Any Advice in being a Man?

No difference than being a women just apart from a few different body parts .

 

Hi ThyArtofLust,
What qualities do you think a 'true man' possesses? Pick the most important to you, and do something small each day that will bring you closer to becoming like this. You aren't going to change into a different person overnight. But you can make small changes, and those small changes add up.

 

What is a "true man"?

I don't know how old you are, but I had a similar attitude when I was younger. Some things that happened in my life led me to a period of anger, seclusion, childlike attitude, treating people bad, etc. Now I know that angry feelings are a consequence of fear. That event made me afraid of living. Afraid of socializing, of opening up myself, of being myself, of changing myself. I judged too much, and also feared being judged by others. It was tough, but it was a period of profound learning. Going through all of that made me who I am today, stronger, more loving, facing life in a lighter way and, consequently, happier. It's all about perspectives, about being aware of how your mind works, understanding what's going on, what those emotions are and where they come from. We should be able to understand and control ourselves, and we must love ourselves in order to love others. I highly recommend you read some things about buddhist philosophy and meditation.

You're not pathetic or imbecile, you're just a human being experiecing life. The universe doesn't judge you, you do. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

Yes. Unplug from the Matrix.

 

Do more things that you consider to be strong characteristics and less of the ones you consider to be weak characteristics. You have to interrupt the old behavior with new ones as many times a day as possible. It's that repetition that changes your character. It's easier to stay the same as you currently are than to reinforce new behaviors, but that's why you created this thread in the first place. Intense emotions paired up with those new behavior repetitions reinforces it even more. Anger and being fed up with how you currently are will help you get started.

 

A man isn't born, a man is made through repeated stress. You need to put yourself through stress. You aren't going to be able to write a list of qualities that a man is and isn't like courageous, strong, virtuous then will yourself to be those things. If you want to become courageous you need to perform acts of courage, like talking to a girl, taking a risk with your career, doing something dangerous like rock climbing or skateboarding. If you want to become strong you need to put your body under stress so that it can recover and grown. If you want to become virtuous you need to resist temptations to act in unviruous ways.

Enough theory, here are some specific actions of the top of my head that may help:
-lift weights
-get a dangerous hobby or do something dangerous regularly
-take cold showers
-Look like a man; grow some facial hair if you can, get a proper haircut, dress like a man, learn some masculine body language like walking slower, taking up more space
-learn difficult skills, like reading a hard book, learn to solve a rubiks cube, learn to play an instrument
-cut instant gratification from your life
-cut shit out of your language that makes you sound weak, like complaining, self deprecating, speaking in a high pitch
-stop trying to please others and focus on yourself, learn to say no

The most important thing on that list is lifting weights. Its hard not to feel like a man when you look in the mirror and you see some broad shoulders and thick arms. Lifting will make the shit you mention in your post a lot easier to stop, you probably won't feel like doing it. Also this is going to take time, probably a long time.

 

Don’t give up, used to be in your position until I met Jesus, he change life’s, give him your heart, trust me he will fix u,

 

Agreed.

 

To overcome weakness, you must go to the places you feel weak and demand more of yourself. The gym is a good place for this. Pick up a weight. If you feel weak, move that weight. It will help you grow. If you feel strong, drop that weight. It has nothing to offer you. Nobody can do the work for you. Knowing what you should do is useless without ‘hard, hard vork’ as the oak would say. Find people who inspire and support you in your endeavours. Good luck

 

There is no wrong or right way to be a man. It seems to be that you're comparing yourself to men that you may want/glorify to be like. There is struggle behind the faces of every man. You already are a man and by nature you already possess the qualities of one brother. The problem is not external, but I believe it's internal. I have personally encountered this and what helps me is silence. Straight silence, and I let life just happen and whatever happens I let it happen. A man who really is trying to be a better man would use this website (as you are). A man would actually post to the website (as you are), and a man would try to better himself (as you are). Brother, I think your greatest battle is with time and with silence. The qualities you seek are there and are prevalent simply through a post. Let silence be your guidance because that usually lets the process of life happen.

FailingForward

 

Indeed! Forget the stereotype, the "alpha male", there is no such thing. I see lot of guys chasing that model and becoming frustated, toxic, with sexist ideas, and guess what? Those are the guys that have a harder time meeting women, and women usually make fun of those kind of guys (at least that's what I see where I live).

When you free yourself from the idea that you need this or that (be a "true man", have sex, have money, likes on social media, etc) to be happy and start to becoming your true self, you will naturally become more happy and, consequently, attractive.


I reccomend this documentary about masculinity:

Anyway, know yourself so you can be yourself. Don't let society tell you who you are/who you should be. Know yourself!

 

Not true. Don't let them brainwash you to believe that.
I know that the media today wants us to believe that women and men are the same.
They are equal but not the same.

 

Seconded. Also, that masculinity is sexist is not true. Masculinity exists totally irrespective of women, it's about which mates you can trust to fight with you and which you can't trust.

 

1. Figure out what kind of man you want to be. List some characteristics you see as good and some that you deem undesirable. Remember that the thing that matters the most isn't that you fit the society's description of a true man (although there's nothing necessarily wrong with that either), but that you stay true to your personal values. There's nothing manlier than being able to stick to your values even when others try to tell you you are wrong!

2. Think about what kind of activities you could do in order to be that kind of a man. For instance if you want to be physically stronger, you should work out. If you wish to be more honest, the only way is to stop lying and start telling the truth. (Next level of honesty can be achieved by also learning to tell the most difficult truth first!) There are actions that define each quality, figure out what they are.

3. Apply it. Through every day try to be mindful of how you act and how you could act more according to the qualities you find desirable. Learn to recognize the critical moments, in which you have the choice to do right or wrong and choose the right option, even when it feels difficult or trivial. After all the only way to become a better person is to be a better person, if that makes any sense. Eventually it'll become a habit, and you'll see that the good qualities were in you all along, just hidden beneath bad habits and mindsets. Learn from your failures, but be merciful to yourself. It's a lifelong journey and all that matters is that after each failure you come back stronger.

 

Integrity yo, integrity in your beliefs and actions is the best policy for your whole life.