pushover. This isn't fun for anybody, because I then think that my girl tries to change my mind in something that I have decided to pursue. This results me in being adamant and unyielding. It's also not fair to my girl. Meditation: day 133 I meditated for 30 minutes. 2 sessions. First session started in my reading room. PMO Study: day 143 I read in Your Brain On Porn about Sexual Conditioning in Adolescence. P addiction usually starts with ignorance about the effects of P use, and that telling adolescents that p isn't real will do the trick. When we see something, we are unconsciously learning all the time. When viewing P, our brain actually tells us that this is how it should be. Our brain also tells us that the weird fetishes we enjoy are normal, because it arouses us. However, this is not the case at all. When we have a long enough streak without p, our senses turn back to normal. Sleep: day 10 Slept well and on time, but I had some trouble waking up. No carbs: day 0 I ate ice cream and it was worth it. Trying to decide how I will structure my habit around eating/not eating carbs and especially sugar. Cold showers: day 43 Realized that I feel more resistance lately to the cold shower. I think that I will start with a bit warmer water and turn down the heat gradually.
Day 144 Spent yesterday reading and cleaning my house. Always had difficulty with cleaning my house thoroughly, but after reading Atomic Habits something clicked. I've been building cleaning habits on other habits and it worked really well. Work-out: day 37 Did my dumbbell workout. Also scheduled to go out for a mountainbike ride, but I had a meeting in the evening and I couldn't fit it in my head anymore without feeling stressed. Walk: day 44 I took my evening stroll after coming back from my meeting. Screentime: day 44 Spent 1 hour on Netflix, 1:22 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 21 minutes on the Internet. Communication: day 41 It was a good and lovely day with loving words. Meditation: day 134 I meditated for 30 minutes. 2 sessions. First session started in my reading room. PMO Study: day 144 "The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom" - William Blake. This is the opening quote of a chapter in Your Brain On Porn. This chapter is all about regaining control after finding out you've lost control to PMO. In the reboot that we are going through, we learn self restraint and mindfulness in one of the most primal forces that run through us. Instead of acting on impulse, we create a barrier between PMO and us that allows us to live life more fully. There is a quote here on a NoFap that I had to think of and I feel it's really applicable : "Am I going to do PMO or am I going to enjoy all else life has to offer?" Sleep: day 11 Slept a bit later, but I feel well. No carbs: day 2 No carbs and no sugar yesterday. Some relatively clean meals with meat and veggies. Cold showers: day 44 The transition from lukewarm water to cold helps me a lot. In this way, I overcome my resistance for cold water and actually make it into a game
Hello Bois! I am back. Unfortunately I relapsed two months ago, which is sad, cuz I really wanted to keep 2023 clean. Trying to get back on the horse!
Day 31 Here are the results of my habit tracker last week: 13 meditation sessions of minimum 20 minutes, Logged in to my business account every day and did nothing more, I completed a successful fast every day with the shortest one being 12 hours and the longest one 20 hours. I started the week at 115.5kg. My target weight were 113kg. I finished the week at 112.2kg. I worked out 5 times. I walked approximately 80,000 steps. Overshot my target by over 3x. I read at least 1 page in a book every day. I spent 7 hours learning Spanish. I did some chores every day. Even just taking the dishes qualifies. I skipped my daily energy drinks twice. My goal is to stop taking them. I spent around 16 hours on my phone which is too much. I am working on reducing it. My goals this week is to increase the difficulty. I will log into my business account and work on my business idea for at least 15 minutes. I work until I get tired and will not allow myself to work for hours. My goal is to reach a weight of 111kg this week. I am at a little under 1kg a week on average so far but after I started tracking it, it seems to go faster. Maybe I will get more ambitious if I overshoot my goal again this week. Walking a lot seems to do the trick. I will read at least 5 pages a day. Walk minimum 30,000 steps, spend minimum 15 minutes a day on chores and track time spent. Edit: I reset my sugar tracker today. I was at 30 days. I have been really wanting a soft drink since yesterday. It is no biggie. It was a small one. I was surprised to see that my sugar counter went all the way to 30 days. I havent looked at it until now.
Haha yea but again a lot of that is water, in reality I lost probably 4-5lbs. But still making progress! Feels great honestly. Doesn't feel great in the gym though. And even though I'm dieting I can barely get my breakfast down, I had to stop and take a break halfway through, even though it's only like 400ish calories. Maybe it's all the fat from the eggs. Idk. Weird shit going on.
Aug 28: Day 60 A nice even number for today. Feeling quite stressed of this week. I've got an application that I need to have full drafted out by this Friday, and I've barely started. Certainly a lot of procrastination over the summer, I was also busy over the summer, and this application was the last thing I wanted to think about and now here I am paying the price. Today has been a decent day, working through a lot of admin studs, clearing up my to do list, old shit that didn't get dealt with a long time ago is now being dealt with. Slow going with getting a psychiatry appointment but should be able to talk to someone tomorrow hopefully. Goal is to clean house today, make my two meals, hit the gym, and work on the application. Lets make it happen.
Day 145 My father and my uncle came around to paint my house. I set out to care for them. Making sure they had enough to drink, eat and possibilities to talk. Challenging at first, but I think I managed. Spoke some moments through with my GF and she said that I can now feel how it is to experience what lack of communication feel like. Work-out: day 38 Went for a run. I set out to run 1 minute longer each week and yesterday I ran 17 minutes. Also did my dumbbell workout. All is different when my father is around, and I need to watch myself keeping up with my habits. Walk: day 45 I took my evening stroll at 9 pm. Screentime: day 45 Spent 1 hour on Netflix, 1:36 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 15 minutes on the Internet. Communication: day 42 My girl and I had some difficult conversations Saturday about me not feeling being taken seriously. She says I have an addict brain (which I do) , but every time she says that I feel dismissed in all the other things that I am. This made me withdraw last week and all of this hurt came out last Saturday. And yesterday she asked me whether that was happening again as I was relatively quiet. However, with managing my dad, I did not have the space to be mindful towards her needs. Meditation: day 135 I meditated for 48 minutes. 3 sessions. First session started in my reading room. PMO Study: day 145 I read in Your Brain On Porn. The writer writes about the effect of P on your viewing habits. When one escalates to other types genres of P, one might start to doubt their sexual orientation, resulting sometimes in HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Some fapstronauts may become so desperate that this happens that this makes them depressed or worse. The book luckily states that all the sexual preferences melt away after a long enough reboot. Sleep: day 12 Slept really early and still woke up tired. No carbs: day 3 Ate relatively clean yesterday. Notice that my meals are not really keto. Since I've blocked Google to limit my screentime, I also can't research anymore how to really eat keto. This sometimes makes going to the supermarket a drag. I am considering starting with a keto meal delivery plan again when I have more money. The delivery service brings you the recipes and ingredients and you can cook it. Cold showers: day 45 Still going strong
ADD all the way haha. The feeling of that stress after you have procrastinated is for me one of the worst feelings in the world, but I still do it. It sometimes helps me to do big things by the sheer stress involved. Good luck with it, because if you're anything like me that application will be done Thursday 11:59 PM.
Day 32 Classes starts up again in a week. I think I made it. I did the first month in total solitude. Soon I will have more opportunities to gain some traction in my social life. I have a couple friends from many years back which I need to make an effort to stay in touch with. I also need to make an effort to create new friendships. The last two days I have done a lot of chores. Today I cleaned my fridge. My apartment is almost perfectly presentable. I just need to get a few details here and there in order. Having a clean apartment really helps. It lifts a weight off my shoulder, I have more space. I can start inviting people over and even if I am just chatting with random strangers, I know that I could invite them home without being embarrassed. Meditated twice today for a total of a little over an hour. Read 20 pages. Worked 1 hour on my business. I have put together a perfect plan. I am going to work for minimum 15 minutes but for a maximum of 1 hour. If I hit my upper target for more than 1 week straight, I will allow myself to increase my ambition level. Worked out today. I was feeling a little weak. I will try again tomorrow but I might be a little over trained. I will go a little easier this week. I am planning on going to two events tomorrow. One planning meeting with the hiking group and a theme party at the club. I want to talk with as many people as possible at both events. I have joined the 100 cold approaches challenge thread. I started thinking about it a little today. I find it relatively easy to talk with people at day time events. I didnt feel too comfortable at the club last time around. But the most uncomfortable of them all is the idea of approaching strangers on the streets. It havent even struck me as an option. I will attempt it one of these days but it is a nerve wrecking thought.
Day 146 Painting part 2 ensued. Cared for my father and uncle and made sure that they had enough moments of rest and good food to eat to come through the day. My girl came early yesterday to spend time with my family. After my parents left, my girl and I were intimate. I was so sensitive that it took me a grand total of 3 minutes to O accidentally. I am usually able to feel it rise, but it came too close to the edge and it went over it very quickly. And I feel hungover from it. This feeling is very recognizable from my PMO days. When I woke up today, I felt like shit and in the past that would always make me O. This time I didn't and I also don't feel any other kind of chaser. Work-out: day 39 Did my dumbbell workout. Walk: day 46 My girl and I took an evening stroll Screentime: day 46 Spent 43 minutes on Netflix, 1:28 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 11 minutes on the Internet. Communication: day 43 We had a moment yesterday evening in which I was loitering before going into my evening meditation. I felt overwhelmed from the day and scrolled through our family app for some kind of relief. This is behavior that would be PMO some months ago. She knew that and she told me, but I couldn't tell her what I did as I was seized up. I felt defensive and irritable. We spoke it through, but that meant missing my bedtime. Meditation: day 136 I meditated for 45 minutes. 3 sessions. First session started in my reading room. PMO Study: day 146 I finished Atomic Habits and I feel like it should have been thousands of pages longer. The last few chapters were in my experience a bit of a letdown. You get all the tools and templates in the first chapters and the last few chapters more or less say that you shouldn't go overboard and always stay sensitive in your habits. Sleep: day 0 Went to bed late, as I brought back my girl late and had still things we needed to speak through. No carbs: day 0 Ate hamburgers and cookies yesterday. The cookies were really bad, as I got a crash and burn sensation which resulted in feeling incredibly bloated. Cold showers: day 46 No change, still going strong.
Day 147 I felt a bit flat yesterday. Like an uneventful day. Spoke with my girl and we had a very good talk about jobs and what I should direct my attention on at the moment. Woke up with MW. And I almost always do. It stayed a few minutes and went away again, but it came back a few minutes later. It was rather persistent, however it didn't give me any urge whatsoever. I think my life is just too full to allow any room to think and feel about p atm. Work-out: day 40 Did my workout and I continue to see muscle definition. My girl also says that she notices a change with some months ago. This is the power of a good habit. Walk: day 47 Took a nice evening stroll in the full moon. Luckily no vampires and werewolves around. Only some sporty kids playing basketball. Screentime: day 47 Spent 41 minutes on Netflix, 1:25 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 25 minutes on the Internet. Communication: day 44 We had loving communication and we could be open to one another. Meditation: day 137 I meditated for 45 minutes. 2 sessions. First session started in my reading room at 7 AM. PMO Study: day 147 I read about supernormal stimuli in s*xual conditioning. Our brains are wired to think that bigger is better. Not only in sex, but also in life itself. The funny thing is that this biological stimuli is not human-bound. Dutch researcher Nikolaas Tinbergen proved that all animals experience supernormal stimuli and are attracted to it. Beetles were mesmerized by the dimples of brown beer bottles, thinking it was the hottest female ever. Female birds struggled to sit on bigger eggs, leaving their own eggs to wither. As an animal, we are wired to think that bigger is better, but we humans have the choice to succumb to that or not. Sleep: day 1 Went to bed early as compensation for the day before. Feel rested. No sugar: day 1 Changed the name of this chapter back to No sugar. I see that that is already difficult enough. Carbs in general come when I have built a streak in not eating sugar. Yesterday went great in not eating sugar, as I filled myself up with walnuts and carrots. Cold showers: day 47 Going strong!
Day 148 Had some good talks with my girl about the addiction, but also about the behavior that this addiction has caused. Unconsciously, I've been using coping mechanisms to deal with my feelings of sadness and lack of emotional communication. These mechanisms can be becoming pleasing (despite of my own needs atm), being silent, becoming suddenly angry and saying yes immediately when someone asks me to help them. Good to see where they come from. Picked up my girl yesterday and we talked and were intimate. Luckily no PE this time. Work-out: day 41 Despite of my father being in my home yesterday, I managed to do most of my routine flawlessly. I also did my workout. Walk: day 48 After I brought my girl back, I took an evening stroll. Screentime: day 48 Spent 20 minutes on Netflix, 56 minutes on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 9 minutes on the Internet. Communication: day 45 We had good talks yesterday. At certain points I felt a bit under pressure, but it's good to see those things happening. Meditation: day 138 I meditated for 35 minutes. 3 sessions. First session started in my reading room at 7:10 AM. PMO Study: day 148 The supernormal stimuli I wrote about yesterday, are what p does to us. Because everything is bigger, better, more perfect and flashier, you're getting used to getting an erection from that and not from the real thing anymore. Your partner, who is not a p actress and has probably not nipped/tucked her body as such, is not as 'perfect' as the actresses in the films and seeing her might not cause an erection. As soon as you reboot and stop doing PMO for an extended amount of time, is it possible to regain s*xual stimulation from a single touch and be fully aroused when you are intimate with your partner. Sleep: day 0 Brought my girl back late. No sugar: day 2 In the face of all sugary goodness, I didn't succumb. My father and uncle had some cookies, and I had a carrot and some walnuts. Ofcourse they laughed at me, but I explained that I don't want to be dependent on sugar for the moment anymore. They understood it. Cold showers: day 48 Still strong!
Day 35 Been having some strong urges today and yesterday. My mindset have been slightly weaker but my strategies to avoid relapse are working still. I probably have to review them and see if I can strengthen my resolve once again. One theory I have is that it is correlated to school starting up again in 4 days. Somewhere deep in my psyche, I am afraid of success because more success leads to more responsibilities. The day I start school again marks a major milestone (It is on Tuesday). It means that I have made it almost 40 days in total solitude. Almost no socializing at all. It means that the worst part of this challenge is done. If I can stay clean with nothing going for me, then I can cope with any situation. The ultimate cure will be when I start connecting with people again and get new friends and eventually girlfriends.
Day 149 Had a quiet job day yesterday. Was trying to find my rhythm back, as my father and uncle have been here for 4 days. All the habits that I have built before were tested this week and I see that I need to think about some habits again, as they've left. Work-out: day 42 Did my dumbbell workout and have made the plan to run on Monday's and Friday's. However, I feel this pressure when going for a run on Friday, as I want to maintain my workday structure, but don't want to destroy my evening routine. I think I either need to do my run in the morning on Friday or do it on Saturday. Walk: day 49 Started early and had a nice evening stroll. Screentime: day 49 Spent 45 minutes on Netflix, 1:30 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 8 minutes on the Internet. Communication: day 46 Good communication yesterday, as I tried to take her along in my daily activities. Meditation: day 139 I meditated for 50 minutes. 2 sessions. First session started in my reading room at 7:15 AM. PMO Study: day 149 P use is a hell of our own making. It wires us for a shot of Dopamine that our brain craves, created by a loophole in our evolutionary equipment. We're not designed to consume endlessly, as our brain developed in a scarce environment. We're designed to get a shot of Dopamine when we have found a berry bush, or a deer or an attractive female, not by attending all-you-can-eat buffets, drinking Big Gulps and watching p all day. Our Dopamine is in hyperdrive and can only go into hypodrive after we're done. And as Andrew Huberman has said, when your Brain makes a lot of Dopamine, your baseline drops lower. This means that you need to feel more to get the same result. As someone with ADD, everything that creates a shot of Dopamine is addictive. I wasn't only addicted to P, but also watching YouTube and eating massive amounts of sugar. I was lucky to have grown up in a safe environment, but I don't know what would have happened to me if I would've been exposed to coke or heroine. Sleep: day 1 Had an early nighter. Slept like a King. Healthy eating: day 3 I gave myself a treat by having microwave pizza, a can of sodapop and a small cookie for dessert. Try to eat healthy during weekdays and avoid carbs as much as I can. I sometimes like to cheat and eat a pizza from the grocery store. Cold showers: day 49 I'm still doing it! Still don't like it, but it trains my willpower.
Good on ya mate! What I read gets most people is the solitude and feelings of loneliness. Don't really get what you mean with hardest part of this challenge, as in my mind this challenge has no end. It will be a lifelong challenge that will become easier over time. My sexual energy is not up for grabs. I think you should continue to monitor yourself when you go to school again. Keep your routine in check. Have friends and girlfriends, but stay true to what feels good for your life
The difference between this streak and previous ones is that my previous successes was correlating with me having a good social life and crushes. My best streak was 105 days. I was having summer classes at uni. We were out in the woods collecting insects and catching snakes. In the evenings we played volleyball and drank beer. I connected with many people during that time. I still have a few friends from then. I never managed to get a streak going without really having my social life sorted out before. That is why I think I am better equipped this time. I have been putting my head down and worked on improving little by little. Playing the long game even though I havent been seeing instant results. I have learned to cope with being alone. Today my urges got me out the door. I was white knuckling last night and meditated for 2 hours straight while listening to Eckhart Tolle on Youtube. I think I had an out of body experience but my mind couldn't grasp it so I don't remember much. I remember extreme fear when my consciousness started breaking out of my body. I was like "Wtf am I dying?!". Then I was among the stars, travelling trough space. Today I have been feeling the afterglow of that. I caught myself looking at a fly for probably 10 minutes today, just utterly fascinated. Colours seem a little brighter. I went to the gym today. I had a goal in mind to chat with 3 girls on my daily commute. Problem was that I was too early and almost no one were out. I missed out on two pretty obvious opportunities still. One girl was basically asking to be approached, reading a billboard next to the locker rooms. I almost stopped and talked with her but out of habit I walked past her. Same thing happened a little later. Two girls walked in front of me and was discussing politics. It was a topic I both like discussing and know a bit about. Again I just continued walking when I know that I could have said something over my shoulder and maybe got a good discussion (and possibly a number or two).
Day 36: Relapsed. I have been putting too much pressure on myself the last few days and didnt listen to the warning signs. I started beating myself up for not having the courage to start talking to complete strangers on the street. I allowed my mindset to gradually weaken over several days without doing anything to fix it. I will continue as if nothing happened. That is the best ay forward. Focus on continuing my self improvement journey and not cancel any plans in the upcoming days. I will print out a spreadsheet for September and do my best to only have this one down day this month. I will start taking cold showers daily as an extra measure. It probably also started getting to me that I just needed to stay clean for a few more days and I would be okay. It isnt given that I get back up if I relapse. In hindsight it is easy to see my mistake but I did my best. This is my best streak all year and I need to make sure I keep up the good momentum. What I have learned trough resisting urges for a while is that urges wont kill me and that it is a signal from my body to get off my ass and start doing something about my situation. PMO addiction is just misdirected sexual energy. It can be used for so many other things. It has helped me in my spiritual practice, in my self confidence, productivity, desire to get stuff done, My ambition levels. There is a mental awareness event tomorrow. I should probably go. Sundays are pretty slow anyways and I need to stay busy.
