Confessed my fetish and my addiction to my gf

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by RebootingProtestant, Feb 21, 2021.

  1. RebootingProtestant

    RebootingProtestant Fapstronaut

    So recently, I've been working on being open and honest with people who are close to me in regards to pmo so they can help me. In my mind, the more the sin is exposed then the easier it will be to quit. However, when I told my girlfriend about my latest relapse and told her how it went, she massively freaked out. She was scream-crying and saying that I was cheating on her and that I needed to be stronger. That really hurt, but she isn't wrong though. Still, my question is if that is healthy for me and if I should refrain from telling her that stuff ever again.
  2. whathaveidone88

    whathaveidone88 Fapstronaut

    I think that the healthy thing to refrain from would be PMO. I know it's easier said than done but that would save you a lot of trouble. Truth is always the best policy, even when it hurts. If she hasn't left you yet, she obviously cares a lot about you. Sounds like you have yourself a great gal. I would do anything within my power to keep someone who didn't dump me after learning I had porn-related issues.
  3. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

    Should have left it at your have porn/sex-addiction issue.
  4. dancingwithyou

    dancingwithyou Fapstronaut

    Jeez pal you really have balls. But some things are so nasty that it`s better to forget about them yourself. Cmon, it`s like you telling someone that you deep shit in your trousers mere seconds ago, WOOPS!
    TheForsakeen likes this.
  5. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    That's good, you can share it with your close friends or maybe a professional.

    Yes, but don't go and tell it to everyone. Share it with close people.

    You never tell your weakness to your woman. Woman love strong man, letting her know your weakness is going to turn her off imidiatly.

    Yep.. sometime they freak out and sometime they are supportive, but in all cases she losses respect and attraction for his man.

    You were not cheating, the fact that is cheating to her is on her. But now that she tell you that she consider it cheating you are no longer allowed to do it if you want to be with her, that's her boundry, you can accept it or not.
    "I needed to be stronger" you confesed weakness... that's what happens, or you are strong or you are out. Woman don't want weak man, they don't respect weak man. Weak man end up in friendzone or without sex.
    In worst case scenario the get dump or cheated.

    She isn't wrong, she is trying to help you because she like you. She wants a strong man..

    never tell her your weakness again, if you have one work on it. tell it to your friends and professionals. For your woman you need to be her rock. A strong man that can handle everything, that's what keep a woman respecting you and on your team.
    Listen to all the people that tell you (a lot of them are woman) yo open up to your woman and you are going to end in a sexless relationship or getting dump.. or cheatead.
  6. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

    You told her something you did that hurt her - and she acted hurt. Why are you surprised.

    Based on your post and the fact you said relapse and not first disclosure I have a feeling you knew how she would react.
    Freedom_from_PMO likes this.
  7. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

    You can unnecessary hurt your relationship with other people by that.

    I am not suprised at all. You probly mentioned too many details and made her uncomfortable.

    You really have to be careful how are you talking about this problem with other people.
    TheForsakeen likes this.
  8. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

    Maybe your fetish is wierd, people might react in various ways to it.
  9. Uncle_Iroh

    Uncle_Iroh Fapstronaut

    Hey man good for you for saying something, honesty is the best policy for this problem thrives in secrecy, but don't let your girlfriends words hurt you. Although she is technically right, she obviously has no clear understanding of the addiction recovery process. You are POWERLESS, there's no amount of power you can conjure up alone that can stop this, will power and self control are a part of recovery, but not the first part and they will not come for a looooooong time. You need to find others, community, and not NoFap, I love this place but it is only a tool of recovery, you need a steady community of people to whom you can see, hear and talk to. I suggest joining SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and meeting up with them, you will see people who are just like you and suffer in a similar way, you will find community with them and hope for the fact that this can be overcome. They will have face to face meeetings usually oncea week if they are in your area or close, but currently msot are confined to zoom meetings and telemeetings, which are still great and eye opening.
    You cannot overcome this alone I assure you, you wil just grow angry with yourself as time goes on and you are still fighting this, which will only lead to further acting out, you need to come to believe that something more than yourself can help you towards recover. SAA literature says "God as you understand him", and this does not mean any god in the world unless you want it to. You get to choose your deinition of god, I believe that my higher power is the SAA Fellowship and my recovery programme, for if I stick to these principles and keep in contact with my fellowship, I will overcome this problem. I am an atheist there is no doubt about that, so if religious speal puts you off don't worry, you'll find many in SAA aren't religious. Just go and find somewhere to have a true community, a face to face community and I can guarantee if you jsut go in open minded and willing to recover, you will find something there that helps you.
    Good luck friend, if you ahve questions just drop me a message.
    ELITE2BE and dandausa like this.
  10. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    Keep at it bro. Well done! We need more men like you in this world. Honesty is huge. Keep going. I think one thing that is helpful is explain the reasons why we struggle with porn. The things you're looking for in it. It's not a sex problem. Like for me, much of it is rooted in my insatiable desire for acceptance and being desired. I also like the "Husband Material" podcast if you need more insights.

    Sharing our porn use can be traumatizing to others and I think that's why it can be helpful to share with others. Realizing just how traumatizing it is for them when they hear that we struggle with porn. It shows the addiction for what it really is. But don't let it keep you from sharing. I, for a long time, didn't share with others because of how one of my friends reacted to someone saying they struggle with porn. But we can't be ashamed of our stories. That's just part of it and so don't live in shame. We are broken sinners who need Jesus. It might also be helpful to share with your girlfriend a book or website on porn addiction to help her understand it. Our fetishes are part of our arousal template and often they are based in other root desires, so rather than just sharing the fetish really dig deep and figure out why it's your fetish and then if you can, share that root desire or maybe trauma that was done to us which I think most people understand.

    And I agree with @Uncle_Iroh. We need people to help us, I've never been able to do this alone and I never will be able to do this alone. Nofap isn't enough, we need in real life people who can help us and we can help them.
    TheJetDude44 and Uncle_Iroh like this.

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