Accountability for All

[Deleted Account]

This week is going a bit better than I expected. I think my fat fetish is finally starting to go away. I've battled this thing since I was 5 years old and now I think nofap is actually starting to pay off for me. As long as I don't fantasize, seek out or even acknowledge it is there, it's honesty very controllable. However the female muscle fetish thing literally drains me every time I encounter it, even if it's on accident the damn thing literally drains me and I feel aches and pains everywhere. I encountered it in a newspaper while changing my parrots papers and it hurt like hell the second I saw it. Seeing commercials, magazines, even images of stuff like it on gym equipment boxes is enough to cause triggers even on accident. I also had this Monday by far the single worst morning wood in my life and I think a small wet dream too. I woke up earlier than usual like my last one, but this one wasn't painful.

 

[that dude]

Day 2, successful, no urges.
I have a question for you guys. Do you also have thoughts like "that pornstar i used to watch is so beautiful and really cute, I just wanna see her, can't be bad just looking at her" (meaning non-nude pictures or videos) ? I noticed that this is my worst/most frequent reason to relapse, because of course I don't just look at a picture and then stop. I know that I shouldn't even look at a single picture because that is a trigger I cannot resist even if don't have urges. Can anyone relate and how do you handle that?

This week is going a bit better than I expected. I think my fat fetish is finally starting to go away. I've battled this thing since I was 5 years old and now I think nofap is actually starting to pay off for me. As long as I don't fantasize, seek out or even acknowledge it is there, it's honesty very controllable. However the female muscle fetish thing literally drains me every time I encounter it, even if it's on accident the damn thing literally drains me and I feel aches and pains everywhere. I encountered it in a newspaper while changing my parrots papers and it hurt like hell the second I saw it. Seeing commercials, magazines, even images of stuff like it on gym equipment boxes is enough to cause triggers even on accident. I also had this Monday by far the single worst morning wood in my life and I think a small wet dream too. I woke up earlier than usual like my last one, but this one wasn't painful.

Keep fighting, bro. It's good to hear that you think nofap improves it a bit though! Head up!

 

[aarush goyal]

Am screwd up

 

[Dreamy]

Today I peeked a bit. I have to spend less time with my laptop outside of work and stop this.
BTW where is OP? I think he didn't post since Sunday

 

[blahblahblah100]

Urges coming now. But been keeping busy. I’ll probably check in more often here in the next few days. Keep going guys. We can do this

 

[corylife]

My apologies for not posting the last couple of days. I relapsed and I lost so much faith.. I was about to give up because I was so mad at myself, I felt like I couldn't come back to this thread and bring again more bad news to you guys. I have failed myself, and all of you guys, 3 times now. I'm back on day 1.

 

[corylife]

Day 2, successful, no urges.
I have a question for you guys. Do you also have thoughts like "that pornstar i used to watch is so beautiful and really cute, I just wanna see her, can't be bad just looking at her" (meaning non-nude pictures or videos) ? I noticed that this is my worst/most frequent reason to relapse, because of course I don't just look at a picture and then stop. I know that I shouldn't even look at a single picture because that is a trigger I cannot resist even if don't have urges. Can anyone relate and how do you handle that?

Keep fighting, bro. It's good to hear that you think nofap improves it a bit though! Head up!

It's like our ex-lovers basically but in the computer world. It's our brain tricking us into believing that these porn stars were one of our soulmates. We just gotta let go .

 

[Deleted Account]

Keep fighting, bro. It's good to hear that you think nofap improves it a bit though! Head up!

Honestly it would have taken over my life and slowly killed me if I had not found out about nofap gave it a try. October was where it began and I even had my first wet dream this month. First 2 weeks and overall in the first month I started. I was a unstoppable god during this time period. Sure I wasn't nearly as confident or energetic as I was in my childhood, but it was great. After about the 3rd week it started crashing down though. Even going as far back as November where I my first relapse happened attempting to look it up due to trouble sleeping. Sure I didn't PMO in that instance or even ejaculate, but I did intentionally seek it out which is really no worse. I stopped myself though. My insecurities around girls came around this period in time but normally I could bounce back and man through it up until December where mood swings became unbearable and I couldnt even look or be around girls. Even thinking girls were pretty made me want to kill myself. Then this month comes and I have my 2nd wet dream that I qualified as a accidental relapse. I woke up and suddenly I feel a huge pain in my dick and this one was way worse than the first. It was everywhere and I woke up confused not knowing what happened.

 

[Pathofsuccess_1]

My apologies for not posting the last couple of days. I relapsed and I lost so much faith.. I was about to give up because I was so mad at myself, I felt like I couldn't come back to this thread and bring again more bad news to you guys. I have failed myself, and all of you guys, 3 times now. I'm back on day 1.

Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s never too late. You’ve got my support man!

Don’t continue binging though! Get right back on nofap and in a week from now you’ll be thanking yourself. Remember the amazing benefits and scare yourself into not relapsing ever again (that’s what I did.) Make the fear of relapse something that is stronger than the urge if you have to!

There is so much more life ahead of you if you succeed. It’s just not worth wasting any more time pmoing.

Hold in there. Even if the urge is so bad you have to hug the arm of your couch and squeeze your fists together to distract yourself (I’ve done this.)

Nothing good will come easy, to get to success, you have to struggle, and once you do get through the urges, you feel amazing.

Especially around day 25+ I literally feel noticeably better every time I fight an extreme urge. It’s as if my brain is rewiring and I’m experiencing it consciously as it happens.

The point is, NEVER give up. There are going to be hard times. But remember that something good comes out of every hard time, and in the case of nofap, VERY good things come from it.

Stay strong my friend. It’s not even 10 days into 2020 yet. You can turn this around!

 

[Pathofsuccess_1]

Sure I wasn't nearly as confident or energetic as I was in my childhood, but it was great.

You’ll definitely get there and beyond!

I remember after about 40 days of hardmode I started to become my old self again. I can only imagine what lies ahead it 90-150+ days!

Im so excited and determined.

I love life on nofap!

Its the only way of life now.

the way life is supposed to be.

 

[that dude]

Day 3 successful, still no urges.

My apologies for not posting the last couple of days. I relapsed and I lost so much faith.. I was about to give up because I was so mad at myself, I felt like I couldn't come back to this thread and bring again more bad news to you guys. I have failed myself, and all of you guys, 3 times now. I'm back on day 1.

I'm really glad you came back! Never give up, we're all in this together. We all have failed a lot and we all have felt terrible, but we only lose when we give up.

 

[Deleted Account]

You’ll definitely get there and beyond!

I remember after about 40 days of hardmode I started to become my old self again. I can only imagine what lies ahead it 90-150+ days!

Im so excited and determined.

I love life on nofap!

Its the only way of life now.

the way life is supposed to be.

Now if only I could get the leakage and uncontrollable orgasms under control. I think I leaked this morning posting because I was excited to post how much better nofap made me in this very thread. I've deleted social media, stopped going to erotic sites, no porn and shit and leakage and this is by far the worst. It causes a lot of aches and pains with exhaustion and I'm not sure how long it will take to get it under control. Anyways another thank you to nofap for helping me break free from my disgusting fetishes. I'd probably have a horrible future of exhaustion and dysfunction had I not found this site.

 

[Action]

My apologies for not posting the last couple of days. I relapsed and I lost so much faith.. I was about to give up because I was so mad at myself, I felt like I couldn't come back to this thread and bring again more bad news to you guys. I have failed myself, and all of you guys, 3 times now. I'm back on day 1.

Don't worry, Cory. We got your back. Every goal has obstacles, and every stumble comes with a chance to try again. Kudos for coming back here and not giving up. Persistence, even in our darkest moments, is what we all need to succeed.

 

[Action]

Day 2, successful, no urges.
I have a question for you guys. Do you also have thoughts like "that pornstar i used to watch is so beautiful and really cute, I just wanna see her, can't be bad just looking at her" (meaning non-nude pictures or videos) ? I noticed that this is my worst/most frequent reason to relapse, because of course I don't just look at a picture and then stop. I know that I shouldn't even look at a single picture because that is a trigger I cannot resist even if don't have urges. Can anyone relate and how do you handle that?

Keep fighting, bro. It's good to hear that you think nofap improves it a bit though! Head up!

Oh man, I feel you so much on this! It's one of the hardest things for me to let go.
I think what motivates me is to look ahead rather than look back, and remind myself that there's a much better opportunity out there for me, if I just keep going. You have a reason for doing this. Keep your eye on the goal.

 

[Pathofsuccess_1]

Now if only I could get the leakage and uncontrollable orgasms under control. I think I leaked this morning posting because I was excited to post how much better nofap made me in this very thread. I've deleted social media, stopped going to erotic sites, no porn and shit and leakage and this is by far the worst. It causes a lot of aches and pains with exhaustion and I'm not sure how long it will take to get it under control. Anyways another thank you to nofap for helping me break free from my disgusting fetishes. I'd probably have a horrible future of exhaustion and dysfunction had I not found this site.

Have you been excessively looking at erotic material beforehand or edging or even fantasizing excessively? This can cause the leakage that you are talking about. But if not, everyone is different and keep doing what your doing. Completely abstaining.

There will be a time where your leakage gets under control and that doesn’t happen anymore. Stay strong.

Usually when leakage like that happens, it’s because of intense fantasy or edging or PM. If your not doing these though. It should stop soon.

Good luck!

 

[Deleted Account]

Have you been excessively looking at erotic material beforehand or edging or even fantasizing excessively? This can cause the leakage that you are talking about. But if not, everyone is different and keep doing what your doing. Completely abstaining.

There will be a time where your leakage gets under control and that doesn’t happen anymore. Stay strong.

Usually when leakage like that happens, it’s because of intense fantasy or edging or PM. If your not doing these though. It should stop soon.

Good luck!

Well I havent been looking at any triggers lately. If I encountered triggers in say a commercial, i'd put a blanket over my face to not see it.

Sometimes it happened even when I was just doing something normally. But i have been awfully worried about my looks and not being masculine lately, and finally I have found some answers. I went back as far as my childhood and I actually did play with girly things like littlest pet shop and hello kitty and finally I found one of the answers I've been looking for.

The 2D:4D ratio is heavily linked to masculinity the longer your ring finger is vs your index. So basically a lower 2D:4D ratio means much higher masculinity and testosterone and it turns out my 2D:4D ratio is really bad. It's either like 1.25 or 1.16666666667 which is horrible and is a very common sign of low T. It doesn't help I was also born a premie and am way smaller than normal(my brothers don't even lift yet are considerably bigger than I am.) It explains entirely why I barely made much progress lifting despite being able to deadlift/bench 200 pounds now. Lately a lot I've even considered taking steroids so I could be more masculine looking.(going far back as 12 years old, I was very self conscious about my appearance and it's only ever gotten worse). In short I was born with a bad set of cards in terms of genetics that was made worse by 10 years+ of PMO abuse in my teen years. I guess that's one answer solved I've never figured out until now, but how am I gonna even overcome genetic defects?

Edit: I was browsing sites like t nation and bodybuilding.com(which i know can trigger my anxiety about my looks pretty badly) but I've never intentionally seeked out my female muscle fetish or my fat fetish though.

 

[Pathofsuccess_1]

Well I havent been looking at any triggers lately. If I encountered triggers in say a commercial, i'd put a blanket over my face to not see it.

Sometimes it happened even when I was just doing something normally. But i have been awfully worried about my looks and not being masculine lately, and finally I have found some answers. I went back as far as my childhood and I actually did play with girly things like littlest pet shop and hello kitty and finally I found one of the answers I've been looking for.

The 2D:4D ratio is heavily linked to masculinity the longer your ring finger is vs your index. So basically a lower 2D:4D ratio means much higher masculinity and testosterone and it turns out my 2D:4D ratio is really bad. It's either like 1.25 or 1.16666666667 which is horrible and is a very common sign of low T. It doesn't help I was also born a premie and am way smaller than normal(my brothers don't even lift yet are considerably bigger than I am.) It explains entirely why I barely made much progress lifting despite being able to deadlift/bench 200 pounds now. Lately a lot I've even considered taking steroids so I could be more masculine looking.(going far back as 12 years old, I was very self conscious about my appearance and it's only ever gotten worse). In short I was born with a bad set of cards in terms of genetics that was made worse by 10 years+ of PMO abuse in my teen years. I guess that's one answer solved I've never figured out until now, but how am I gonna even overcome genetic defects?

Edit: I was browsing sites like t nation and bodybuilding.com(which i know can trigger my anxiety about my looks pretty badly) but I've never intentionally seeked out my female muscle fetish or my fat fetish though.

Thats interesting. What exactly do you mean specifically by the 2D:4D ratio? Do you mean that if the index finger is longer than the ring finger that it is a sign of more masculinity? Or vice versa?

 

[corylife]

Day 2.. my faith is still very weak, but i shall continue.

 

[Deleted Account]

Thats interesting. What exactly do you mean specifically by the 2D:4D ratio? Do you mean that if the index finger is longer than the ring finger that it is a sign of more masculinity? Or vice versa?

The longer your ring finger is compared to your index finger that is a sign of higher masculinity. Normally men have longer ring fingers than index fingers while the reverse applies for women. Unfortunately I have the opposite and it's bothered me when I've found out about it.

While years of pmo and shit really exaggerated my body issues because I couldn't compete with roid built bodies. Again porn actors are drugged to the max with sex enhancement drugs, a bunch of steroids, and a bunch of other shit, and most bodybuilders do a shit ton of roids(related to my female muscle fetish) naturally I did feel inadequate as hell. Thankfully now I realize all that shit is 100% fake, especially to the former after accidentally walking in on my uncle watching porn. Even wrestling isn't this fake. There wasn't even the slightest bit of emotion or love there. And any women with male levels of muscularity is taking steroids no questions asked. I think being picked on a lot throughout middle and high school is probably around of my body issues occurred and porn just made it much worse. I was often very jealous of the popular kids too, because they're often treated much better and far better looking than me. Plus they had tons of friends and I really didn't. Before I ever got bullied I was a entirely different person. I didn't put up with anybody's shit, stood up for myself, was fearless, and extremely social.

One time a while back before discovering nofap, I was trying to find a answer to why I became introverted and I remember seeing an article that introvertism is often a learnt behaviour to being treated poorly, and it's often people whom are good looking who are more likely to be extroverted. While there are exceptions, most extroverts are generally the attractive people.

TL DR;

I had a laundry list of problems before and PMO magnified them to stupendous degrees.

I might message you, you seem like a good AP.

 

[blahblahblah100]

Sorry about not posting yesterday guys. Been a little busy with everything at work. Which isn’t a bad thing of course. I can’t say I’ve had many urges but they have lingered from time to time. Want to work on viewing people as people rather than objects. Hopefully we can continue to distract ourselves through the weekend