December 11 would be 1 month of no masturbating and orgasming

I wanted to do no nut November but only lasted 7-8 days until I ended up masturbating. Last day I masturbated was Nov.10, I told myself I would stop masturbating and hit the gym again. Because few months ago I wanted to hook up with a chick from high school, she came over (I was 3 weeks no masturbating) but it was hard for me to get hard or stay hard after eating her out, kissing, fingering all that good stuff. It took me a while, she gave me head and I was pretty hard but not rock hard, 2-4 mins I felt like busting, I told her to wait then when I told her to get on top she sat down once and I busted. I was really nervous cause 1. she was the second girl I’d been with sexually, 2. I’ve been masturbating since elementary school (21 now) so maybe I had death grip or whatever it’s called. Maybe my brain is used to masturbating and not dealing with the real thing. Anyways I use that as motivation but it’s sucks cause I really wanted to fuck her. So on Nov. 11 I stop masturbating (again) and try to better myself. It’s been hard, I catch myself looking up porn, touching myself a little then stopping. Sometimes it goes to the point where I feel like ima bust so I stop. I haven’t bust a nut since nov. 10, but me touching myself still count as failing? I just want to get better and have a better sex life. I want to feel more confident, I look at my dick and I feel like it’s Small. I feel like I’ll never get better. Any advice? I can’t talk to girls cause if it leads to sex I know I won’t do good or I won’t get hard or stay hard. Is it all in my head? Please help. I don’t want to relapse again.